IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 Ok so last night my BF of 2 years said that he needed a break so he can have time to think. Is this a break up? He said no, but he CANT assure me that this will be a permanent break. So now I'm kind of hanging out in the air here. I LIVE W/ HIM!!! SO now i have to stay at my mothers. Now what I'm asking is how can i fix this. He said that i am self centered. And I'm sorry to say that i am. First, How do i help that? Second, Should I write him a letter? Saying that i admit that i am self-centerd and I'm willing to change. What should the letter say? Please help me I'm very heart broken..I don't know what to do. Are there any gesture i can do to fix this? TO let him know that i don't only think about myself?
overseas2004 Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 First of all, you have to tell us why you think you are self centered and what actions of yours if any led to the break up. There is things you can do to patch up a relationship if you caused it to go on the rocks. But you should help us by telling us the full story first.
utwonderwoman Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 I completely understand how you are feeling. I was exactly where you are (except that I had to move into my best friend's basement.) Is there anyone on this forum that has been on the other end that can tell us whether or not it does any good to try and contact them with letters and such to make it work?
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 1, 2004 Author Posted November 1, 2004 Originally posted by overseas2004 First of all, you have to tell us why you think you are self centered and what actions of yours if any led to the break up. There is things you can do to patch up a relationship if you caused it to go on the rocks. But you should help us by telling us the full story first. First off, I would buy shoes instead of paying the water bill. He co-signed a car for me. I wasnt thinking about his furture. All i was thinking about was me and my new car. Now i want to tell him that i now realize this. But I dont want him to think that im just saying this to get him back. I have to go back to my house today to pick up the rest of my things. Sould i leave a letter stating what i just said. Letting him know that he was right and that all i do is think about myself?
utwonderwoman Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 If you make a list of how you realize that you are self centered and the actions that you are going to take to fix it (men are all about action, not words) leave the letter and the rest is up to him. But if you truly do feel that this is a problem that you want to fix for yourself, you need to take action. Because, even if it doesn't work with him, it will be a problem in your future relationships. Try and remind yourself of some positive aspects of yourself too. You can't be all bad or he wouldn't have fallen in love with you in the first place, and been willing to do all of those wonderful supportive things for you like co-signing on a car. That is a huge committment with someone. Make him realize that you understand that committment and how much it means to you that he would do something like that for you. Action!
Barby Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 It does sound like you were being self centered and very ir-responsible. Who did you assume would pay the water bill? Let me guess..........him?! He co-signed a car for me. I wasnt thinking about his furture. All i was thinking about was me and my new car. Have you not been making the car payments on time or at all? This would damage his credit and his future for buying a home, car, loans, ect. If this is the case then wow I can see how he'd want to re-think being with you and having a future. I would SHOW him that you're changing (pay bills on time, show him that you're thinking of him, ect) Write him a heart felt letter letting him know how you feel, tell him how you think/know you were wrong, what you're going to do now, and that you'll respect his wishes and how you wish that you could give it one more chance, basically whatever you want to say. But again like was said above, he'll want to see actions not words...
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 1, 2004 Author Posted November 1, 2004 I also have to add something else I said. His sister and her BF have been together 7 years and he hasn't proposed yet. I said that if he waited that long, i wouldn't wait. I know I'm a horrible person. He got upset that i wouldnt wait that long. How do i fix that. I don't want to say " well now i realize how important you are and i will wait forever" B/c he'd say that i should have realized how important he is to me in the beginning of our relationship. But i DO realize that he means this much to me now tha were on a break. And i WOULD wait for him forever. But how do i express that to him? I NEED HELP!!!!!!!
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 1, 2004 Author Posted November 1, 2004 P.S. you can say that i was expecting to get married next year. So you can say i was pressuring.
SadAndLonely Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 I strongly recommend you not write a letter. If you do, it will have a couple of bad side effects. One is that talk is cheap. It will really insult him that you didn't "come to your senses" until he broke up with you. Secondly, no one can change immediately, and it will be demeaning if you claim that you will immediately. Give him some time to cool down. Third, you don't want to teach him that breaking up with you will get him what he wants. Move out temporarily, give him some time, reflect on your feelings, and THEN write him a letter or talk to him about this.
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 1, 2004 Author Posted November 1, 2004 But what if he wants to make this break permanent. He's making that decision with out having explain myself that i DO see what he's talking about. He told me that i was self centered. But now i see and understand what he's talking about. I want him to know before he makes any rash decisions. As of now i am moved out and he has already called me to see where i slept last night. Thats gotta mean something?
Barby Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 So forget about the letter, call him and talk to him directly. Let him know how you feel, playing the NC game probably isn't going to help. (IMHO) I say be honest and up front and then you'll know where you stand and if there is a chance you can salvage your relationship!
DJ_Dork Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 The different between a girl and a guy when they say they need a "break" is that when a guy says it, he MEANS it. Unlike girls who scream "I WANT A BREAKUP" and then get back together in a 2-4 weeks. Give him that break so he can go date other girls or reassess his life, if he misses you he'll come back.
Guest488 Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 I agree with DJ_Dork. If he wants to break up permanently then you shouldn't be trying to manipulate him into coming back by suddenly seeing the error of your ways. Give him his space. If he wants to come back he will. You should instead spend the time practicing what you preach and changing your behavior. However, you should also be doing it for yourself, and not just for him.
utwonderwoman Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 The only thing that him asking where you slept last night means just that. He's curious. Nothing more.
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted November 1, 2004 Author Posted November 1, 2004 i wrote the letter...anyone wanna proof it?
beautiful Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 If he wants a break , you simply give him the respect. No writing letters either! You speak to him directly, say what you feel and only say it once and let it go! You can't force him to be with you or change his mind, he has to do this for himself. Now so far as you saying about yourself that you are a horrible person, please don't do that. This is not the time to feel sorry for yourself. We are people, we make mistakes! We correct them, learn and move on! You have a life, live it. With or without him. If he wants to be with you , he simply will come back however I would not count on this or wait for this man to come back. The bottom line here is this, when a man truly loves you, respect you , fault and all, he is with you and he loves you!
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