sadwithouthim Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Married 18 mostly unhappy years. The issues were: * He was verbally abusive, if he was mad, he would spew hate and rage, or if he was in a more passive mood, he might mutter "bitch" under his breath. (I've come to realize these are mental disorders of some kind, but I'm not a therapist) I always found a way to blame myself for his outbursts. (I've also come to realize that it is a mental disorder for me to have put up with this). He says he's changed now and realized that soda gives him mood swings, so he doesn't go into these tantrums as often now as he used to, but there are still days here and there. * He's extremely selfish with money, and only focused on money. He got us in $50,000. credit debt, for which we recently filed bankruptcy. Meanwhile, all these years he takes my check and hypercontrols any money I'm "allowed" to spend. I make around half of the income. * Early on, he would turn me down for sex. Then, I would find p*rn on the computer and magazines. Sex was only on his terms, like once every month or two. I honestly think this killed any love I had for him more than ANY of the other things. I would lie in bed next to him and cry, he never regarded my feelings, simply didn't care. I always felt like he replaced me with p*rn. * He has destroyed my belongings when he's mad. He cut up a jacket that I had received from service at work, which was my favorite jacket, cut it to shreds. He cut up a shirt I had because he thought it was too skimpy. Part of what makes me stay is that I don't want to make him mad. How can I make him want this divorce. It's literally killing my soul to look back on all the hateful things he's said to me (gave me a huge complex), and I need out of this...yesterday. He literally makes me sick...I'm going to reclaim some self-worth. He only doesn't want to lose money. Though he probably does think I'm a good person, there is no genuine love. We haven't had sex in over 2 years, I gave up. I want love and sex and fulfillment. I'm 42, the time is now....but how?
M30USA Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Honestly, of all the signs you mentioned, the destroying of your property is probably the most concerning. I think it's on a higher level than even the sex issue.
Oberfeldwebel Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 You did not mention children, so I will assume there are none. Don't worry if he will agree to divorce, you don't need his permission, you need the courts. You need to take control of your life and divest yourself of this man you say is an abuser. Therefore I recommend the following: 1. Open new account in your name only and have your pay put there. 2. Consult with an attorney and find out your legal obligations. If you two are in bankruptcy, let the court decide what you owe and come up with a plan for payment, separate from husband. 3. Develop an exit strategy and get out of the house. Timing and organization is critical her, particularly if you think he will be physically abusive, act decisively. 4. Take control of your life and get this bad chapter behind you.
Recommended Posts