Dumped85 Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 I think im in the extreme level of some one that tried to persistently contact the dumper. When she broke it off 7 weeks ago after a 8 month relationship.I immediately went into panic mode, constantly calling and texting her up until last week where id spoken to her and she threatened to involve police. I then stupidly attempted to call her today where she hung up on me. This relationship was not abusive at all, we had so I thought alot of care and respect for eachother. Only ended due to her not having a romantic feeling towards me. Which I respect her for But after hearing and knowing this, why does the heart overide the mind. After knowing the consequences of contact. I fully understand its over in my mind, but my heart cares about her. Even though not as much as it once did. Soo my question is what makes me behave like im crazy
Misfortune Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Fear of losing what you had, feeling like a failure, feeling abandoned, sadness; it all brings about desperation. 4
Author Dumped85 Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 Is this behavior more common with people who have lost their first love, she was my first real everything at 28.
Misfortune Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 It's common in everyone experiencing loss. The only thing that affects how severe the effects are on you, are your confidence and experience would break ups. First love would definitely hurt more cuz its new to you and all you knew. While more experienced people can just shrug it off in a week to a month bcuz they know the routine. 1
Author Dumped85 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 I've been hurting alot these last two days, I'm stupidly asking her out to catch up. She's ignored it of course. I just want to let it go, but my mind is stuck in the past. I hate it, its effecting my job. I can't go to work today I feel that low. I want it to stop, I'm in a big emotional roller coaster.
chinacat sunflower Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Don't not go to work anymore! (unless you are ill, of course) You need to keep yourself busy! Idol time is a killer indeed. It's the crappiest feeling, I understand, but right now you are your own worst enemy. Post here instead of contacting her, you will not be ignored on here. Hope you feel better soon!
Author Dumped85 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 I know It shouldn't effect me, I can't help it tho. I've exhausted sick leave trying to cope with this ****ty experience.
Oldcatskinner Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Dumped85, I turned 28 yesterday, and have been broke up nearly four months. Like you, I was in panic mode; it lasted two and a half weeks for me. My ex was my first love, and someone who I told my innermost feelings and shared my insecurities with. I believe that it is rougher on us that go through this later in life, as most of the people I know have had this happen to them in their teens, when it is more acceptable to act like an idiot over love. OCS
Author Dumped85 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 OCS what does it feel like after 4 months, is it easier to cope with the break up? Yeah being a bit older than most that experience first break up is tough, my family tell me to get over it, friends and colleagues say the same. I just want to heal, I haven't been this way for a couple of weeks now. Then it hits me suddenly.
chinacat sunflower Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I know It shouldn't effect me, I can't help it tho. I've exhausted sick leave trying to cope with this ****ty experience. I'm not saying that it shouldn't effect you.......but what I am saying is that you are the only one in control of your emotions. It's extremely difficult , I realize this, but at some point you need to look at the grand scheme of things. Soon enough you will look back on this and think "wtf was I thinking". I know I don't know you, but you're probably a great person. Give yourself more credit. We're all hurting on here. We are all going through different experiences with the same outcome: pain. Dust yourself off and try again. Even if it takes awhile. Some progress is better than none at all!
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Soo my question is what makes me behave like im crazy Rejection. Being rejected can drive the sanest of people into a state of unfamiliar madness. 4
Oldcatskinner Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Dumped85, You asked what it was like after 4 months. I can only tell you what it has been like for me. I split the problem into two modes: The breakup and my healing. Acceptance of the breakup was simple. There was no denying that we were split up. What did not sit well with me was the way I behaved when we were breaking up, and the issues that led to the breakup. For a month afterwards I would call or text her once a week. When she didn't answer the last time I called, at that point I realized that she wasn't going to talk to me then, and I was tired of "patching things up". It took a few days to muster up the guts to erase her presence from my life in terms of cards, messages, emails, phone numbers, pictures. After that point, and this was right at one month post breakup, the next hurdle was accepting that we were over and a friendship fell by the way. It was at this point that I decided to not communicate with her anymore. I didn't think it of abandonment, as I had given her enough opportunity to get ahold of me if she wished. Month one and two were rough. I was laid off from my job one week after she split, and I don't know if she knows (I didn't mention it) Month three found me spending time with my buds and working on my thesis more. I'm about to finish up and look for work in the area I want to live in. What made it work for me is that I decided that even though this was the girl that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and father children with-she wasn't on the same page and I wasn't going to run around playing damage control for the rest of my life. I decided that pain and heartbreak upfront outweighed a lifetime of uneasiness, unhappiness, and regret. I choose not to be bitter about the breakup; this would do me no good. I choose not to harbor ill will towards her. I choose to go do what I want to do for me. And in this choice, she is nowhere to be found. Don't let your feelings of how the relationship used to be in its good moments, or how she was to you in your good moments dictate how you feel about the current situation. I hope this helps you. OCS
maturityassets Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 First love is always tough because it feels like betrayal. You've admitted that you are 28 and that this was your first serious relationship. So you've gone a long time with out experiencing what it felt to be intimate with someone, and to have it all taken away so suddenly feels like a betrayal. Truth is you have put this woman on a pedestal and it doesn't come from her "perfection" in your mind but is an extension to the meaning you gave to her in your life. Some meaning you have attributed to her is giving her the presence of being larger of life. For example Maybe she showed you that you were loveable even though you didn't believe you were. Maybe she was the aid in fighting your fears or etc. Regardless the key is not to dabble in regret over what you die. But figure out why you did the things you did and figure out why you have the feelings you have. Its a complicated thing to do to examine your own psyche so you may want counseling, therapy, or if your confident in your ability read a good book. Once you realize that she is but human and that she will do the same things with other men as she did with you, all the holy moments attributed to her will evaporate. Because it will be revealed to you that she is as stuck as anyone else in trying to figure our what she wants
Knoxpwns Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 what makes me behave like im crazy chemical reactions in your body based on your perception of an outcome. it all seems so complicated, until you realize that its only complicated because you have subconsciously decided to feel that way. If only we could control when the chemicals release. Life is either simply complicated, or complicatedly simple.
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