wmrjw82 Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 I just blew it with this girl. My friends are saying it was too soon, but honestly I really liked her. Here's my backstory. Dated a girl for 4 months, I was a rebound to her, she eventually went back to her ex...crushed me. I stopped chasing about a month ago. 2 weeks ago, my confidence finally started to rise again...i'm a pretty good looking guy but i'm a single dad and dont have time to go out and meet women with my job. So I hopped on a dating site. Met this great girl. Extremely attractive, also had a son... the whole thing was rolling along for a week. Last Friday we went out to a bar together and I ended up taking a picture of us and posting it on Facebook (i asked her permission beforehand and she was totally fine with it)... we both agreed we wanted to go slow as I had told her about my last relationship ending 2 months earlier, matter of fact, I was the one constantly wanting to go slow. Anyways, the pic goes up and it shows up on my wall but not hers. She tells me she has to approve things on her wall... the next day goes by and it still not approved. She backtracked and said she approved it and didn't know why it didn't go up. Then she said her wall was only for her son (I noticed others had posted to her wall just fine) This hit a trigger for me. Even though this facebook picture was insignificant and we were only seeing each other for a week it reminded me of my ex who would never take pics of us together because she didn't want her ex seeing them on facebook. That night I went online and saw that she was still online on the dating site (even though she said she had deactivated her account a few days earlier)... so I made the comment to her "you need to figure out if we're moving forward or not and if we are you need to get off the site. This and the facebook pic is bothering me"... she said that I was insecure and had trust issues and couldn't get over it. She dumped me 2 days later. I'm so disappointed in myself because I really did like her and I told myself we were going to go slow. I tried apologizing to her and admitted I had been insecure but she said she didn't view me the same anymore?! She was so into me why did I have to make such a deal out of a stupid facebook pic? I just kept thinking in my head... well she doesn't want her friends to see the pic w/ me and she's still on this dating site... something is up. I just didn't want to get hurt again after ignoring all the red flags in my last relationship. This girl said she was all about communication and when I was honest with her she kicked me to the curb. Any helpful words or thoughts would be great. The crazy thing is I honestly feel like i'm over my ex (the one I was a rebound with)... but I obviously have this wall i've built up and trust was an issue here. I hope this goes away over time... I dont want to push away anymore women the way I did this one
aloneinaz Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 I think it's normal for guys and girls to be on wobbly knees for the first few weeks when dating someone new after a recent LTR ended. This is even more true if we were dumped in the last relationship. I was a little needy and insecure for a week or two when dating this new girl I'm seeing. I finally got a hold of myself and stopped it. In your case, you said you're good looking so get back on the horse and find another girl. You were not dumped or kicked to the curb after a week. She just lost interest. So what.. There's too many women out there. Learn from this and don't repeat the same mistakes again.
daftpunk Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 I'd like to hear her side of the story but from what you said, it sounds like she was a bunch of problems just waiting to happen anyway.
giblesp Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 You haven't blown anything dude, the girl you were seeing was going on a dating site. You didn't like it and understandably so. You don't like it when the girl your seeing wont share pictures of you to the public online, understandably so. It sounds like you're looking for someone who shares these things, who is on the same wavelength as you. ie, someone who is compatible. You're now free to find that person.
Author wmrjw82 Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 I know that there could have been other factors involved...but she insisted it was because I was insecure and if I was doing this 2 weeks into talking then she didn't know what I was capable of and didn't want to be walking on egg shells. I just feel like complete ****. She's completely blocked me, told me to go away and not talk to her anymore and done a complete 180 in one week. It's so weird...i mean I know I was insecure about it, but why write me off just like that???? It just makes me feel 1 inch tall right now. She was gorgeous, nice and sweet (when she was into me for that time period) and all of a sudden BOOM. I'm this horrible person with ISSUES. I wouldn't have cared but she was the one that was ALL about me for that week. She had me meet her entire family, planned a wedding for us to go to, said she was "falling for me".... then BOOM. Complete 180 with an insecure mistake on my part. Why couldn't I get one damn chance to prove to her I wouldn't have done that ever again?
BradJacobs Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 You came off as insecure and controlling. There's a reason she didn't let you try and prove you wouldn't do it again because she needs someone that respects boundaries and doesn't push for a relationship. Why in the world would a single parent want their FB status update littered with pictures of someone they just started dating? Find a rebound. Get this headtrash out of your system.
Author wmrjw82 Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 You came off as insecure and controlling. There's a reason she didn't let you try and prove you wouldn't do it again because she needs someone that respects boundaries and doesn't push for a relationship. Okay, but I wasn't pushing the whole time. If anything, she was the one pushing forward. She made me think we were actually a couple. As a matter of fact she said she considered herself my girlfriend. Like I said, she also had me meet her family and plan events for the future. I was the one constantly saying...lets just take it slow and steady. Why in the world would a single parent want their FB status update littered with pictures of someone they just started dating? Granted, I see your point. Trust me, being a single parent myself... i'm full conscious of this. That's why I asked her permission. We were both drunk when we took the pic and I shouldn't have even asked to put it on facebook. But yet, she also said it was okay to do so and that she "couldn't wait to see who liked it"... then it never got approved to her wall Find a rebound. Get this headtrash out of your system. That is the worst advice I've ever heard on this forum. You must have no idea what it feels like to be a rebound...just getting out of a relationship where I was one... I wouldn't do that to another person. Ever.
Waynester Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I don't think your actions were unreasonable.. she green lighted the picture before you posted. My feelings are.. she stayed on the dating site, she never did deactivate it, & she has simply found herself another guy. But, to 'remove you' from the picture quickly, she made you think you were pushy & needy, & basically treated you very badly! Unfortunately you are still carrying your doubts, worries & insecurities from your previous relationship. Which is normal.. but I think she used this against you as her way out quick method. I don't think you did anything wrong. But she like it or not..is gone, history. You need to be strong, don't let what happened affect your confidence.. & strike out again. *From a fellow (sadly about to be i fear) single guy parent. 1
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