Should I ask out my swimming instructor?

[365daysgone]

I suggested it. Asked her if she just wanted to come over and watch a movie, she said yes like every other time I mentioned meeting. I tried no moves. I felt like she wanted a kiss at the end when I walked her to her car...I've never even kissed a girl before so the idea of this scares me. I'll create a thread on kissing later today I think. Ultimately, despite get seeming relaxed and outgoing, I think she may have been shy about meeting. It's still no excuse though.

[Skyraider829]

Well not entirely. She actually met up with me tonight. All my other invitations were to meet at a park but she met at my house tonight. We watched a movie and hung out. It's weird - and this has happened before in my life - but I had no anxiety tonight. It's happened before where I'm a little nervous before hand but then in the moment it's like I'm a completely different person. I was on top of my game tonight man. Now if only I can figure out how I stay calm in these situations. It happens so rarely, but its amazing when it happens...no anxiety around a new person!

 

Wow, this is something I was not expecting to read. Sometimes its best to keep your thinking right in the present moment, it is when you let your mind wander out of bounds that you start to anticipate and then worry, and for some reason that screws with their confidence. Good going! Stay on top of your game.

 

Now that you two actually hung out, how is she? Is she pretty decent and all? Fair qualities?

[365daysgone]

Relationship-wise, I don't think so. She mentioned twice about enjoying the weekend because she likes getting wasted. Wait until I tell her that I don't drink. Haha. Also the 5 flakes is hard to swallow. You seen the post of how pissed off I was when she had stood me up the first time. That alone makes a relationship hard for me. But also just personality wise, just not what I am looking for. And I don't sleep around, so I'd like I just be friends with her and hang out from time to time.

[Charlie Harper]

Whoaaa.. I have read the whole thread ... 365 here is some advice, parts of it are not going to be nice and some parts will be so bear with me ( I may write a whole "how to approach women when you are shy thread" LOL)

 

NUMBER ONE:

 

NOW is the time, tomorrow doesnt count, she is busy doesnt count, she is pissed doesnt count, NOW is the time. If you like someone or that someone looks back and smiles, the time is NOW. If she talks to you even better.

 

TWO:

 

Women like confident guys but not macho guys or bossy guys, they like confidence with a touch of creativity or good vibe.

For example if coffee from Starbucks is allowed at the pool, you go buy 2 small coffee cups and say something like : You seem pretty busy, and I wanted to invite you coffee, but since you are working... I hope you like decaf with no sugar... and you let her take it from there, its not bossy, non invasive, its just a coffee and the ball is on her side of the field. No way she can say no, even if she goes " its not allowed to eat or drink in the pool", you can answer, then can I invite you coffee elsewhere? and stare straight at her when making that request.... 9 out of ten times it will work

 

THREE :

 

If you are too shy, lack confidence or become very nervous and self conscious when approaching women, YOU HAVE a problem, and YOU need to fix it, in fact its the most difficult hurdle a lot of guys have.

You may be a super GUY and an excelent lover and friend but NOBODY will know because you dont approach women. And also Women love guys who are confident and teaste them and make them feel pretty and desired. The SAD part of it is that TONS OF JERKS will get women and perfectly good, caring, loving and trustful guys will be passed because of their insecurity.

Intelligent women go for this guys after playing the field, and then they look for this kind of guys...but back to topic.

Do your stuff become good at something, learn things, do hobbies and be confident on that, then women will go nuts when tey find out you are a very polifacetic guy, if they see you as a handsome guy who only speaks of cars and Football they will get bored, but if you also talk about politics, films, books, PLAYING AN INSTRUMENT is magic, I remember once I played like 20 Heart Songs to a woman, and she was in heaven, I learned a lot of Suzanne Vega and Sarah Maclahan songs...it makes wonders.

 

FOUR:

 

Don be a pickup artist ! BE YOURSELF, be natural, only stupid women fall for jerks and showoffs, the same happens for men, if you are yourself and confident on your skin, they will notice, if you have a nerdy hobbie talk about it and make jokes about it, dont make it the center of conversation or the focal point on who you are. No woman will be interested in world war 2 airplane models for more than 2 hours. The same as men will not be interested in finding out why Lancome makes better makeup than Mary Kay!!!

 

FIVE:

 

Let the lead you, if She is not very shy, you will discover they like to talk about themselves, follow their lead, ask, comment and let them, sometimes a nod or just saying "ah!" or repeating a little of what she said questioning makes wonders there is even a movie that has a joke based on that!

 

SIX:

 

If you hit a wall or a silence moment, have something interesting to say and to make an interesting conversation, be very broad with this subject, like saying " did you know we are going to have the brightest comet in a hundred years in 2 months?", dont talk about politics, abortion, anything controversial and AVOID THE WEATHER like the plague!

 

SEVEN:

 

Be honest, you can even be forthcoming in you intentions without sounding creepy, saying things like "I am happy about this coffee, I am having a great time" specially if this happens after you laughed about something, dont wait till the end, that way in the end you can ask for another date or coffee...

 

BUT BE HONEST if you mean it, dont play with other people feelings, and let them know you dont like it either, so they have the choice to drop you and no harm done.

 

I can think of at least another 5 or 6 things but these are the core. (maybe I should write a guide for shy people here on Love Shack LOL)

 

Now the weirdest thing, if you are multifaceted, funny, confident and NON threatening , women WILL APPROACH YOU, you just need to be "available", but shyness makes an invisible WALL around you...

[365daysgone]

^^ this is all perfect. You are smart. However I read all of this information online before I had aske her out. I appreciate the post but what you need to be giving me advice on is not how to approach girls, but how to overcome social anxiety. But, you don't need to do that. I'm working on it now. I've started a group I'm meeting with on Wednesday. I'm attending a Toastmasters meeting tonight. Signed up for yoga courses and am doing more swimmin lessons in September. Reciting positive affirmations. I get over this in 3-4 months, and the advice you just gave me will be a walk in the park. No more walls.

[Charlie Harper]

That is the way to go in life, fix what doesnt work, make yourself better person.... I am happy you know it....