Should I ask out my swimming instructor?

[365daysgone]

So I've got kind of an update/question but can someone reassure me of the odds of her being a member here? I've already given so much detail that it wouldnt be hard for her to figure out its me posting. I just get really worried about the very rare chance that she is registered for this forum...

Edited August 26, 2013 by 365daysgone

[Lansing]

If she was a member she would have already noticed this thread long ago. Feel free to post away. If it is private then leave out some of the info if you need too.

[Skyraider829]

So I've got kind of an update/question but can someone reassure me of the odds of her being a member here? I've already given so much detail that it wouldnt be hard for her to figure out its me posting. I just get really worried about the very rare chance that she is registered for this forum...

 

I'm pretty sure she isn't a member here. As Lansing points out, she probably would've already found it given the surprising popularity of this thread.

[365daysgone]

Ok so I had joined the online dating site like 2 weeks ago before I had asked her out. I specifically searched her and she was not on there. I asked her out, waited a week and then started texting her. She stops after a day and then today (3 days later) she signs up for this online dating site? She is now on here. Really? Longest relationship - under 1 year...

 

Did me asking her out make her think "maybe guys DO think I am dateable!" ?? But what must this say about me? She couldn't even go for a coffee with me despite 'seeking a relationship'?

[Lansing]

She is now on here. Really? Longest relationship - under 1 year...

 

 

What do you mean "she is now on here"? Do you know for a fact she is on here??? Or did you also post that on a dating site forum?

 

Maybe suggest hanging out again one more time and then move on completely.

[365daysgone]

Yes. She now appears in the search results and is listed under the newest users. I'm over it. Like I said, my infatuation has died almost completely. I just think that's really odd. It's like...you've likely never had a boyfriend...clearly you want one...a guy asks you out...and then you sign up for a dating site? That's fine if she's not into me. I understand. But what I think happened is she probably told her friends I asked her out. She probably showed them the texts. And they probably said "hey you should try this website." What do you think?

[Lansing]

That is weird, why would she become a member on this site??

 

Did you ever give her any hints that you read forums or anything like that?

 

Are you sure it is her? Maybe someone figured out who it was based on information posted here and is now trolling you?

 

Very odd, has she posted anything on here yet?

[365daysgone]

It's definitely her. There are pictures. Seems hard to believe someone would be trolling me. What's are the odds of that? Very weird though huh?

[Skyraider829]

Ok so I had joined the online dating site like 2 weeks ago before I had asked her out. I specifically searched her and she was not on there. I asked her out, waited a week and then started texting her. She stops after a day and then today (3 days later) she signs up for this online dating site? She is now on here. Really? Longest relationship - under 1 year...

 

Did me asking her out make her think "maybe guys DO think I am dateable!" ?? But what must this say about me? She couldn't even go for a coffee with me despite 'seeking a relationship'?

 

What online dating site?

 

It doesn't say anything about you, good or bad, in my eyes. Maybe after you proposed a basic little coffee date, her mentality changed like you conjecture? "Seeking a relationship" could have come up after the fact (maybe).

[Skyraider829]

Yes. She now appears in the search results and is listed under the newest users. I'm over it. Like I said, my infatuation has died almost completely. I just think that's really odd. It's like...you've likely never had a boyfriend...clearly you want one...a guy asks you out...and then you sign up for a dating site? That's fine if she's not into me. I understand. But what I think happened is she probably told her friends I asked her out. She probably showed them the texts. And they probably said "hey you should try this website." What do you think?

 

LOL, it would be funny if she turns out that she may have some slight interest in you whilst you have totally lost interest in her. Talk about ironic. Although I find it unlikely...

I need some clarification, is she here on LoveShack? Or some other site?

[365daysgone]

She is on one of the free online dating sites as of this weekend. Hopefully not on THIS site. Although I am conserned about her being on here...

[365daysgone]

That is weird, why would she become a member on this site??

 

Did you ever give her any hints that you read forums or anything like that?

 

Are you sure it is her? Maybe someone figured out who it was based on information posted here and is now trolling you?

 

Very odd, has she posted anything on here yet?

 

Sorry. I meant that she is on a free online dating site now. nOt this site.

[Skyraider829]

She is on one of the free online dating sites as of this weekend. Hopefully not on THIS site. Although I am conserned about her being on here...

 

It would be unlikely that she is on LoveShack, its not like she has questions regarding pursuits, interests or relationship troubles.

[clia]

Ok so I had joined the online dating site like 2 weeks ago before I had asked her out. I specifically searched her and she was not on there. I asked her out, waited a week and then started texting her. She stops after a day and then today (3 days later) she signs up for this online dating site? She is now on here. Really? Longest relationship - under 1 year...

 

Did me asking her out make her think "maybe guys DO think I am dateable!" ?? But what must this say about me? She couldn't even go for a coffee with me despite 'seeking a relationship'?

 

It's more likely that her joining the dating site had absolutely nothing to do with you. For all you know, she's been on it previously and just briefly took a break away from it. IMO, it doesn't seem like she's interested in you, based on what you've posted. If a guy you like asks you out on a date, you don't worry about how "busy" you are -- you find a way to go out with him or at least offer him alternatives.

[365daysgone]

It would be unlikely that she is on LoveShack, its not like she has questions regarding pursuits, interests or relationship troubles.

 

 

I know. But what do you think about her joining an online dating site basically like right after I asked her to a coffee. I find it hard to believe it is a coincedence.

[clia]

I know. But what do you think about her joining an online dating site basically like right after I asked her to a coffee. I find it hard to believe it is a coincedence.

 

I don't think anything at all of it. The world doesn't revolve around you. There could be a million and one reasons why she decided to join the site right now. I already think you've put too much thought into wondering about something that is none of your concern.

[365daysgone]

It's more likely that her joining the dating site had absolutely nothing to do with you. For all you know, she's been on it previously and just briefly took a break away from it. IMO, it doesn't seem like she's interested in you, based on what you've posted. If a guy you like asks you out on a date, you don't worry about how "busy" you are -- you find a way to go out with him or at least offer him alternatives.

 

I agree. There is no question that she has no interest in me. But she definitely just joined the site. Like I said, I searched her before and nothing. She is also listed under the newest users. She just joined right after we were texting. Very bizarre.

[Lansing]

You say you are over her but I don't think you are. If you are over her then you should let this thread die. I don't think you should ask her out again at this point but if you really feel like you need to "move on" then asking her once more in a week or so could be a last ditched effort.

 

You should remember though that it was a big step to ask her number. It wasn't that big a deal in the end right? So, just remember this NEXT time and get the number early on instead of building it up too much in your head. You will sound more natural the next time and the more you practice the easier it will become.

[Skyraider829]

I know. But what do you think about her joining an online dating site basically like right after I asked her to a coffee. I find it hard to believe it is a coincedence.

 

Be aware of "coincidental correlations". In other words, Event B followed right Event A (emphasis on the time factor), therefore, it can't be coincidence - it must be casual. Not always true. Correlation does not imply causation.

 

However, circumstantially speaking I am not inclined to say that is just pure coincidence since the probability of such a thing happening is very low indeed.

There could be a motivating factor from your coffee invitation. But I wouldn't view your coffee request as a direct cause for this. It may have been an influential factor though, or an indirect cause. It could be that your suggestion gave her a "kick start" and made her realize that she should give dating a shot. Maybe she's been out of the loop long enough that she now wants to jump back in and give it a try.

 

Its just my take on the situation at hand.

[Skyraider829]

You say you are over her but I don't think you are. If you are over her then you should let this thread die. I don't think you should ask her out again at this point but if you really feel like you need to "move on" then asking her once more in a week or so could be a last ditched effort.

 

It seems like he has some residual interest in this chick, you have a fair point.

[365daysgone]

Trust me, I am over her. I was just really curious of other opinions on her joining the site right after me asking her out. I am on to this other girl from this dating site now. She has stood me up once and cancelled 4 times...probably #5 tonight. But she is hilarious in her bull**** reasons. I think I am in love with her...kidding...

[Skyraider829]

hmmm why keep bringing up this topic. we already answered you. getting boring

 

Because he's learning. He's curious about these types of circumstances and it'll do him well to learn through these experiences as well as people's suggestions regarding it.

 

If its boring to you then find another thread.

[Skyraider829]

Trust me, I am over her. I was just really curious of other opinions on her joining the site right after me asking her out. I am on to this other girl from this dating site now. She has stood me up once and cancelled 4 times...probably #5 tonight. But she is hilarious in her bull**** reasons. I think I am in love with her...kidding...

 

I would not even pursue that. Forget about the OLD, its utterly stupid.

[365daysgone]

I would not even pursue that. Forget about the OLD, its utterly stupid.

 

Well not entirely. She actually met up with me tonight. All my other invitations were to meet at a park but she met at my house tonight. We watched a movie and hung out. It's weird - and this has happened before in my life - but I had no anxiety tonight. It's happened before where I'm a little nervous before hand but then in the moment it's like I'm a completely different person. I was on top of my game tonight man. Now if only I can figure out how I stay calm in these situations. It happens so rarely, but its amazing when it happens...no anxiety around a new person!

[Lansing]

Wow, surprised the OLD girl met up with you after flaking so many times.. and at your place too? Did you try any moves on her? Curious to hear more about that experience. Who suggested meeting at your place?