tbf Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 An affair has nothing to do with the alpha instinct. It's to do with having low self-esteem and requiring other people to fuel the internal lack through emotional and sexual stroking. The alpha instinct would have been to wipe out the competition, not share their women or sneak behind the alpha's back to cuckold. That would be beta or lower instinct. To summarize, neither your husband or the AP are alpha males.
road Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Oh, well then I'll answer then. Nothing whatsoever. I don't think any of those roles have anything to do with marriage vows. But the "male ego" is an interesting thing. H kept telling me after DDay that I am naive and don't understand men, and the extent to which they are dogs. He told me that AP had no interest in me as a person, just as a willing sex object. He also said that he thought maybe AP had a desire to stick it to him and prove that he could mate with the alpha's wife, so to speak. That sounds ridiculous to me, though the first part is probably accurate. Just curious if others have had any experiences with this stuff. A man having an affair can want to take away the WW from the BH and marry her. Or he can just be using her for sex. For your BH to say it was one way does not make what he said right. Men view sex as competition and domination. So, in your AP's mind were thoughts of how he was humiliating your husband. How he was demeaning him, and degrading him. That is how guys think. But many OW (though, many will lie about this) think the same about the BW. Whatever the OM reason for banging this WW there was the added bonus, and believe me a huge bonus for the OM to be able to knock off the alpha males WW. Fact is many a OM this is the sole purpose for an OM to go after a WW. An affair has nothing to do with the alpha instinct. It's to do with having low self-esteem and requiring other people to fuel the internal lack through emotional and sexual stroking. The alpha instinct would have been to wipe out the competition, not share their women or sneak behind the alpha's back to cuckold. That would be beta or lower instinct. To summarize, neither your husband or the AP are alpha males. Neither one may not be a true alpha. Though even there is still the fight to be the highest beta. Highest beta gets first crack at the alpha's crumbs. Alpha instinct has nothing to do with wiping out anyone one. Why risk any down side by having a conflict when one can move subtle behind the scene and get the same result. Even the animals try not to do serious harm when sparring to get to breed. Nothing gained by doing massive damage. Besides how is any man going to get laid by walking up to a married couple and say I going to bang your wife and then take the wife and bang her. The woman has to be courted to be cheated. Same for women. The art of seduction. The days of using a club then dragging your bee itch back to the cave are over.
2.50 a gallon Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 I have never thought of myself as an alpha, or whatever. Most of my adult life I have been a pussy hound. I had a very active sex life until I got married. I caught the Ex cheating and kicked her to the curb. Up until that time married women were pretty much off the menu. After the separation there were no rules. I was new in the area, so had not yet had time to scope out the territory for the best places to meet available women. And by luck found that married women were easy pickings. Only twice can I recall that ego had played apart in choosing that afternoons or nights partner. One was an associate OM's wife. And the second was when her H made a remark about my manhood, being as I had long hair and liked to dance. But must admit there was a certain kick when I thought about her H while we were in the act. As a side note, one of the things I noticed after getting married was how much my wedding ring was a magnet to some women. After we were separated I would put the Ex's pictured back up, then head out to a red neck bar. They always wanted to know it they were better than the Ex.
tbf Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Alpha instinct has nothing to do with wiping out anyone one. Why risk any down side by having a conflict when one can move subtle behind the scene and get the same result. Even the animals try not to do serious harm when sparring to get to breed. Nothing gained by doing massive damage. Besides how is any man going to get laid by walking up to a married couple and say I going to bang your wife and then take the wife and bang her. The woman has to be courted to be cheated. Same for women. The art of seduction. The days of using a club then dragging your bee itch back to the cave are over.Alphas aren't behind the scenes personalities. They're direct and dominant. As far as behind the scenes personalities, those are betas or lower. PUA (seduction) is teaching betas and lower, how to pretend to be sorority queens, not alpha males. It's full of non-alpha male behaviour, since most of it is passive and manipulative energy which translates to traditional feminine energy. This is why it's so funny to observe! Clubbing and dragging prey is very different from ensuring that they're the top male in the vicinity. In being the male that clears the competition, there's no need to club anyone, since they've amply displayed that they can protect and defend their own. In displaying strength and security, women will flock and preen, where they'll openly select and pursue the one they want. That's true alpha behaviour, not the smarmy, traditional feminine energy behaviours that PUA teaches. The above is exactly why neither of the males in the affair triangle being discussed in the opening post, are alphas. They display no alpha behaviours, just highly insecure, need a ton of external validation beta or lower behaviours.
dichotomy Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) I'm wondering, for those of you who've experienced an affair (from any side of it), how much male-female instinctive roles played into things. . Of course this plays a role in some affairs and relationships. The Madonna - Whore complex can play a role in some men's messed up choices to stray from their vows and their nice stable wife and mom to their kids. Just has The Alpha-Beta Male complex can play a role in some women’s messed up choices to stray on their nice safe stable husband and father to their kids. Sexual desire and safe/normal partners do not always go hand in hand. Research has shown how women and men respond sexually to certain instinctual (and often stereotypical) impressions of certain members of opposite sex. In these cases (and there are many others) Vows are broken when people are weak and give in to these base desires and needs for self-esteem and validation of themselves as sexual beings instead of honoring their vows and being people of character. For sure, this played a role in my wife's past poor relationship choices, even before she met me. Edited August 5, 2013 by dichotomy
road Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Alphas aren't behind the scenes personalities. They're direct and dominant. As far as behind the scenes personalities, those are betas or lower. PUA (seduction) is teaching betas and lower, how to pretend to be sorority queens, not alpha males. It's full of non-alpha male behaviour, since most of it is passive and manipulative energy which translates to traditional feminine energy. This is why it's so funny to observe! Clubbing and dragging prey is very different from ensuring that they're the top male in the vicinity. In being the male that clears the competition, there's no need to club anyone, since they've amply displayed that they can protect and defend their own. In displaying strength and security, women will flock and preen, where they'll openly select and pursue the one they want. That's true alpha behaviour, not the smarmy, traditional feminine energy behaviours that PUA teaches. The above is exactly why neither of the males in the affair triangle being discussed in the opening post, are alphas. They display no alpha behaviours, just highly insecure, need a ton of external validation beta or lower behaviours. Do not have to be an alpha to strut around as an alpha. Pretending to be an alpha and looking to have an affair. Nature shows on TV show the betas trying to pass themselves off as alphas to get some all the time. People are the same. 1
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