Nyclovin Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Lived together 5 years. Broke up 3 months ago. 2months no contact at her request. Thought I would may get a quick happy birthday text from the girl who said she loved me for years and who I thought I wold be ended to by now. Instead 3 months ago out of the blue she asks me to leave and says its over. Now all alone , I hoped, even though I knew it would do no good, she would at least send me a bday text. People are crap. Even those who claimed they love you. I wish her nothing but pain like I feel.
Stay Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Don't be so caught up in thinking about that. She's trying to get over you and you should do the same. You can love someone so much but when it comes down to it a break up is a break up and you gotta cut ties or else it'll just make things more complicated.
Omei Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Maybe you should try looking at it in terms of kindness would it also not gut you if she did text would it not make your mind race and give false hope? I am sure she had thoughts of you. Tho it may seem cruel as I all well too know also did 5 years now going into 5th month of breakup, how could they just vanish and so easy, but at least she's letting you heal, that's a gift.
Mrlonelyone Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Some people are that way. Especially in places like NYC, it is way east's to just go NC and pretend the person you " loved" never existed. Being decent to a ex-lover is now "creepy".
youngnlove89 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) Different people cope with break-ups in different ways. Some try to stay in touch, others eliminate all contact, others try for a “friends with benefits” situation, and still others try to drag their ex’s name through the mud. Your ex isn’t ignoring you out of spite, or because she hates you. The reason why she has so swiftly removed you from her life is because she didn’t take the relationship as seriously as you did, and was ready for it to be over. She doesn’t feel like she owes you anything anymore. And because of that, the break-up hit you a lot harder than it hit her. In other words, she just doesn’t care. Don’t expect her to have a change of heart, or send you a note to apologize. In her mind, your relationship is now a very brief footnote in her life, and I don’t think she’s going to revisit it again. So please do what you can to move on. Don’t pine for this person. She’s gone. We have to focus on what we should do after them. We have to accept they aren't coming back. Don't get stuck like I have. It wastes time. Remain NC, delete everything, block if you must and just start taking steps away from them. If we keep hoping they are going to contact, we will never move on. We have to let that go. My ex didn't say happy birthday to me either. I was sad, but now I think it was the best gift I was given. Imagine if they were to say happy bday, it would give us false hope and then what? We would wait for more pity breadcrumbs. We would continue going in circles. Now we have our answers. It's over. We have to let the idea of them coming back go. It will be a tough journey. But there is a happy ending. Edited August 2, 2013 by youngnlove89
Author Nyclovin Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 You guys are all correct. And I know deep inside a happy birthday text does nothing for me and would probably make it worse . I guess for months now I had been waiting for today as a final test, to which I already knew the answer . I am a footnote , 5 years are gone and wasted , and not even my birthday can break her down to text me. In my mind, 4 months or so ago, I was sure not one birthday would ever go by without us celebrating together . Forget celebrating , just thought a happy birthday was decent, maybe not sending it , like others have said was the more descent thing to do . Sucks to hate your life in your own birthday . Can't wait for tomorrow .
youngnlove89 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 You guys are all correct. And I know deep inside a happy birthday text does nothing for me and would probably make it worse . I guess for months now I had been waiting for today as a final test, to which I already knew the answer . I am a footnote , 5 years are gone and wasted , and not even my birthday can break her down to text me. In my mind, 4 months or so ago, I was sure not one birthday would ever go by without us celebrating together . Forget celebrating , just thought a happy birthday was decent, maybe not sending it , like others have said was the more descent thing to do . Sucks to hate your life in your own birthday . Can't wait for tomorrow . Oh I know exactly how you feel. Consider this comment from another user on here (the dumpers side): I'd like to share with you the significance of yesterday. It was my first TRUE LOVE's birthday. It is the first time since I've known that it was her birthday that I did not contact her. It wasn't hard for me, as I had accepted that the relationship was over four weeks and one day ago. What it was was sad. What I told myself- The best present I could give her is her space and distance from me. What went through my mind: If I don't contact her, will she think I hate her? Will she think I do not care about her and the relationship was in vain? Will she think that our time together was trivial and meaningless to me? These thoughts had coursed through my mind; notice the trend here. It was what I thought SHE MIGHT think. One or all of the above may indeed be true, but I do not know, and should and will not dwell upon wondering about. What I DO KNOW: We are not together; her silence speaks volumes, and I have business to take care of myself. What I do know, and will admit to: If I had been in contact with her, and she didn't respond, I would have been hurt. This is due to neglect. If she did respond coldly, I would have been hurt, and ticked due to a bruised ego. If she responded warmly, I would have been excited, and have hopes that we would be "Together Again, Again" as Buck Owens sings. Today is day 53 NC for her, and day 29 NC for me (I had to do some counting and math here, so I believe I am making progress!) The key- be honest with yourself. Don't take the high road with yourself when it comes to being in contact with your ex. If you realize you still have romantic feelings towards her, be careful of contacting or accepting contact with her, because your train will be derailed. This is what I had to come to terms with. Men with temporary broken spirits out there-heed this advice. On a tangent, I will address this issue. Be a man. If there is an emergency that occurs where she is in trouble and you can do something to prevent or alleviate her distress, NC is suspended. This is part of the responsibility you accept when you are gifted with the XY Chromosome. You have the same responsibility to not hold this over her head as an excuse to get back with her. You take care of your business because it is good and right for you to do. You watch out for the good of humanity because it is good and right to do. You brighten the world one small flicker at a time, and this can mean all the difference to a soul. It has made a difference in my life.
Author Nyclovin Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 Interesting and thoughtful perspective . Essentially there is nothing to be done but endure the pain and try and be better for tomorrow .
Stay Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 You guys are all correct. And I know deep inside a happy birthday text does nothing for me and would probably make it worse . I guess for months now I had been waiting for today as a final test, to which I already knew the answer . I am a footnote , 5 years are gone and wasted , and not even my birthday can break her down to text me. In my mind, 4 months or so ago, I was sure not one birthday would ever go by without us celebrating together . Forget celebrating , just thought a happy birthday was decent, maybe not sending it , like others have said was the more descent thing to do . Sucks to hate your life in your own birthday . Can't wait for tomorrow . If she said happy birthday or celebrated it with you, how do you think you'll react/feel? Take it from me, my ex celebrated my birthday with me, felt great but guess what.. It didn't feel the same. In fact in the end it felt worst and I rather have not even celebrated it with her. The week after guess what, she told me she's been seeing someone else. So she can celebrate it with you but have no intentions on anything which will make it worse, it's better to not have anything than something forced and unwanted.
Author Nyclovin Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 Great point stay. I guess I can only pray that on next aug 2nd I won't give a ****t either way.
supaflyz Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 I guess you was hoping she text you happy birthday to show that she still cares. However, some people just choose to be strangers after a breakup. Screw her man. 5 years (that is 5 years out of your life with a certain person. That is 5 birthday you guys spent together. Also 5 years out of your life when a man life span is around 75?) It may be even less, I haven't look at the stats in a long time lol. I don't understand how people could be like that either. At least it's over now. You don't have to worry about false hope.
Stay Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Great point stay. I guess I can only pray that on next aug 2nd I won't give a ****t either way. Depending on how you broke up, I'm sure you won't care about it. My ex has been talking to this guy and lying to me behind my back going out, etc. and I found out everything by putting the pieces together by myself. She didn't even have the courage to tell me the whole truth. Lets just say it's been about a month and she's been stringing me along for about 5 months deciding which guy she wanted(I didn't know this at that time or else I would have left!) and I'm glad it happened and can care less about everything. I've been with her for almost 7 years and for her to leave me like this shows me a lot, she's not willing to stick it through with me even though she always says she is that person, she's everything she says shes not. I know how much it hurts, even though she did this to me it hurts real bad but honestly talk to some girls, go out as much as you can and just have fun. I've been hanging out with a few girls and certain girls seems to just come out of the blue after finding out I'm single. It makes me feel great about myself and boosts my ego a lot. I'm not saying go around and date as many girls as possible but just go out with friends, have fun, converse with girls and enjoy yourself, enjoy the things you couldn't do with her. Soon enough you'll find out you're wanted and it'll make you feel great inside. Also do something you like, make a purchase you want to that you had to think about when you were with her. Enjoy the hell out of your life right now because that's the best you can do. Today is your birthday right? Well Happy Birthday man! Go buy yourself something nice! SERIOUSLY! Be selfish and do great things for yourself. Those times where people invited you out but you didn't want to go, go now! Always accept invitations, pretty soon you'll lose all you're feeling now.
Darren Steez Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Lived together 5 years. Broke up 3 months ago. 2months no contact at her request. Thought I would may get a quick happy birthday text from the girl who said she loved me for years and who I thought I wold be ended to by now. Instead 3 months ago out of the blue she asks me to leave and says its over. Now all alone , I hoped, even though I knew it would do no good, she would at least send me a bday text. People are crap. Even those who claimed they love you. I wish her nothing but pain like I feel. No you don't. You wish she texts you and somewhere down the line y'all get back together. Hard as it might be, stop focusing on her and what you HOPE/DESIRE/WISH FOR, and focus on the reality of the situation. She wanted out, she got out, she said NC and she has kept it. Seeing otherwise only resulting in feeling hurt. Even if she's seeing someone else, she had the good sense to break up first. So focus on you and heal.
Highness Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 That sucks. My short story - I had a 3 yr r'ship, ended about 3 months ago. Limited contact since, him trying to be friendly and me being cordial (he cheated). Anyway on my bday last week I got a message from his mum, his aunt and his sister - but not him. I was surprised and hurt, espesh as he knows bdays are important to me. Then at 10pm I got a msg from him - but only informing me of his new phone number as he had changed jobs. He completely forgot my bday. He messaged me a week later saying 'hope you had a fun bday' (prob coz he saw pics of me with a guy at my bday party on FB) and I replied saying 'yes it was lovely of your family to message me on my actual bday'. His reply? 'That was nice of them.' No apology. What a dick. Its what I needed to get over him though. I know it doesn't directly relate to your situation, but just another perspective!
Author Nyclovin Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 Thanks to all for your thoughtful responses. It's now the day after the bday and despite me staring at the phone periodically until 12am.... Nothing... Not an email not a text after 5 years living together. I guess this helps in knowing for sure just how done she is. Meaning , I can stop hoping for texts on the average Monday if my bday wasn't gonna get one. Not sure why I can't accept she is completely done with me. I guess it's because she never gave me a clue for 5 years and it came so suddenly.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Ny, Don't feel bad. Eight years together, engaged, a year (plus) post BU. Have my own great place now, happy yet still think of her also (not sure why) and hoped she'd text me LAST year. Never happend. Oh well, guess that's where I stand in her life. Embrace it as a reason to never look back. Difficult, I know, as we CONSTANTLY look back as dumpees. Funny note? My ex (x3) text me happy birthday this year! I no longer have interest in her, but it was very sweet and a total surprise that she even remembered after all these years (11?) Life goes on!
portableversion Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 yeah its not going to be easy getting dumped never is, it hits like a ton of bricks and just hurts real bad. But at least your ex did not lead you on like mine did, she kept coming around telling me she missed me, thought I was doing good things with my life and thought of reconciliation, but it was all lies, huge lies. SHe is now married to her boyfriend less than a year after we divorced. Her antics set me back who knows how long. Yeah bottom line they wanted out, they didn't want to do anything to try to fix the relationship it was just easier to get out and try again with someone new. Forget about commitments, promises and vows made before god. They just want to have it good with no effort, oh this is hard I don't like it ... next!! It makes it real hard at times to be a decent person, it takes me continual daily action to remain decent, cause yeah I could fly off into a rage hoping wishing and praying she get some sort of horrible disease or get maimed in a car accident or perhaps her new man will cheat on her. BUt that is not good at all, its just best to try as hard as possible to find new things to replace them so you don't even think about them at all. Easier said than done but find those activities, find those new friends, hopefully find that new love. One thing that helped me was to get rid of just about everything she looked at or touched, plates bowls, mugs , my garbage can, pair of jeans she got me. Too bad my finances are horrible I have a few coats and shoes im itching to toss but I cannot afford replacements, even these cheap pair of shoes she got me, they are kinda falling apart but I keep wearing them even though at times id prefer to get bare foot and get my feet cut on broken glass. Yeah screw these people they can rot in hell for all I care, they dont care about us so f- them . I need to goto church I can see already and I need more than that, this is misery at it's finest....good luck bro as everyone says it gets better with time but the longer you were with them and loved them the worse it is. hang in there and try not to self destruct
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 ^^^ What he said, minus the church part. (Sorry portableversion)
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