desperategirl Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Hi all, I've posted about this guy before, a friend of mine who i talk to a lot, and who i have liked a lot for about a year. We'll talk for upto four hours at a time on the phone, and communicate nearly every day. I have been unable to conclude whether he likes me - I think he's pretty reserved, shy, and maybe he just doesn't. My friends think we communicate a lot for people who are just friends. I don't believe he knows I like him, or if he does, he's comfortable with it. He usually lives far away, but is visiting for a couple of weeks. We met at the airport, chatted for a few hours before I went to work. He was keen to make plans for dinner, coffee and hanging out, but I was a bit non-comittal (just feeling overwhelmed) which seemed to irk him a bit. I worry that sometimes he sees me as a guy (lots of high fiving and arm wrestling). He is not tactile, neither am I. I'm too shy I guess, and he's not like that with anyone. Should I just tell him how I feel? While I was waiting for him, my heart was pounding, my hands were shaking and sweaty, and I felt sick. There's a really good chance he doesn't like me back, but at least I've got it out into the open. What do you think?
HiddenUser Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) Hi all, I've posted about this guy before, a friend of mine who i talk to a lot, and who i have liked a lot for about a year. We'll talk for upto four hours at a time on the phone, and communicate nearly every day. I have been unable to conclude whether he likes me - I think he's pretty reserved, shy, and maybe he just doesn't. My friends think we communicate a lot for people who are just friends. I don't believe he knows I like him, or if he does, he's comfortable with it. He usually lives far away, but is visiting for a couple of weeks. We met at the airport, chatted for a few hours before I went to work. He was keen to make plans for dinner, coffee and hanging out, but I was a bit non-comittal (just feeling overwhelmed) which seemed to irk him a bit. I worry that sometimes he sees me as a guy (lots of high fiving and arm wrestling). He is not tactile, neither am I. I'm too shy I guess, and he's not like that with anyone. Should I just tell him how I feel? While I was waiting for him, my heart was pounding, my hands were shaking and sweaty, and I felt sick. There's a really good chance he doesn't like me back, but at least I've got it out into the open. What do you think? Hi, desperate. It sounds to me like you guys have a pretty well established friendship, but only you know the technical details of it. I don't want to demean you or make you feel like I'm targeting you, but if you like him that much, why would you avoid making plans if he is the one trying to set them up? Depending upon how blatant he was in his approach and how blatant you were in your hesitation, you could have dealt a significant blow to his esteem. Meaning, he might not be so quick to ask next time. Maybe I'm oversensitive, but if I had the impression a girl liked me and I asked her to go somewhere, and she backed off, I'd be sure she only liked me as a friend. That's just me. I don't mean to attack you, I just wanted to point that out. Please don't feel bad about it as those aren't my intentions. On another note, you have to understand and weigh the consequences of telling him. If you guys are best friends, you need to know that if he doesn't like you back, it could really affect your relationship. However, if he does, it could be the best thing in your life. It comes down to taking the risk. If I had to give it a yes or no, I'd say to tell him. Life is way, way, way too short to play games and torture yourself like this. I've done it before and it doesn't feel good. It's not taking chances that we regret, it's not knowing what could've happened if we did. I can't tell you how much I've kicked myself for not telling the most beautiful girl I've ever seen how gorgeous she was. She followed me from store to store but I was way too afraid to tell her. It was awful. Making eye contact with her is one of my most vivid memories. Maybe because she was so beautiful or maybe because I know I never took the chance. Whatever the case, it's still with me to this day. I wouldn't wish it upon anyway else. Let your heart lead the way, girl. Edited August 2, 2013 by HiddenUser
Author desperategirl Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 Hi, desperate. It sounds to me like you guys have a pretty well established friendship, but only you know the technical details of it. I don't want to demean you or make you feel like I'm targeting you, but if you like him that much, why would you avoid making plans if he is the one trying to set them up? Depending upon how blatant he was in his approach and how blatant you were in your hesitation, you could have dealt a significant blow to his esteem. Meaning, he might not be so quick to ask next time. Maybe I'm oversensitive, but if I had the impression a girl liked me and I asked her to go somewhere, and she backed off, I'd be sure she only liked me as a friend. That's just me. I don't mean to attack you, I just wanted to point that out. Please don't feel bad about it as those aren't my intentions. On another note, you have to understand and weigh the consequences of telling him. If you guys are best friends, you need to know that if he doesn't like you back, it could really affect your relationship. However, if he does, it could be the best thing in your life. It comes down to taking the risk. If I had to give it a yes or no, I'd say to tell him. Life is way, way, way too short to play games and torture yourself like this. I've done it before and it doesn't feel good. It's not taking chances that we regret, it's not knowing what could've happened if we did. I can't tell you how much I've kicked myself for not telling the most beautiful girl I've ever seen how gorgeous she was. She followed me from store to store but I was way too afraid to tell her. It was awful. Making eye contact with her is one of my most vivid memories. Maybe because she was so beautiful or maybe because I know I never took the chance. Whatever the case, it's still with me to this day. I wouldn't wish it upon anyway else. Let your heart lead the way, girl. This is a beautiful response, thank you so much. No offence taken at anything you said: in fact, I agree. There was some hesitation, because I was feeling low, feeling that he didn't feel the same, and genuinely didn't know if I could face spending all that time with somone who didn't feel as strongly as I did. I guess you answered the question perfectly - take a risk, know the dangers, but do it. I guess I feel like I'll feel pretty strong and bold if I do it, even if I don't get the response I want. Thanks again.
HiddenUser Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 This is a beautiful response, thank you so much. No offence taken at anything you said: in fact, I agree. There was some hesitation, because I was feeling low, feeling that he didn't feel the same, and genuinely didn't know if I could face spending all that time with somone who didn't feel as strongly as I did. I guess you answered the question perfectly - take a risk, know the dangers, but do it. I guess I feel like I'll feel pretty strong and bold if I do it, even if I don't get the response I want. Thanks again. I'm happy to hear it. I wish you the best of luck in your choices.
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