arcobb Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 I feel hopeless tonight. I have gone through the break-up and everything that goes with it. Right now I'm not hurting from the break-up. Rather I just feel lonely. It almost seems as if there is no one who cares about me and I am just living another day to pay the bills. I'm thinking of a line Tom Hanks says from the movie Castaway. I just keep breathing. I feel suficated and bored even thought I do get out and make a point to try to be social. But I still feel empty......
jellybean Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 Hi arcobb, You feel depressed tonight, but it will likely pass. Are you sure you've really recovered from the breakup?...it can sometimes take longer than you think it will.
greenlove Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 Why is it then that you think you feel lonely? Breaking up it hard, but with time those wounds will heal. You should try spending more time with friends and family. Why not even take up a new hobby or a course if you have the time.
kellydontwanttasleep Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 other then work what do you do for yourself.
whites7 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 The ideas are always the same...talk to friends...talk to family...get new hobbies.. But when the blackness sets in you don't care about anything. You want to poison your life, to hurt more because you deserve it. I don't have a family...or one that remotely understands me anyway. I have great friends...not many admittedly, but they can't help, no-one can. I think this is a great web site, but please keep the advice real. Text book answers of friends, talking, hobbies....man, if you are really down, your brain doesn't work like that. You can't see anything in front of you. There is no point to having a hobby. There is no way you deserve to have fun. The last vestiges of your heart have been mangled and you are facing a slow, painfull death. The only thing that does help.....and this is my point....is that there are others out there hurting just as much. It doesn't make it hurt any less. I am in my own personal hell right now, but I have yet to read anything that helps other than the fact that some people care.....unlike the f**king love of my life
JamVan Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 That's what you need to concentrate on, if you're on a break or broken up it's time to start thinking for yourself. Torturing yourself with why's? What are they doing? What went wrong? and all those other questions that continuously pop into your head will just destroy you. You can't make someone want to be with you and by beating up on yourself will not make the feelings go away. I know I'm one to talk becasue I still miss my ex like crazy, but it does get easier. Take up some things that interest you. Try fulfill your dreams you had or have for yourself. It's time to concentrate solely on yourself and not your significant other (ex.).
utwonderwoman Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Whites7, I understand exactly what you are going through. Today is a bad day. Not quite sure how to go on. Just being. It seems to take all if my energy to get up and out the door in the morning. Who has the energy for hobbies? I don't know about you, but the only thoughts that ever cross my mind are of him and it has been two months. I even took a second job to get over him and it isn't working. And I want to hear another solution besides time. Time isn't doing anything but making the process longer.
whites7 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Originally posted by utwonderwoman And I want to hear another solution besides time. Time isn't doing anything but making the process longer. Hi utwonderwoman I wish I knew...if I did I shout it from the rooftops. I have given up taking it one day at a time...I'm on five minutes. I feel sick, totally drained..and now I'm off to the toilet for another cry...f*ck this for a life. Someone told me to write a list of things I didn't like about my ex...the only thing I came up with was she dumped me...
JamVan Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Time soesn't seem to be helping, but one day you will realize it will. Tell me if I'm out of line, but do you see a therapist? Reason I ask is I have been seeing one for about a month now, becasue I was right where you are right now. I felt like I couldn't live without her and was just so down about the whole thing that I needed to figure all the **** out! It really has helped me and may be a good idea to try anyway, cause I know how this can totally beat you down, take all emotion and energy from you and just feel like it is destroying you!
whites7 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Hi JamVan I saw a therapist about a year ago after I had a "bad time". I feel if I go back, then I haven't moved on in the last year. I don't know if that's my pride or what. Or maybe I don't want to feel better...aargh, where is my brain....I'm sounding crazier by the minute...
JamVan Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 You don't sound crazy at all, I know myself I feel like I'm going crazy quite often because I haven't totally moved on yet. If you still have any thoughts of her and perhaps getting back with her, then you too haven't moved on. In that case try think where your head is at and deal with the issues presented in your thoughts. I am having a really bad day today with regards to the situation, cause I dreamt of her and it was all to real. So, today are one of those days I totally miss her and wish everything was how it used to be, but part of me thinks that will never be again!
utwonderwoman Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 We saw a therapist together and it never really took. I saw the therapist for a while but felt I was really getting no where.
whites7 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 I'm having a really bad one too. I am thinking of her...and nothing else. Also, she has a red car...and there seem to be an awful lot of red cars out on the roads. I am struggling with the 'no contact' thing too. Part of me thinks that if I really do love her, and I do, that I shouldn't give up on her. I want to call her, send flowers...the usual. It was such a shock to be dumped, I didn't see it coming. I can't believe it is not just a rash decision she is making. So what's your guess, should I get in touch? She called me last night to see if I was ok, and I think I convinced her I was...but now I want her to know how much pain I'm in, she is the only one who can take it away
JamVan Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 I know how hard the no contact thing is. Everyday I want to contact her see her etc...but to be totally honest in my situation the times I get the best results is when I disapear from her life for awhile. It is really hard on me, but I do end up getting to the point where I say screw it I need answers and want them now. I would suggest go with your tru gut feeling, you may want to contact her but think first if it's the best thing to do? For me my GF went into a major depression and needed time to be alone. At first she wanted to remain together, but have me give her space. I tried this for awhile, but in the end it wasn't enough for me and had to say no more. Since then we have had one big blow out, then talked again and said lets just see where things go.
Nick14 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Ya whites its like this. If you told her how you feel right after the break up and try to convince her once, thats ok. If thing still do not change, walk the hell away and start NC. See, I learned the hard way and bugged constantly here and there in september after the breakup. That just pushed her away more and probably resented me. Ever since the break up from day 1, she has not initiated contacting me first. I contact her and I go straight to voice mail. Emails are not replied and so do text messages. I gave up around the 2nd week of october and now I don't feel the urge to contact her, its been 2 months since the break up and I am sure she is happy with whatever. So, oh well I have people who say she is stupid for leaving and she's only 22 and left a great 2.5 year relationship.
JamVan Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Nick14 is right, a lot of times relationships end and not becasue they aren't good, it's becasue the other person has issues and needs to sort them out. The truth of the matter is, if you do continuously make contact, they have no idea what it feels like to not have you there, cause you're always there. Nick14 is also right, when stating that they will begin to resent you and that boils over into arguments. I know when I first broke up, the first week I would call her and automatically talk about resolution, this had no effect at all. Once I retreated totally then it was her beginning to make contact. If you do run in to her or she finds out through the grapevine how you are coping, you will want to project that you are doing fine, you are living your life for you and have a positive outlook on life, even without her. This is what attracts them to us in the first place, so don't lose that.
Nick14 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Like her issue was she felt things were drifting apart and blah blah blah and how she doesn't know me anymore. Right there my boys and girls, is pure excuses and she's in denial over it. Realistically, she wants to see if the other side of the fence is much greener and see if having fun and seeing other guys can do it. My insight in all of this is, at first of course there not going to listen to whatever you say. They have made up there minds already, so why keep pushing the issue. You find out that, a month later, she's already seeing someone else and that you know its a rebound to fill a void. Its funny, how women make up so many excuses that they can't even face the mirror and look at themselves and go "wtf did I just do", they can never admit that. I guess, I am glad I stopped after a month, instead of carrying it over to like 3 or 5 months. Then of course I hear from her best friend that "theres no chance in hell she would want to come back now and she is probably resenting me" so, well I dunno, I can't say **** happens but she does have to understand from my shoes how's it feel, that you drop a bomb on my nuts and dump me for other selfish reasons. Let me make a note, that I was her first serious b/f, her firsts with everything. I have 2 relationships in the past before her and I felt this relationship was very serious and I really saw her with me for a long time. But I knew I was taking a risk with dating someone who has no prior experience whatsoever and that one of these days she wants to go experience something else. Obviously, I didn't want this day to happen. But guess stupid me for giving her my heart.
JamVan Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 "It's better to have loved and learned, than to have not loved at all" If you never took the chance then you would have never loved her. Even though it hasn't ended in the scenario wanted, it must have still been a learning experience, that you can take onto your next relationship.
archiep Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 whites i have to thank you. I am in same boat, utterly depressed today, but the quote u made about making a list of all the things u didnt like made me laugh my socks off. Dont know if u intended it as funny, but it cheered me up for a while Now back to the tablets i suppose.
whites7 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Guess I'm fu**ed then...thank god I'm not sober...trouble is I will be tomorrow. I know what you say makes sense but I really really thought she was the one. I'm 39, doesn't feel like I'll ever find love again (cliche) and never gonna have kids...all those dreams....
JamVan Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 I'm with you all the way on that one. I totally thought she was the one and still do to a point. We talked about marriage and were planning to do it sometime next year, I was planning to pop the question in February, but those plans are keibashed for now! It just hit me what exactly we had. We had awesome times, laughs, sex...we had it all, then this thing called depression came in and took that all away!
whites7 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 **** Nick14, sounds bad....I know I am on the verge of ******ng up too. I want to call her every minute of every day. Why do we mess stuff up so badly, why don't we just walk away with our pride in tact...we crumle because our emotions take over so much so that we loose our self-respect, we can't think straight. So many of these posts are "sensible" but loosing your love of your loife isn't sensible and we should be allowed to act a bit mad..... I have been beating myself up because I posted my girlfriends kids pictueres back to her because they made me cry.......I was wrong, the kid is only 4 and totally innocent and I behaved awfully.......but Surely I should be allowed my moments of madness when I am so hurt I can't think straight. Don't beat yourself up......experience tells me there are plenty of othetrs in the queue!
Nick14 Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 Originally posted by whites7 **** Nick14, sounds bad....I know I am on the verge of ******ng up too. I want to call her every minute of every day. Why do we mess stuff up so badly, why don't we just walk away with our pride in tact...we crumle because our emotions take over so much so that we loose our self-respect, we can't think straight. So many of these posts are "sensible" but loosing your love of your loife isn't sensible and we should be allowed to act a bit mad..... I have been beating myself up because I posted my girlfriends kids pictueres back to her because they made me cry.......I was wrong, the kid is only 4 and totally innocent and I behaved awfully.......but Surely I should be allowed my moments of madness when I am so hurt I can't think straight. Don't beat yourself up......experience tells me there are plenty of othetrs in the queue! True, but there arn't that many ques where I live. Everyone its immature and its mostly a college town. Either there busy with school. partying or just want to be single. So, I am pretty much screwed out of the whole process. But I will say this, at least I didn't keep on bugging her for another 3-4 months. 1 month on and off, thats still considered pretty dangerous but 3-4 months is devasting!
whites7 Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Ha....must have been drunk when I wrote that....I sounded almost positive! See my new post.....my rant, my heart, our dream..
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