mich723 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I'm 25, and my boyfriend is 31. We've known each other about a year and have been dating for the last 8 months. About two months ago, I told him that I loved him. He told me that he cares a great deal about me, but he's not in love with me. I'm happy about his honesty, but from time to time I do get upset he doesn't feel the same. The thing is I don't know if he'll ever fall in love with me or not. I don't need to hear the words right now, but I'd like an answer whether he'll get there or this will be a one-sided relationship when it comes to those feelings. I have talked to him about it, and he says he just doesn't know. He said his feelings grew through the first few months of the relationship and then just plateaued. I enjoy my time with him and vice versa. I truly care about him, but I don't know if I'm wasting my time by going forward in a relationship that's possibly not going anywhere. Once again, everything I'm saying here has been said to him so I have talked and communicated. I feel now though I need some outside advice or rather just an insight. One thing I feel I should add: he has said to me his family comes first. Which I agree upon completely. But he also has stated to me that three of his closest guy friends come before me. Now maybe I'm being selfish, but I feel I should be at the same level of his friends at least. Well, that's all I have to say about that.
TaraMaiden Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Dump him. From a great height. That's all I have to say about that. 6
KungFuJoe Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Move on. Family coming first, I can understand. But not one...but THREE of his friends? Oh hell no. 3
BluEyeL Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Don't waste any more time, it's been 8 months, he should know by now. And the rest is even worse (friends come before you ..). 1
NJtoDC Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 8 months in I would want to know where this is going. Are you looking for the person you want to marry, settle down, and have kids with? If so ya'll need to talk. If he isn't serious about you he needs to stop wasting your time. His friends come before you? Sounds like a charming man:sick: 2
Author mich723 Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 What I mainly think I'm going to do is bring it up again. He told me about his friends a few months ago and I didn't bring it back up. I didn't mention that part, but still. Thanks for the input though.
StarsOnFire Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 He said his feelings grew through the first few months of the relationship and then just plateaued. red flag!! His feelings plateaued before he's even fallen in love? Not that he has to fall in love in 8 months, but what worries me is that he said they plateaued. Not that his feelings are growing and he's getting to love, it's that his feelings aren't growing....
TaraMaiden Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 What I mainly think I'm going to do is bring it up again. Don't bother. Really. Waste of time. His family has priority over you? Mine has priority over my H. Sometimes. At other times, he has priority over them. It's called 'balancing'. Nothing is ever cut and dried. But: Hi friends also have priority over you? Unacceptable. If you're being downright unreasonable, telling him he can't ring them without your permission (to cite an example) that would be opne thing. But my friends do NOT have priority over my H. Even when we were single. Friends contribute. Partners commit. And he's never told you he 'loves you'? My husband told me within a month of us beginning to date. He still tells me now, nearly 10 years on.... Like I said: Waste no more time on this jerk. "It's the person who cares the least, who controls the most." Do NOT hand him control of your life. you can't MAKE him see things differently, and you can't see things differently, enough for the both of you. Dump him. NOW. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 My boyfriend's family has priority over me because he has to take care of them. But he also makes time for me when he's not with them. His friends have priority over me when he's needed by them, but when I need him, he choose me over them. As TaraMaiden says, it's called " balance'. And it's a major red flag if he doesn't love you. That means you're around because he's comfortable with you. But he probably wouldn't hesitate to dump you if he falls for another girl. 1
Recommended Posts