ahalstead Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I believe I know the answer to this...before even posting it...but maybe someone will say something contradictory. I do not know. I've been dating my current girlfriend for over a year. To come straight out and say it, I am not attracted to her. I avoid making out with her and it's been nearly a month now since I've done anything sexual with her. I am 31 and want to have kids, she's 27. She's considered as attractive by a decent portion of people. Now here's the part where I may sound like a tool, and I apologize for this, but I believe I understand the root of my issue. I am use to dating what are considered very attractive females. When in public, the kind of women that turn heads. My gf is not that type. You may say she's cute, but... In the bedroom I am actually turned off by her in the nude. I've tried over the past 6 months working out with her, even bought her running shoes and she's been trying, but she just doesn't have what I am use to. Now the good things about her. If I found her attractive, I'd ask her parents for her hand in a heart beat. However, sometimes I find myself antsy to be seen with her in public, almost ashamed. I feel soo, soo bad for it... She's a super sweet heart. Wants to spend every free minute with me. I've never once however initiated any romantic encounter with her, it's always her and she jumps at the littlest chance to, to which I follow along. I typically will keep my eyes closed if we do, do anything. She fits me to a T lifestyle wise and I truly believe I will not find another female that will fit me as well as she when it comes to this. This is my dilemma. She loves me for me. I can't even tell her those words, as I don't physically love her... I know beauty last only soo long, but I need it at least to show her fully my loving side... I am not getting any younger, I'm in this eternal struggle. Please give me your thoughts.
Mascara Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Please give me your thoughts. You should let her go. She deserves much much better, and I'm fairly confident she'll find it. 1
Floridita Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Christ, just break up with her already. But for god's sake don't you DARE tell her that's the reason. I don't understand why you even entered into the relationship if she isn't your "standard." Don't you have models falling at your feet? 1
Author ahalstead Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) Wow, tough crowd in here. I almost regret even making this post, jesus christ. I have tried breaking up with her, twice. She keeps coming back...and I give in. I am lonely, emotionally, and I do enjoy spending time with her. I consider her my best friend...and she has all the qualities I would want in a wife, minus the part where I am physically attracted to her. I have women that use me for sex. I am tired of it. I took some fatherly wisdom and tried dating "outside of the box". She's the cute innocent church type girl. I'm the "tattooed" bad boy. I.E. One of my ex's used to model for perversefixation and model mayhem. Another was a stripper (not full nude). Edited August 2, 2013 by ahalstead
Mascara Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 If you don't want honest answers, don't post. You've admitted that she is ideal except for her looks. Oh, and Model Mayhem? lol. I use MM for work, and 90% of the "models" on there are the roughest tricks you'll ever meet. Good look finding your soulmate.
TaraMaiden Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Wow, tough crowd in here. I almost regret even making this post, jesus christ. Tough luck, buddy. You post something as obviously prejudiced as you have, and you WILL have the Indignant Brigade biting you on the ass. Get over it. I have tried breaking up with her, twice. No you haven't. 'Trying' isn't 'doing'. You need to break up with her, go No Contact, and quit breaking it. Every time you do, you break her heart and give her false hope all over again. Jeesh, what kind of man are you anyway?! She keeps coming back...and I give in. I am lonely, emotionally, and I do enjoy spending time with her. So you're using her, too. Shame on you. I consider her my best friend...and she has all the qualities I would want in a wife, minus the part where I am physically attracted to her. With friends like you, I would recommend you encourage her to make as many enemies as possible... Where do you get off being so selfish? I have women that use me for sex. I am tired of it. I took some fatherly wisdom and tried dating "outside of the box". She's the cute innocent church type girl. I'm the "tattooed" bad boy. BUT YOU'RE DOING THE SAME THING TO HER, FER CHRISSAKES!! End thgis, once and for all. Change your contact details if needs be, but quit feeling sorry for yourself and letting her back in. You're being selfish, abusive and unfair. Quit. TM. (proud to be part of the IB.)
eddyctv Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Typically the crowd in here likes to nitpick what people say. You get model type women? That's great! I don't know why people have a problem with this, or that you attract them, or that is your standard. Thats just how you are. Now, if you aren't attracted to your girlfriend physically, and it seems like it won't change, why would you bother staying with her? I get it that you like her in all other ways, but that's what friends are for. If you wind up staying with her and having kids, you will most likely regret it, since she isn't your type and it obviously affects you. I don't think there is a "right" way to get a girl to work out so she can meet your standards. It's not gonna happen. I see no reason for you to stay with her. Find a hot model type and move on. 1
Mascara Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I think you'll find we've all been saying the same thing.
Gottabestrong Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Why did you even start dating her, if you were not attracted to her? Or were you in the beginning and those feelings waned? Either way, I think you know what you have to do; end it and find someone you DO find attractive. Sounds like you feel more like a friend towards her, not a boyfriend. Give both of you a chance to find the right person for you! Good luck!
Quiet Storm Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 It will never work. Your guilt will turn into resentment because you believe you deserve a better looking woman. Her love will turn to resentment when she gets sick of initiating all the time. If you get married you both will be miserable, and it will trickle down & affect your kids in a negative way. You two are not compatible. You are a very selfish person if you continue a relationship with her. Your are putting your feelings (guilt, loneliness) above your consideration for her. She deserves a man that can love her fully & completely, flaws & all.
StarsOnFire Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 You know the answer. Let her go. And let her stay gone. She deserves someone who sees her beauty. Someone who wants to see her when having sex. Someone who is proud to hold her hand when walking down the street. And that is not you, and will never be you. Move on, and let her move on.
dasein Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Yeah, time to move on and let her go truly free, no more boomeranging. You already know this. Discount the nasty posts here, people internalize too much on this site. If you were a female OP and posted the exact same thing, you'd get mostly sympathy from the same posters roasting you. Good luck moving forward.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I hope she never ever read what you wrote on here. And please stop leading her on. Let her find someone who will appreciate her for her.
happykat Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Please let her go!.. The worst thing is you are wasting her time right now, and you know it -- this is cruel.. She could be with someone that truly loves and appreciates her, but she's with you .. because you are lonely? Do the right thing.. It would be best for both of you - you can move on to someone hotter, she can move on to someone who really appreciates her..
TaraMaiden Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Yeah, time to move on and let her go truly free, no more boomeranging. You already know this. Discount the nasty posts here, people internalize too much on this site. If you were a female OP and posted the exact same thing, you'd get mostly sympathy from the same posters roasting you. The hell he would. I'd tear into her like a storm and rip her a new one, be sure of that. I really do NOT differentiate. Idiots come in all shapes, sizes, genders and other genres. To me, a damn fool, is a damn fool, male or female.
marqueemoon4 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) I like how it's 90% women trashing the OP. As if they've never been in a similar situation. But if they were Im sure they all handled it perfectly. I know exactly how you feel... and I'm sure it's hard to just cut her off 100% because you care for her. You should end it with her and do your best to not really hurt her emotionally. It goes both ways, if she felt the same way you did she'd probably cut and run like most (weak) people do. Edited August 2, 2013 by marqueemoon4
Toddbt12y1 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Probably no reason to keep commenting on this thread. As the OP seems to have left. Frankly, OP. A true deep care for another person, one inwhich negates how another person looks. Obviously l, if you truly love someone, you've accepted them for all that they are. I'd let her go. Stop all contact. You may like her persona, and other qualities: but, this is not a healthy relationship.
TaraMaiden Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I like how it's 90% women trashing the OP. As if they've never been in a certain situation. What "certain situation"....? I know exactly how you feel... and I'm sure it's hard to just cut her off 100% because you care for her. It's hard for him because he's taking advantage of her....to whit: She keeps coming back...and I give in. I am lonely, emotionally, and I do enjoy spending time with her. I consider her my best friend...and she has all the qualities I would want in a wife, minus the part where I am physically attracted to her. You should end it with her and do your best to not really hurt her emotionally. He's already done that, goodness knows how many times...'She keeps coming back.' He's going to confuse the hell out of the poor woman. She must be feeling very insecure right now, which is why she initiates so much. In an effort to please him....if only she knew!! It goes both ways, if she felt the same way you did she'd probably cut and run like most people do. He ain't 'most people'. He's selfish and self-centred.
Recommended Posts