berkeley1987 Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 so i told my ex gf this "either you get back with me or i'm out of your life for good!" she didn't like that and it made her upset. she revealed that she left it open for us to get back together in the future, but now i ruined my chances. i pushed and rushed her so much to the point that she now only wants a friendship. i didn't give her time to think about what she really wants with me. but i get mixed signals like she's bluffing about only wanting a friendship. she says "if we mean something we wont be gone forever... i can learn to love you again.." she doesn't want us seeing other ppl and that her friends said she can have any guy she wants but only wants one guy, but he has to meet her needs. then goes on to say the next day "i don't see us having a future together" but say's "i hella care about you, but there's no way we can have a chance anytime soon.." so what would you guys think is going through her mind? Link to post Share on other sites
Sleepwalk Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 More like what is going through YOUR mind.I have seen a few topics,about how she's twisting you,and how you're twisting this whole thing more.Stop doing it,and realise,that you need a hell lot of talent,to start this over again,smoothly,if that's what you really want.Stop being so ignorant and narrow minded,sir.She keeps telling you something,and you step on the opposite path,just stop talking to her,for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
thishatteredsymphony Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 You know her better than we do, but this sounds to me like she is using you as a backburner in case things don't work out how she wants. Giving your ex an ultimatum, unfortunately, I feel isn't going to end in your favor. If she is having doubts now and you tell her she needs to choose, this will probably just reinforce those doubts. The best thing you need to do now is focus on yourself. Instead of telling her to choose you, YOU should choose yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 Never give ultimatums unless you are fully committed to seeing them through. Because, they usually don't end up in your favor. And if it does, they usually hold some kind of resentment for you. So, you gave the ultimatum and where is she? Apparently, not with you!!! So, you need to start NC, do not respond to anything she sends you. Let calls go to voicemail and BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!!!!! She made it clear how she felt about the ultimatum. She's gone. Start NC and move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author berkeley1987 Posted August 2, 2013 Author Share Posted August 2, 2013 we've both blocked each other. she says we need to completely have no contact in order for her to forgive me. she doesn't want me out of her life forever, i don't either really. i just get mixed signals as if she wants to get back together or she wants to be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
unexpectedlyhere Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 These are not mixed signals. They are very clear signals. She doesn't want YOU. She wants a version of a boyfriend she has in her head, WITH the added certainty that he has feelings for her, they know each other really well, they have a past, etc. Read what you wrote above. She's basically saying "I'd be with you if you were a different person". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Echo000 Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 what did you do to her that requires her forgiveness? Link to post Share on other sites
GG3 Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 what did you do to her that requires her forgiveness? I second this. Sounds like she is twisting things so she always has the power. Stick with what you said. You need to show you won't put up with being on her back burner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Echo000 Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 my ex did this too..was so often in the wrong, always crying and apologizing and i always forgave her for all the little bullsh** (never cheating. would never have tolerated that ever). But by the end, even though we both did things (naturally during a break up) that hurt each other, she made it seem that i was totally wrong. that it was totally my fault. Thats manipulative. She is trying to keep the power, keep the control. Dont tolerate that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author berkeley1987 Posted August 3, 2013 Author Share Posted August 3, 2013 not only that, i get mixed signals when she gets hella jealous if i talk to other girls. like why would she get mad if she broke up with me? shes always talking about things i should change for the future, like i always text and never call... like the future is directed at her. Link to post Share on other sites
Sleepwalk Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 My ex was apparently already seeing another guy,and when she saw me talking to other girls,she almost flipped out.It's all bull****,man.Don't live with the thought that she will love you forever and still wants you back.She is stuck in that little game of hers,and you are giving her too much to play with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author berkeley1987 Posted August 3, 2013 Author Share Posted August 3, 2013 it is bull****. i see her tagged in all these pics with other dudes all up on her. when i say something about it she doesnt say anything..and blocks me so i cant see anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Misfortune Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 It usually is bs and code for "I'm going to date other people". Berkeley: you didn't ruin anything, she just wants to have you on the back burner. You owe her nothing now that you aren't together. When people leave relationships, 9/10 it's because they have someone else. People are afraid of being alone so they latch on to someone else to feel safe before leaving you. She's just blame shifting, trying to control your life and it seems to be getting to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 i wish a girl hella cared about me. but seriously, you think giving an ultimatum would make her run back to you? no...and it gave you a clear answer. there are no "mixed signals". you gave her a choice, she didn't choose you. so go through with your ultimatum and drop her from your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 ^^^^^What Flitz said, X1000 Link to post Share on other sites
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