SteveWolf Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Me and my ex broke up approx. 3 months ago. We were extremely close, and we even cuddled asleep the last night before the breakup. When we broke up, she did it electronically after I made a big mistake (I deserved it, but am not beating myself up about it.) She deleted me off facebook, and my friends, and mentioned that it's best not to be friends with them right now, as it would be awkward. I'm still not friends with her on Facebook. She also said to me, that she can't be with me "Right now" when we broke up. Basically, I needed to man up and get over my past butthurt from my bad childhood, and learn to deal with my problems in a more open and vulnerable matter, instead of closing off and becoming a bully. The breakup was my fault, though I am not beating myself up about it. I had lost my frame after losing a very good job, and relied on her to be my source of happiness. As you all should be aware, this was a BIG mistake. That and I kind of became a douche, and wasn't being the best boyfriend I could have been. I realize exactly where I made mistakes, and truly believe I am a better man now because of it. The breakup was inevitable, and taught me many things. I expressed this to her previously, and thanked her for breaking up with me, because I would not have learned any other way. We hugged, we cried, I asked her to kiss me on the cheek goodbye (in a very smooth, non-committed way) and she did. I had expressed this to her almost a month after the breakup. She had mentioned to me when we were in the relationship that she appreciated my adaptiveness and ability to learn from my mistakes, and be the best man I could be. I met with her today, and I transferred my car out of her name (we had this set up for insurance purposes) at her work. We talked for about 15 minutes, until she got off. She asked me about how my dates were going, and I said alright. I asked her how her dates were going and she said she was not impressed. I told her that this is the best, however I would like to remain friends, if she would like. There was definitely some flirty chemistry going on. There was witty banter and flirty eye contact/ We had both lost weight, so we look better than ever. I listened intent-fully to what she had to say (sometimes I was a bit too aloof in the relationship), however I did veer off on purpose, so I naturally wouldn't become needy.. Her feet were facing towards me, while often mine were facing towards the door. She complimented me on my "man-jewelry", meanwhile I validated her awesomeness with her skills with kids when she discussed her poetry classes. She ended the conversation by saying her shift was over giving me a hug (I said some smart ass comment like, what is this now? LOL) She left the employee exit while I exited the main exit, and I caught a glimpse of her in the corner. I jokingly said that she was quick. I'm assuming she was distracted by this comment, because she couldn't find her car. I immediately teased her, and called her silly while pointing to her car as she was walking in the wrong direction. I then proceeded to get in my car and left. I have had two separate friends with empath/psychic abilities (who spoke out on their own regard without me asking) both say that we are not done yet with quite an emphasis, but that can be interpreted very broadly. While I believe that reconciliation is possible, and we have closure, I'll be alright if we don't reconcile. While she was walking back into the employee area after she hugged me, I called her back and asked her when she was available to get coffee.( I purposely bailed on our upcoming coffee date) She mentioned to get in contact with her and figure it out. In our previous relationship, I was more the taker, and she was the giver. I have since realized I cannot be a douche if I want a true, romantic, and equally loving relationship. It was quite the eye opener. I feel I took her love for granted, and because of that she got tired and hence, the inevitable spiral occurred. We are both looking to start our lives over career wise, and go back to school once again. I'm a fairly smooth and attractive guy, who just lost my steed when my passions got derailed. I am back on track. I am feeling positive, and truly believe that reconciliation is possible, however the cat and mouse game of attraction has to be played, and I wouldn't want it any other way. If we reconcile, I truly believe she could be the one, and am willing to maintain the romance and the push-pull, in order to have a longtime companion as we strive through our busy days and work towards our life goals, if it reaches that point. My question to all of you is, how should I go about upping the attraction and romance to a former lover, without coming off as needy? What should my next moves be?
Misfortune Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Just be you, honestly. Sure you change some habits here and there but don't compromise your core self for her. You don't have to be on guard/putting on a show for someone to like you. Be natural. Do what you feel is right, whether it be NC, LC or contacting her when you feel like. Just respect her wishes and let time do the rest.
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