Is it ever appropriate to ask the numbers question?

[ChessPieceFace]

Appropriate or not, she could always lie, so why bother asking?

 

... why bother asking anyone any question at all then, because they could just lie?? What the ...

[candie13]

I'd want to know. It's not the number I am after, it's the behavior pattern. Is he into one night stands - when did they happen, in college or was it when he was drunk and horny / last month? Did he sleep with married women? Did he cheat while on committed relationships?

 

Did he have any threesomes? Two men or two women? I'd like to know. Is having threesomes something he fantasizes about, because i should know early on - I'm not that "experimental".

 

When was it that he had most partners - in his twenties or recently, in his thirties? Any links between the number of sexual partners and break ups?

 

I think people will do what they've always done:

- Someone who had constantly sex with taken women or has cheated sexually in his most significant relationships is more likely to repeat that pattern.

- Someone who has revenge sex will continue to have revenge sex.

- Someone who is insecure will continue to seek confirmation when feeling insecure.

 

Obviously, I'd be smart enough to not ask all these questions at once, but I will make sure to ask them. I'd also want to know how experimental he got sexually - including whom he had anal with. I got no pbm with my sex history, I don't think he'll get bored either .

[mortensorchid]

I made that mistake once, I used to ask how many had been there before me. I don't anymore. Your asking is not the issue, it's the answer you're going to get that is what worries. Honestly, does it matter if it's 1 or 101, or something in between? Is there an appropriate answer that would make everyone happy? If there is, I don't know what it is.

 

So quite honestly, assume the person before you has a past, then think about the here and now.

[candie13]

Numbers don't tell ****, I just want to get a general idea. Even simply hear him talk about that - open and reassuring as opposed to evasive and vague.

 

I am not judging my partners based on their sexual past, but I would want to know about my potential SO's. The truth is we are the result of our past actions. And I also believe in patterns, but I guess I've already explained that .

[carhill]

Is it ever appropriate to ask the numbers question?

 

Sure, in response to a direct inquiry about same...

 

Example:

"How many lovers have you enjoyed, carhill?"

 

"Four wonderful ladies. How about yourself?"

 

IME, I've never asked a lady about her past lovers; some have offered information on such matters. I have, however, asked about relationships, like LTR's and marriages, and their impressions of them.

[candie13]

Well, most guys will spontaneously mention anyone significant, so I take it from there. Again, never direct questions or making a whole discussion about it, but I am making sure I am asking all the questions I feel the need to ask.

 

Whom they've loved, whom they've slept with, yes, that is important, even if it's not the wisest or best choices. Or exactly because of that.

 

Funny, looking back, I wonder how could have I had such a lame bf picker and how come I have such a fantastic friends picker. I guess I simply do better with the ladies, compared to the young gentlemen. Well not all of them... but a few of them, OMG .

 

Sure, in response to a direct inquiry about same...

 

Example:

"How many lovers have you enjoyed, carhill?"

 

"Four wonderful ladies. How about yourself?"

 

IME, I've never asked a lady about her past lovers; some have offered information on such matters. I have, however, asked about relationships, like LTR's and marriages, and their impressions of them.

[Tally123]

I am the same, i want to know the ins and outs of his sexual past... not good! I found out that during one sexual encounter someone stuck their finger up my bfs bum, i had the hump for hours ha!!!! Why I asked is beyond me!

 

T