therhythm Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Well if the info is important for you go ahead and ask... but you can't unknown it anymore once you get the answer... if the answer is not what you wanted to hear you can mess the whole relationship.... I am no jealous at all so I don't mind to know and I don't mind to share my pass either... If someone wants to be with me needs to accept me as I am and with all the decisions I have taken in my life.
Author Phantom888 Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 Too bad none of that is verifiable, like a credit report. LOL But hey, if it makes you feel better, then great. she is honest. everything checks. i have no reason to doubt her. 1
Author Phantom888 Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 So, did you get the 6 guys' names so you can Google them to make sure you are better looking and more successful? Don't need to. I know I'm better looking and more successful.
PlumPrincess Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 she's perfect. I am the flawed one. I love her with all my heart. We will see each other tonight. I feel this incident has strengthened our relationship, as we are on the same page regarding sex and relationships. Really glad we had the talk. My prediction is that this is not going to last for very long. Very soon you will find something else to complain about her. Then you will regret it again. This will get repeated a couple of times until one day she ends it because she has enough of your jealousy and insecurity. 2
Drseussgrrl Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 You know what? you are really a mean-spirited person. Does it get you off to see people suffer? Geez... No babe. I'm not mean-spirited. But you're making YOURSELF suffer here. You get so worked up over things like her FB friends and wondering if you should ask her about her sexual past. Most people like to be loved for who they are, not who you want them to be. 2
Mascara Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I wonder if they were bigger than you? Is she still at work, maybe you should ask. 7
Drseussgrrl Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I wonder if they were bigger than you? Is she still at work, maybe you should ask. Also OP - recognize that not all is well and good here now. Something else is going to crop up that you'll be wondering about and want an answer to. That's the trouble with being so caught up in stuff like this. First it was her FWB. Then it was her facebook account. Now this. Picturing men in her bed and it making you sad. I mean - stuff that just doesn't occur to people to even think about. You are incredibly insecure and you're going to drive her away if you don't get a grip on this stuff. It's like a weed that will choke the fun and life out of your relationship. I'll tell you - I would be APPALLED if my boyfriend called me at work and asked me about my sexual history. Absolutely mortified. 6
Author Phantom888 Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 Also OP - recognize that not all is well and good here now. Something else is going to crop up that you'll be wondering about and want an answer to. That's the trouble with being so caught up in stuff like this. First it was her FWB. Then it was her facebook account. Now this. Picturing men in her bed and it making you sad. I mean - stuff that just doesn't occur to people to even think about. You are incredibly insecure and you're going to drive her away if you don't get a grip on this stuff. It's like a weed that will choke the fun and life out of your relationship. I'll tell you - I would be APPALLED if my boyfriend called me at work and asked me about my sexual history. Absolutely mortified. Nope. Not insecure. Things get handled as they come up. The FWB is gone for good. The FB is a non-issue. I'm just getting the unpleasant obstacles out of the way early on so we can focus on our future together. She wasn't offended. In fact, she was adamant about telling me because she has nothing to hide. Nothing wrong with that. I don't need to defend us in front of heartless people like you. I mean, you can hide things all you want. Just because I want to solve problems doesn't make me insecure. I know where I stand in her life.
Drseussgrrl Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Nope. Not insecure. Things get handled as they come up. The FWB is gone for good. The FB is a non-issue. I'm just getting the unpleasant obstacles out of the way early on so we can focus on our future together. She wasn't offended. In fact, she was adamant about telling me because she has nothing to hide. Nothing wrong with that. I don't need to defend us in front of heartless people like you. I mean, you can hide things all you want. Just because I want to solve problems doesn't make me insecure. I know where I stand in her life. Heartless? Wow. I'm not hiding anything from my BF. We just don't feel it's relevant to talk about. And what you aren't getting here, OP - is that MOST PEOPLE don't consider things like who you had buttsex with to be a "problem" to sort out. But - I'm done here. Good luck! 2
Mascara Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I sometimes wonder why people post questions on here. If all you want is to vocalise your query and have people agree with you, stand in front of the mirror and shout at it. 3
Menina Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Nope. Not insecure. Things get handled as they come up. The FWB is gone for good. The FB is a non-issue. I'm just getting the unpleasant obstacles out of the way early on so we can focus on our future together. She wasn't offended. In fact, she was adamant about telling me because she has nothing to hide. Nothing wrong with that. I don't need to defend us in front of heartless people like you. I mean, you can hide things all you want. Just because I want to solve problems doesn't make me insecure. I know where I stand in her life. I'll be honest, the least thing I would like receiving during my work would be a call from my boyfriend, out of the blue, asking me about my previous sexual partners so good for your gf to handle the situation well. Now, the fact that you both laughed about it afterwards or that she told you a detailed account of her sexual history doesn't mean that she won't be asking herself, at this moment why the heck would you ask her something like that in the middle of the day and how did you take it. As an objective reader, who doesn't personally knows you, everything you posted gives up an insecurity vibe. But we all have been there before in one way or the other, and again, I may be wrong. I hope that now that you know this doesn't affect your views on her or that it doesn't affect your relationship. I don't know how not knowing her sexual history could pose an obstacle to your relationship, but to each their own. However, keep in mind that every relationship has its ups and downs and there's no such thing as getting rid of obstacles first and living a happy fairy tale life forever and ever. The key is trusting each other, communicating, not letting the past affect your present and dealing with each 'obstacle' as they come. Anyhow, I do commend [sic] you for being proactive about something that was bugging you. 5
sillyanswer Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 The only rule about asking is that if you ask you have to come back to Loveshack to tell us what a great idea it was in retrospect. (This never happens. There's a reason for that.) 5
Author Phantom888 Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 It's never appropriate. And if you ask, next you'll want to know who they are. Then you'll want to know what happened, her current relationship with them, then you end up getting paranoid, etc. Just not worth it. No I'm done with it. She told me what they were like as people, and clearly they were not for her. I appreciate her honesty. She trusts that I would never use any information against her. She basically opened her heart to be vulnerable to me, and I did the same. I truly believe we think on the same wave length....we were practically born at the same time. We are really not your typical couple, come to think of it....which is a good thing.
dasein Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 How will your string of over 200 partners be manifesting itself? "Dated 200 women" over decades does not = "slept with 200 women." Sorry to spoil your typically overhasty and addled dig. Wipe the foam off, and better luck next time making your endless fascination with me the topic of a thread when I'm clearly not the topic here. Have you been rejected often because of your extremely prolific dating history and evident inability, or disinterest, in forming any kind of a relationship with a woman? More inept foam, more off-topic addlepation. I've had many relationships, not that it's any of your business. I haven't asked for anyone's commentary or advice on my dating or relationships, and if I needed advice about dating or anything else, certainly wouldn't ask you for it.
Phoe Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I personally would never ask, nor would I volunteer my information out of the blue If a guy asked, I'd tell him, and I wouldn't really be bothered about it because I have nothing to hide. But I definitely believe that people are best off just not sharing details about the past. A convo about sexual health and safe practices is as far as it ever needs to go. 1
xxoo Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Does she know that you reported her stats here immediately after this personal discussion? Your behavior (both calling her at work for this talk, and giving the details here) seen overly impulsive for a person your age. If the relationship is good, why so much examination and need for feedback? 5
Author Phantom888 Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 I personally would never ask, nor would I volunteer my information out of the blue If a guy asked, I'd tell him, and I wouldn't really be bothered about it because I have nothing to hide. But I definitely believe that people are best off just not sharing details about the past. A convo about sexual health and safe practices is as far as it ever needs to go. My girlfriend has nothing to hide. I would really have been surprised if she revealed something that is completely contrary to her character. Would I break up if she told me she had 100 partners? No...but I would question myself how I could be so far off....or why she would disrespect herself in such a way. That's all. As stated in my other thread, I was expecting her number to be around 11-12. I am happy that she and I view sex and relationships from exactly the same perspective. I feel truly glad and blessed.
Author Phantom888 Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 Does she know that you reported her stats here immediately after this personal discussion? Your behavior (both calling her at work for this talk, and giving the details here) seen overly impulsive for a person your age. If the relationship is good, why so much examination and need for feedback? I didn't call her out of the blue...btw. I emailed her earlier to ask if we can talk about this topic at noon, and she said okay. She wasn't shocked. She knows me well enough to know that I get bothered by certain things, but once resolved, it's all gone. She was afraid i might judge her. I told her she should never be afraid of that, as I have been judged all my life for various things that are not my fault. Am I a bit impulsive? Maybe. Insecure? Maybe at some point in my life. But I really mainly just wanted to know so I don't ever have to think about it again. Why I think about it I don't know. I know I'm attractive and successful. I just want to know stuff that people don't want to know. I don't know.
Star Gazer Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I feel this incident has strengthened our relationship... This was an "incident"? You seem to have had a lot of "incidents" in the 2.5 months since you've been dating. 3
Star Gazer Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 she is honest. everything checks. i have no reason to doubt her. So, you checked. Trust, but verify doesn't equal trusting.
Leigh 87 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 This is ridiculous. I've recently got my sleeping around stage out of my system. And you know what? I hated it. But it took me doing it to realize that I do, in fact, need to save hook ups for a guy I am dating and really like. It's absurd to claim that a person who has gone through a state in their lives where they slept around, is somehow going to be more likely to be a bad partner! ! I adore the men I get into relationships with. I'd never cheat or even drink without them being present. My ' sexual history' has absolutely no indication of the sort of girlfriend I'd be. I love using sex as a tool to express my love. Even though I've recently come out of my crazy hook up period, I value the intimacy that sex affords a loving couple in much the same way a woman with lower numbers would. In fact, I know other people like me who say that it took them to sleep around, in order to figure out how much they don't care for it, and also how much they PREFER sex in the context of a loving partnership. I love that most people here agree that a lot of people who have high ish numbers can make just as wonderful partners as their lowered numbered friends. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I would hire a private detective to follow her around. That's the next logical step in this lovely relationship you have. I'm guessing you've already checked her credit score and called her personal references. 2
Divasu Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 OP, your posting history with regard to this woman, borders on obsessive. If you don't mind me asking, has this situation presented itself before in a prior relationship? Have you ever cheated on a partner?
BradJacobs Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 @OP: You keep saying that you're not insecure but I wonder if she told you that she wasn't going to answer your question, how would you have reacted? She never counted before because no one asked before me. ... One thing she commented was that she felt a little sad that I may be judging her. But I wasn't. I was not insecure, jealous, or anything...I just wanted to know so that I could put this thought to rest. When people feel judged they are prone to lying to make themselves look better. Also when I had a low count like your gf I didn't need to chronologically go through my history to get to the number. Chances are very high she left off a great deal of her history because of the judgment. I certainly wouldn't be taking that number to the bank and odds are high that she's going to come clean months or years down the road after the guilt eats at her more and more. 1
xxoo Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 (edited) I just want to know stuff that people don't want to know. I don't know. So, just ask her! She's your gf. Not us. Who cares what we think? My H and I shared all this stuff in the beginning of our dating relationship. We just wanted to know everything about each other, and jealousy was never a factor. No biggie. Why all the angst about it, posting threads about it, and reporting back with her personal details that she shared with you? That's what would piss me off....not the actual questions. Why do you need to run everything by an audience before and after? Isn't it enough just to enjoy the relationship? Edited August 3, 2013 by xxoo 1
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