separated 1/2 months hopeless

[lostsoul469]

Well hello I've had so many emotions running through my mind and I'm just sort of lost.

My wife and I have been together for 7 years. 4 together 3 married. We had the greatest relationship that I could have ever imagined. I was her first and she pretty much was mine also. 2 years ago I got sick. I started getting these pains in my arm that would run up to my chest that would cause my arm to completely shut down. I felt as if my hand wanted to explode everyday at least 2 or 3 times an hour. I pretty much ended up turning myself left handed because of this. We use to play, wrestle, tickle each other and everything like that. Well once this pain started it stopped because I just couldn't any more. I started to see a bunch of doctors I would say over 12. I had surgery to have a rib removed 4 or 5 nerve blocks and just did everything to get rid of it. I finally just gave up on myself.

I shut everyone out in my family and the worst part about it is that I shut her out. I didn't realize how selfish I was being when I did this. She was pretty much taking care of me. I still had my job but i just gave up on myself. I didn't try to make myself better anymore. She ended up getting distant with me. She wanted to go out and i would let her. I let her do anything that she wanted to do. It eventually got to the point were she just thought that i didn't care about her at all. We never fought, she couldn't stand hurting my feelings and visa versa

She just recently told me that she no longer wants to be with me any longer. I broke down and told her that I didn't want her to go and that she means everything to me. I appologized to her for being so selfish that I shut her out because of my pain. She said that she loves me but not like that anymore. She eventually broke down and told me that she has been having an affair behind my back for about 4 months. She said that she didn't think that I would ever change. She said that she had married a man but ended up feeling like she was taking care of a child.

We are now split of course. She took my heart and the dog. She was the greatest person to ever happen to me and it's just so hard to let her go. I admit that I got lost in my pain and shut everyone out family and her. I gained weight, didn't talk to anyone, and lost the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I hadn't spoken to her for a over a month. Within that time I just got on my grind. I started working out. I reflected a lot and realized exactly what emotions she was going through all of this. She just wanted me to acknowledge her. To show her I cared and I still had that passion for her. She wanted to see if I could overcome the pain and be her man again.

I seen her this past weekend at an art show that her brother was having. Let me through this out there. She was religious, her family is really religious. They loved me with all of there hearts and seen the change in me also. They noticed that i went into a bubble. When her family found out what happened they sort of shut her out. They believed that marriage is through sickness and health. Well all of her family ended up being on my side. I had lost 25 lbs every single person of her family was shocked in how good i looked and seemed. So I ended up pulling her to the side and talking to her. I just put it out there. I didn't say that I want her to forgive me or that I was sorry. I was overly apologetic when she told me everything. I just told her that I had been reflecting on how I made her feel. In detail, that I made her feel insecure and not loved and that built into shell to avoid me. I got the response of "I'm glad that your looking good." "Why couldn't you have done this before.". She tells me that she hates the fact that her family now still likes me more than her. I told her that my family misses her so much. She started crying saying that she can't reach out to them because she knows they know. She said that she is moving forward.

I love my wife so much. It's so hard to forgive myself for locking myself up in a shell and putting out the only person i ever cared in this world for. I couldn't stand seeing her feel so sad. I just told her that she is a strong woman. The strongest woman I know. If anyone could get through this it would be her. I want my wife back!!!!! I know she is still seeing this other man. I am fighting though!!! I want to tell her that I don't want our old relationship back. I want to start a new one. To prove that I am the man she fell in love with and I promise that I can be better than my best at being her man and husband. Please!!! Any advice will help.

I am in counseling myself. I was made aware that she had went 1 time so far. Since we have had no contact since the other night. I have no idea what she is doing. She has been staying with her brother but told me that she is getting her own place in 2 weeks. I don't know if she wants to rekindle the relationship. I believe she is still seeing this other man. I feel if I tell her to stop talking the OM that she would just push me away. That i don't have the right to tell her what to do. I read the article "The Fog" and it seems like that is what she is exactly in. She just seemed so hurt by me. She told me that she went for the other guy because i wasn't giving her what she wanted. I have not kept any contact with her. When I had seen her it had been about a month from any contact what so ever. I know if I text her she would more than likely text back but the last thing she asked me for was her space. So that is what i have been giving her. I'm seeing a therapist and they insist that I give her time and not make any contact. The therapist insisted that i didn't make any contact with her at the art show. I know that i have already changed myself in a big way. I'm a heck of a lot more independant. I still think that i'm not there mentally though. I feel as if i need to be right in my head. I'm trying to build myself a lot more confidence. She did also tell me that she had been want to leave several months ago. I believe she is still seeing this other person though. I feel as if there is no hope. I won't feel right about myself if i don't at least try.

 

I still have the pains but I see them as an enemy that ruined my life. So I see them as an enemy that i have to conquer. I used them as a crutch for so long now I use it as my strength.

[lostsoul469]

I brought up the divorce while everything was going down. Everytime i brought up the subject she would just get quiet and not talk about it. I know i should but i still see there as being a chance. I just wish her fog could be lifted but thats like me hoping for me to hit the lottery for a week straight

[lostsoul469]

LOL. THANK YOU SO MUCH. It has been a long time since i had a good laugh. I didn't know how the whole divorce thing works. So i think i might eventually give that a shot. Gonna keep the NC, then say it's a dead relationship and try and be the friend thing. If that doesn't work divorce mission ahead. I'm a completely different person that what i was when she left. TBH i'm better than my best.

[lostsoul469]

#1

Soaked up and hollowed now I feel the sun shining, If brightness could show how I feel it would be blinding.

I fell to bottom now I'm over the top, Man I love the way I feel and it's not gonna stop.

Wake up great as if my soul has been lifted, Now I can say that my life has been shifted.

Confidence is high and I feel like cloud nine, The glory I'm showing is just my own pride.

For I have seen the light and it says I’m on my way, As the time goes by all my goals I will slay.

So I won’t be content will all that I have, If I strive for the future and I’ll never feel bad.

I put those goals in I mind and see that success, In the end it might not feel it but I’ll be better than my best

 

 

#2

On top of my world is all I can see, As far as I came I never thought I could be.

It was time I grew up and got rid of that stash, It’s like a whole new me as been risen from the ash.

I prayed to the lord and then thought to myself, I’m not at the bottom I’m on the top shelf.

I was like a lion trapped in a zoo, Opportunity has came now it’s time to break through.

Hard times come, but you have to learn to fight, Because after every dark moment there is a ray of light.

Have goals for what you will be and be happy with who you are, In the end you might surprise yourself and be your own star.

We all have things we want and determination is the key, When you tell yourself to give up don’t listen to that plea.

So work for the future cause we all have our own story, Don’t write your own book and at the end you feel sorry.

I say I’m over the top but that is just a lie, Cause my top has no over and I’ll never stop my stride!!

 

 

Don't get me wrong. I love the hell out of that woman but I did not deserve that.

Edited August 2, 2013 by lostsoul469

[lostsoul469]

I'm getting to the point of putting her on blast and posting a picture of her I found with this other guy on Facebook. Title being: Happy late aniversery oh wait that's the guy you've been cheating on me with for the last 4 months!" Lol. I dont care how it makes me look. I want to hate her but im such a nice guy.She is still blaming everything on me. She is not taking any blame on herself. I love her so much but fudge!! I didn't deserve that. She never told me what she was feeling. She just did it. I'm so hoping for reconciliation but ...

[Oberfeldwebel]

What you admittedly did is wrong, but does not justify her actions. If she had come to you and said that she was leaving for emotional abandonment, that would be understandable. She instead decided to have an affair with another man. This was not because you were emotionally unavailable, but to satisfy her own selfish desires. Also her family does not love you more than her, but is merely holding her accountable for what she is doing. Sounds like good people to me.

 

She has been exposed to her family and friends. There is not much that you can do now is wait and she what she does next. The counselor is correct you need to go no contact for at least 30 days. At the end of that time, you should contact an attorney and start the legal process. It usually takes some time and can be stopped if she comes out of the fog. Don't post her picture on facebook as this is a desperate cry for attention, though in a negative form. You will love her and hate her, whether you post the picture or not, it is petty and not the real you.

 

Now is a defining period for you and don't waste time doing nonproductive things. Exercise will help to relieve stress and make a healthier you. Also as you are cooking for you, look to cook healthier things as well. Hobbies are a good thing to fill your time as it makes you more interesting. Look to volunteer time to help others, this takes the focus off of you and onto someone that would appreciate the help. By doing positive things it makes you a more attractive person. This may or may not motivate her to change her mind, but it will make you more attractive to whatever the future brings.