friday3v Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 So this summer was possibly the worst of my life. My girlfriend and I are both about to be 3rd year law students and we moved to Madison, WI to live with her sister and brother in law for the summer. We are in a long distance relationship so we wanted to spend the summer together just like we did last summer, except this summer we interned in this same workplace. When we arrived in Madison at our internship, she was the only girl intern and there are were a lot of guy interns. She said that she did not want to let anyone know that we were dating because if they knew then they would treat her differently or wouldn't talk to her as much. I said that was fine. Then as time moved on, there was this one guy (who was a cball player, tall, has tattoos and is kind of a player and big partier) who started giving her a lot of attention and flirting with her a lot. They worked in cubicles right next to each other while I worked in a different section of the office. Things very, very quickly progressed between them. She then started saying that she needed space from me and her family to just be herself and alone. So she would go out with all the other guy interns and stay out till 2 or so in the morning and come back to me kinda drunk. Eventually, she started just hanging out with this one guy, going on dates with him, and staying at his apartment to watch movies, cuddle, etc, while I was left with her sister and brother in law at their house. When she would come back I would say things like "I miss you" or "I wish I was with you" and she would just start crying like crazy and want to sleep in a different room. This happened so many nights. I would ask if anything has happened between them and she would say nom they're just friends and that's just how guys interact with girls. Although, the other guys were not as nearly flirty as this one. I would go out with them and she would just flirt incessantly with him and vice versa right in front of me. They would text each other even though they sat right next to each other, and then they would leave to go somewhere else in the bar alone for a few minutes. It was like she didn't even care. She could see that I was pretty miserable most of the time and pushed that I leave to go to my home state for a week so that I could get away and be happy. All this time she is telling me that she loves me, still finds me attractive, but doesn't have that push to be intimate with me. I decided to leave and before I left she said that we should be on a break, but no sleeping with anybody else. then halfway through the week, she said we just have to be on a for real break, but that it doesn't mean no talking to each other (I found out later through snooping that she had sex with him while I was away and that it "was great. Like really great"). She had sex with him the day before I was returning to Madison, which was also the day the other guy was leaving to go to his home state for 3 weeks. I was hoping that while this guy was gone we could work on us as a couple. But instead, nothing changed. She just continued to text him like crazy the entire 3 weeks he was away. I decided to end my internship early and left a few days after he returned. She has been really sad and she knows that she has been acting crazy. She wants us to table discussion on our relationship till she leaves Madison in a few weeks and she keeps saying things like she thinks we'll be get back on track and everything is fine. The problem is I have checked out on the relationship and she can tell in our phone conversations and is starting to get mad at me lol. She is my first love, which is probably why I've held on for so long. But I want to break up with her, and need to break up with her. I just need advice on how to do this without blaming her for everything because I still love her and I know she is mentally fragile. How best can I break up with her? Should I just say I'm not ready to be in a relationship and I'm not dealing with my emotions very well? The funny thing is that she really has feelings for this guy so she'll probably be alright if I break up with her. I just want to stop thinking of them having sex and it being so great for her. oh well. I could use all the help I can get because I obviously don't know what I'm doing.
Misfortune Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Just do it. If she did that while you were in the same area, who knows what she's done before. She has someone to fall back on and keep her happy, no point in prolonging it.
unexpectedlyhere Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Go to the tabled discussion. Prepare what you will say. Explain to her why you would like to break up. Prepare what you will say if she argues is. Personally, I have never really dumped someone where I already knew I was definitely going to dump. Once it was mutual and once it was me saying "I'm unhappy with this, here are some ways to change this so that it works for me", and he chose the parting ways option. So I don't know what it's like to have the conversation when you've already decided. But, think of your options, and go in there with those.
Author friday3v Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 I just called her and broke up with her. I feel absolutely terrible because she was crying so so hard. It sounded like she was in so much pain and I feel so bad about it. She kept asking how could I just leave her like that. I feel like I made a huge mistake in not doing it in person or something, whereas before I was thinking she didn't deserve that from me because of how she acted during the summer. I just feel like a major douche and I want to call and see if she is ok.
Misfortune Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 What she did was a douche move. Maybe she really is upset at the loss of the relationship but what she did was not ok. Tell her what you told us and ask her how could she do that. Call her if you want but don't get sucked back in if in if it isn't what you want. Now that you've broken up with her this relationship has scars on her/your end which will lead to doubt if you 2 reconcile. She will always worry about you leaving her and you will worry about her cheating 1
unexpectedlyhere Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Don't call her. She doesn't deserve the mixed signals, they will just mess her up. Let it run its course. You did what was right by both of you.
cavalier99 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 You shouldnt feel guilty at all. She f*cke this other guy. Flirted with him right in your face. Came home at 2 in the morning with you waiting aroung like an idiot (sorry). She basically treated you like complete crap. Done be sorry. Be happy she is history. Talk to her in a year or so if you want. Just cut her out of your life. Just be happy your out! 1
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Remind me to NEVER hire you as a lawyer! Are you serious? You think you need a reason or way to do this? Dude, she's been F**** this other guy! Why don't you just buy him a f****g Hallmark greeting card! Enough with that crap! Be a HARDCORE Lawyer for gods sake! Drop her like a convicted fellon!!! 2
ascendotum Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 I just called her and broke up with her. I feel absolutely terrible because she was crying so so hard. It sounded like she was in so much pain and I feel so bad about it. She kept asking how could I just leave her like that. I feel like I made a huge mistake in not doing it in person or something, whereas before I was thinking she didn't deserve that from me because of how she acted during the summer. I just feel like a major douche and I want to call and see if she is ok. WTF! She was your gf and screwing some other guy and you feel bad. Don't believe that the only time she had sex with him was on the break...a break which she initiated and made no time to break her own rule about not sleeping with anyone. Don't believe for a minute those nights she spent over at this players place beforehand was just to watch movies and talk. Bollocks. This girl was taking advantage of you. You absolutely did the right thing. Sorry you got two timed by the office player on your first relationship 2
Virgil876 Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Yeah, do the no contact thing now... Need reflection time.
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