xilver Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) Hey guys I have to post this now so I don't forget how I am feeling right now. I just got back from my date. My concern is I didn't do enough. We drove 30 mins to see some bands play and had a couple beers. I opened doors, offered her drinks, complimented her. I didn't make any physical moves early on though. I touched her back but that was it. We did engage in conversation, made a lot of eye contact and got close. A few things stand out. At one point she said "okay you talk", later she said "I've been telling you my bad stories tell me yours" ( I froze and couldn't think of any on the spot), around 11:30 she said she was tired and wanted to go. We were there since 9. I finally made a move and held her hand on the way to the car. After that move she started talking a lot more during the walk. I drove her home and we were talking but it was idle type chat. I was tired and I think she was too. She is 39 I'm 37. When we got close to her house it got quiet in the car. I think I said something about her garage, anything so that it wouldn't be so awkward as we approached. She pointed out her son was home. Before she could say anything I told her I would walk her to her house and she said ok. So we walk a whole 10 steps and she takes out her keys. She turns to me to thank me, we hug and did kiss but it was only about 2 sec long and no tongue. Which I should be ok with on a first date right? Then she thanked me for taking her, told me to have a good night and drive safe. I told her goodnight and she went in. My concern is there was no mention of what next by either of us. It was a 40 min drive home and I didn't receive a text from her. This may be ok Idk I'm not used to dating. I think she probably just went to bed. I'd like to see her again. I feel like I need to have some more stuff to say though. But maybe she is already losing interest? Should I wait for her to message me? How long should I wait or should I be the one to message or call her? Did I mess this date up? I feel like I need a slap in the face or something because I may be over thinking this. Edited August 2, 2013 by xilver
InsaneTrombone Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Relax, breathe. I'd say follow up in a call or text that you had a great time, see how she responds, and ask her out again. From what you've said thus far, I don't see why she'd be disinterested, but you need to find that out by trying to schedule another date.
Author xilver Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) Thanks Trombone i was thinking to say something like that. It's after 11am now and I still haven't heard from her. I guess I should probably be the one to contact her first since I'm the guy? The past few days she had been texting me good morning by now. I'm not sure how long to wait. I also just noticed she left her sweatshirt in my car. Edited August 2, 2013 by xilver
ahalstead Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Send something witty about the sweat shirt. Tell her "hey thanks, I needed a sweat shirt encase I get cold", then mention something about the 100 degree weather. End it with thanking her for the awesome night and ask if she'd like to get out again (don't be specific).
BluEyeL Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Thanks Trombone i was thinking to say something like that. It's after 11am now and I still haven't heard from her. I guess I should probably be the one to contact her first since I'm the guy? . Sorry to be rude but: duuh! You have to ask her out again, you have to text after the date and so on. Go ahead and ask her out asap. God!! Of course!!
Author xilver Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 Sorry to be rude but: duuh! You have to ask her out again, you have to text after the date and so on. Go ahead and ask her out asap. God!! Of course!! LOL I appreciate that you are straightforward with me. Sugar coating only confuses me. It's been a while since I dated.
BluEyeL Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 It's been a while since I dated. I figured that Good luck, don't hesitate to ask for advice along the way, I think you are likely to stumble a little until you get the hang of it again! 1
aloneinaz Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 IDK, usually, a good date will have plenty of conversation that doesn't have to be forced. You can get cues or indications of her interest during the date. Does she touch you when she tells a story? Does she seem engaged in the conversation? They you wrote it was it was an average at best date. I don't you your personality or hers obviously but only you know if there was chemistry or not. Call her, don't text her and ask her out again. Then you'll know. 1
Author xilver Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 IDK, usually, a good date will have plenty of conversation that doesn't have to be forced. You can get cues or indications of her interest during the date. Does she touch you when she tells a story? Does she seem engaged in the conversation? They you wrote it was it was an average at best date. I don't you your personality or hers obviously but only you know if there was chemistry or not. Call her, don't text her and ask her out again. Then you'll know. She didn't really touch me much. She did show put out her hand to show me her fingernails but that was about the only opportunity I though she gave me to touch her. When I went to hold her hand she grabbed mine back and she kissed me. Maybe she did that to avoid an awkward situation?
Author xilver Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 Maybe I messed it up with this girl. I finally texted her around 1:30, thanked her and told her I have her shirt. I mentioned I'd like to take her out again. I don't think there was a lot of chemistry on the date but I did feel nervous and was interested in her. We had some good engaging conversation but there were also some lulls during our 4 hour date. Maybe she was nervous too. She had to take her grandson to get a root canal today, but still it is 5 now and she hasn't responded.
InsaneTrombone Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Maybe I messed it up with this girl. I finally texted her around 1:30, thanked her and told her I have her shirt. I mentioned I'd like to take her out again. I don't think there was a lot of chemistry on the date but I did feel nervous and was interested in her. We had some good engaging conversation but there were also some lulls during our 4 hour date. Maybe she was nervous too. She had to take her grandson to get a root canal today, but still it is 5 now and she hasn't responded. Don't sweat it. You did your part, at the very worst, you have a free sweater!
365daysgone Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Don't sweat it. You did your part, at the very worst, you have a free sweater! Lol. That's really funny. This made me laugh!
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 You sound very self-conscious and uncomfortable on this date, you really need to just relax and let things happen naturally...I know that's easier said than done and it does take practice but really concentrate and relaxing, you can't make things happen in the state you are in now...don't worry about making moves, witty banter or forcing a connection, that's all going to come off awkward if you got ants in your pants the whole time anyway, it'll be too thought out and the tension you'll build just waiting for the perfect moment will be obvious, maybe not about your next move but a sign of apprehension or discomfort...which in turn will make the woman uncomfortable and feel awkward. After a date like this just call her the next day or the day after that and just tell her that you'd like to see her again...the thing is though there was either chemistry or not, and If she's willing to give you another chance she'll get back to you. The ball is in her court from there, you don't throw her more balls to get a response. Do not start texting her and calling her, apologizing or try to take back something that happened on the date or what not...don't try and "fix it" because she hasn't responded and don't get all anxious and nervous she won't get back to you and that you'd like to do whatever you can to get another date...that is going to be your next reaction likely, don't let your mind play tricks on you, just go jump in a cold lake and swim around in circles until you're exhausted and can't think anymore if you have to, you've got to learn to be patient and swing at the good pitches, you'll know when it's straight down the middle. Every date or woman can't and won't be a love connection, it doesn't have to be...in the dating world you gotta let things roll off your shoulder and just keep your head up, it's hard to get adjusted for many, especially if they've been out of the game for a while or just riddled with nerves but the most important thing to remember is not to panic, you've got to relax and let the chips fall where they may...the harder you try and force it the more you're going to freak people out and come off as someone you might not even be, desperation or overly anxious behavior is not attractive in the dating world...people will back off unless they are kind, understanding or forgiving of your behavior and willing to give things a shot with you, otherwise in many cases they'll hit the NEXT button on you. But this is process of learning and adapting, don't expect too much too soon and don't put all your eggs in one basket...let it flow like a river of milk and you're just dippin in your oreo cookie once in a while....relax relax relax, don't think about the date, don't read into it, just leave it alone. If you get another chance then great, if not just roll with it...plenty of fish in the sea, there really is. 2
BluEyeL Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Most first dates don't pan out, but don't lose hope, you'll have some that will work out and once you get more experienced you'll be less nervous as well!
krz12 Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 Thanks Trombone i was thinking to say something like that. It's after 11am now and I still haven't heard from her. I guess I should probably be the one to contact her first since I'm the guy? The past few days she had been texting me good morning by now. I'm not sure how long to wait. I also just noticed she left her sweatshirt in my car. Isn't that a George Constanza move? 1
Author xilver Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 A lot of good advice here and that was nicely put Ninjainpajamas. I do feel like I am freaking out too much and have a headache now. Time to unwind.
ChatroomHero Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 I recently had a similar experience. It wasn't a bad date, just wasn't anything special almost exactly like yours. When I dropped her off she got out of the car really quick before I could make a move which seemed odd but turned and asked me out for later in the week. Later in the week she cancelled. For me it just reaffirmed that if someone is interested, you know. When she is not interested the cues are there and you can tell in your gut.
Author xilver Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 I recently had a similar experience. It wasn't a bad date, just wasn't anything special almost exactly like yours. When I dropped her off she got out of the car really quick before I could make a move which seemed odd but turned and asked me out for later in the week. Later in the week she cancelled. For me it just reaffirmed that if someone is interested, you know. When she is not interested the cues are there and you can tell in your gut. Yeah I believe trust in your gut. The girl was nice and good looking but I wouldn't rate her that high from what I knew about her and saw. So I shouldn't fret and shouldn't be willing to settle so easily either. The more I think about it, it probably wouldn't have worked out if we went on more dates anyway. She was just a bit more tuned in to that at the time than I was I think. At least I am getting out there instead of wallowing over my ex.
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