Did you have a divorce talk first, or just file for divorce?

[sadwithouthim]

My husband isn't really the type of person you can just talk reasonably with. He's extremely sensitive to criticism, and has been extremely verbally abusive to me for years. I'm afraid to get out after 18 years, but I know I can't stay in this any longer. All I can think about are all the extremely hateful abusive words he's said to me, and I can't feel any joy around him, only disgust and sadness.

 

Should I have the divorce talk? I've tried to before, saying there isn't any love, and he says he's changed and I should recognize that, and I'm not forgiving.

 

I don't want him to be angry because we have 2 kids, and I don't want it to be any harder on them than it has to be.

 

How to divorce an extremely difficult, self-centered, abusive man? Any ideas that might make it easier?

[LimeBlue]

For the most part, I feel that when I read your post here and on other pages on this site, that I am also writing them. Except I do still love my husband, but I am now doubting this will ever work. We are room mates. All is fine, except sex and connection of any sort. I have been a WS in the past, and currently am battling going NC with a very dear friend (because I now see how we would have landed up in an EA or PA). My H also has a way with words to turn things around onto me - he gaslights me all the time and is somewhat narcissist. Like you, I just have no clue anymore.

[grassisorisntgreener]

My husband isn't really the type of person you can just talk reasonably with. He's extremely sensitive to criticism, and has been extremely verbally abusive to me for years. I'm afraid to get out after 18 years, but I know I can't stay in this any longer. All I can think about are all the extremely hateful abusive words he's said to me, and I can't feel any joy around him, only disgust and sadness.

 

Should I have the divorce talk? I've tried to before, saying there isn't any love, and he says he's changed and I should recognize that, and I'm not forgiving.

 

I don't want him to be angry because we have 2 kids, and I don't want it to be any harder on them than it has to be.

 

How to divorce an extremely difficult, self-centered, abusive man? Any ideas that might make it easier?

 

I have these exact questions. I did have a talk last year with him, and he started making some changes, but really, he is the same person.

 

He is just so selfish. And we can talk civily for hours, but I know as soon as I say "I think we should separate or divorce" he is going to lose his ****. He always will ask me "how are WE doing"...and I just don't know what to say. I want to say "there is no WE anymore"..ugh.. it's sooooooo hard!!

 

It's so impossibly hard to want a divorce from someone who wants no part of it!