3 years are gone and I'm suffering

[Toremylifeaway]

4 days ago the love of my life tore me apart. I can't cope with it.

 

 

When we first met it was love at first sight. I was 16 he was 17. We both completely fell for each other and had been seeing each other for there years. In those three years we had the best time ever. We became best friends. We're so close. At one point we lived together for 9 months, got a pet cat together. Been through everything, loss, financial problems, family problems, work problems, personal problems and have always kept each other alive . A week and 5 days ago he tore everything away from me by phone callZ I begged for him not to and he said ok well we won't break up we just need some time. So I agreed. I left him to decide when to text or get in touch with me. And when he did I replied... For a week he told me that everything was going to be fine we weren't going to break up and he loves me and is still in love with me. That made me hopeful. However the next day he didn't speak to me all day then rang me at 10pm an said that he thought time apart would make him miss me. But it hasn't at all, he said I make him miserable and he's not in love with me anymore and doesn't love me. I never slept that night, at 5am I wrote a huge email telling him how much I'm going to miss him, everything ill miss, everything I appreciated, everything I regretted. He knew I sent it him but he hasn't read it to this day.

 

Adam: Its horrible. But I cant explain, I just feel we will be better off alone. Weve had amazing times and ill never ever forget any of it. Bit I just feel to much of a different person. I cant explain why. I just dont want you getting yoir hopes up because its not fair. And you say it all the time, you can do.better than me

 

Me:I can't do better you're the love of my life there's nothing better than that

 

Him: I'm sorry

 

Me: It's fine, if you're not in love with me you're not, I'm just really sorry about it and I will miss you and hope to keep in touch and see each other every so often. Please I wanna remain friends, you're still my best friend. Need to see you ad you need to pick up your tv and this phone and that . Love you . I'm sorry it's finished

 

Him:Your keeping the tv and phone dont be stupid. Im never going to be off with you...you have ment to mich to me

 

Me: I still need to see you though, for closure, can't keep the phone you're paying for it :/

 

Him: You can and yeh ill still see you

 

I then wrote a status on Facebook saying :

I've had a tough time lately and ill miss all the memories we have. 3 years is a long time, I just hope we can remain friends. Thanks for all the good times and obviously I'm sad to be saying this but I wish you all the happiness( then tagged him in it)

 

This was really hard of me to say. I didn't want to say it I just wanted to beg for him back.

 

He said "it's nice" over text...

 

Me: I'm sorry I mean what I say on that status I really do, I hope we don't fade as friends, although we're not together is like to think you'd still be there for me if I really needed you, I'm not going to rush you it would be nice to know you still care Enough to help me through some bad times x

 

Him: I need time but im not judt going to forget you. I will be there. Just need to get used to it first sory :/

 

 

That was 4 days ago. I'm dying. We haven't spoken at all. I try to take my mind off things by doing stuff but nothin works I'm always upset. I see him on Facebook and he seems happy and goes out round town and doesn't even take a second glance at what we had.

I've been trying not to seem depressed over Facebook because I think that would drive him away more.

 

I think one of the worst things about this is that we've been through so much together and it was so simple and easy for him to finish me then go out on a lash and be happy. He doesn't miss me he doesn't think about me he doesn't care. That how he's portraying himself, as if we were never together.

 

But yesterday I posted a picture on Instagram of our cat because he died and he liked it

 

I don't understand how he can miss a cat bu he can't miss me

 

I'm so confused. I'm lost. I feel empty. I don't know what my life is anymore. There's no aim. No motivation. No meaning.

 

We always planned our life together , it was onl 2 weeks ago when he was saying "when we get our own place"

 

He's my best friend. His family is my family. His he became my place where I felt peaceful.

 

And now I have nothing but a box of memories that I took for granted.

 

I love him so much. He saved me. And now I can't live. I can't live without him, is rather die than be in this pain.

 

Help me

[Mrfr]

I'm there. Right now. Exactly the same situation. People will tell you it gets better because it does, even if it doesn't seem like it. Use this forum, it's helped me so much in just a day.

 

SEE FRIENDS. It helps.

[Toremylifeaway]

I know, reading different forums is the only thing I can do, it doesn't actually tell me what I want to hear, but what I want to hear is probably impossible. It helps knowing there's others suffering too. But info still feel really alone. There's certain things that only he could help me with and now he's not mine anymore I feel all these problems coming back. If he can promise that we was going to be fine one day and change his mind the next day how am I supposed to cope with everything. He never actually gave me a reason why, he changed it everyday. So maybe it's jut me ? Maybe it's everything about me ?

 

The first day everyone jumped to my aid, now it's 4 days everyone's sick of talking to me. :/ and they think calling him names will sole my problem. No. I can't hate him. I love him. Because he does one thing doesn't make him a bad person. I can't come to terms with it. I can't come to terms with the face my life is without him now. I don't even know what I'm doing with my life anymore. There's no aim and point to it. Friends aren't helping they're making it worse... I've been going out to try take my mind off it but everything reminds me of him.

 

I feel alone

[HopelessRomantick]

if you were alone, this loveshack community forum would not exist.

 

My gf BU with me 1 year ago. I finally found the strength and common sense to say goodbye to her last night. Yes, last night.

 

And now I'm miserable all over again. Wondering if I did the right thing. I believe it is but I just want her to come back. I miss her soooo much.

 

You are not alone.

[Toremylifeaway]

I feel alone because if I was ever in this much pain over something he would be the first person to be there for me to help me. I'd never be able to go to anyone else and I feel like he would be the only one to understand because he is me and I am him. But it's all changed he is the one who took my life and happiness away and caused the pain. The only person who understands what I'm feelin is me. I can't turn to myself. I hate myself for driving him away. The fact he's not my lifeanymore makes me physically sick literally. I haven't eaten a week and 4/5 days now. And if I try I'm just sick again. He's killing my heart and literally killing me now :'(

[summerlovin]

Hi Toremylifeaway, I'm really sorry for the pain that you're going through right now. I know how you feel, I met my first love when we were both 16 and he broke up with me about 4 months ago (we're both 18 now).

 

First, you have to be able to forgive yourself. What's done is done, you can't overanalyze your actions in the relationship and blame yourself for "driving him away". From what you wrote, it sounds like the breakup has to do more with him than it does with you. Guys at this age are still figuring out who they are and what they want in life, and he probably wants to "sow his wild oats" as they say. Even though you've been together for 3 years, he is probably having doubts about being committed to the same person for the rest of his life and probably wants to see what else is out there.

 

Now the next thing you have to do is go completely NC. Delete him off FaceBook and delete his number, tell him that you need time to heal. I know that it'll be hard for you because he's your best friend, but it's really unhealthy to be friends with someone you're still in love with. Getting your heart broken is like having a huge gash, and every time you talk to your ex, you're just ripping the scab off and preventing yourself from healing. When my ex first broke up with me, just seeing a picture of him on Instagram would make my heart sink. NC is key for both healing and for getting YOURSELF back after a breakup.

 

I know it hurts really bad now, and you're allowed to grieve! Cry your eyes out, eat a tub of ice cream, watch sappy movies. Grieving is all part of the healing process. However, I promise you that it WILL get better over time. You have to work on moving on and making yourself happy though. Use this time to try new things, to take up a new hobby, to change your appearance, to conquer fears and make yourself a better person. The people who get their exes back are the ones who move on with their lives and appear happy and confident again. Nobody will come back to an ex that's a hot mess.

 

And trust me, you can live without him. If you truly believe you need your ex to live, then you have a co-dependency issue and need to work on loving yourself first. The problem with many relationships is that we lose sight of who we are because we place the relationship before ourselves. After my breakup I realized that happiness comes from within, and that you shouldn't base your happiness off something/someone that you might lose.

 

Good luck and feel better Sometimes two people need to fall apart to realize they need to fall back together. Most of the people I know in LTRs have broken up at some point and gotten back together. But you have to be strong, confident and independent for there to be any chance of that happening.

[HopelessRomantick]

Hi Toremylifeaway, I'm really sorry for the pain that you're going through right now. I know how you feel, I met my first love when we were both 16 and he broke up with me about 4 months ago (we're both 18 now).

 

First, you have to be able to forgive yourself. What's done is done, you can't overanalyze your actions in the relationship and blame yourself for "driving him away". From what you wrote, it sounds like the breakup has to do more with him than it does with you. Guys at this age are still figuring out who they are and what they want in life, and he probably wants to "sow his wild oats" as they say. Even though you've been together for 3 years, he is probably having doubts about being committed to the same person for the rest of his life and probably wants to see what else is out there.

 

Now the next thing you have to do is go completely NC. Delete him off FaceBook and delete his number, tell him that you need time to heal. I know that it'll be hard for you because he's your best friend, but it's really unhealthy to be friends with someone you're still in love with. Getting your heart broken is like having a huge gash, and every time you talk to your ex, you're just ripping the scab off and preventing yourself from healing. When my ex first broke up with me, just seeing a picture of him on Instagram would make my heart sink. NC is key for both healing and for getting YOURSELF back after a breakup.

 

I know it hurts really bad now, and you're allowed to grieve! Cry your eyes out, eat a tub of ice cream, watch sappy movies. Grieving is all part of the healing process. However, I promise you that it WILL get better over time. You have to work on moving on and making yourself happy though. Use this time to try new things, to take up a new hobby, to change your appearance, to conquer fears and make yourself a better person. The people who get their exes back are the ones who move on with their lives and appear happy and confident again. Nobody will come back to an ex that's a hot mess.

 

And trust me, you can live without him. If you truly believe you need your ex to live, then you have a co-dependency issue and need to work on loving yourself first. The problem with many relationships is that we lose sight of who we are because we place the relationship before ourselves. After my breakup I realized that happiness comes from within, and that you shouldn't base your happiness off something/someone that you might lose.

 

Good luck and feel better Sometimes two people need to fall apart to realize they need to fall back together. Most of the people I know in LTRs have broken up at some point and gotten back together. But you have to be strong, confident and independent for there to be any chance of that happening.

 

SummerLogin, Wow... you've said a lot and it makes sense in this short post. Thanks for this...

[summerlovin]

SummerLogin, Wow... you've said a lot and it makes sense in this short post. Thanks for this...

 

I'm around the same age as you so I figured I'd offer you some insight into how I'm dealing with my breakup Losing your first love is just terrible, there's really no way to describe the pain. It's literally physical pain.

 

After it first happened, I cried for weeks straight and would just mope around the house doing absolutely nothing except think about him. I couldn't eat at all, I lost weight. I wondered if it would just be easier to end it all. But then I realized that isn't how I wanted to feel. I realized that I deserve to be happy, and that I can and will be happy, with or without my ex. The world is a big, beautiful place and there millions of places I've never been to and millions of people I've never met.

 

I still think about him every day and there are lots of things that remind me of him, but I'm not sad anymore. I still have some hope that maybe some day after we both grow up, we will find each other again. But I actually feel happy and strong, and feel that maybe I needed this breakup to mature and grow as a person. Everything might look like a dark tunnel right now but you will see the light at the end, I promise you!

 

Edit: Oops, I meant I'm the same age as Toremylifeaway. I thought she was the one who replied to my post. But this can apply to you too!

Edited August 2, 2013 by summerlovin

[Toremylifeaway]

Thank you, it helps knowing that someone understands. I can't eat at all my family are getting worried...

I feel my body like deteriorating day by day, I've lost my strength, I start blacking out , my vision is getting worse, I can't concentrate. Today I went to a rugby match with lots of friends, I found myself depressed because a player looked like my ex in the face. Nothing can take my mind off it it's horrible. I've not contacted him at all since we broke up, infact he sent the last text, but I do want to be friends with him in the future. He meant to much to me to as a friend as well as a boyfriend to just forget. I realise how hard it's going to be watching him move on so soon. Infact he hasn't liked shared or posted anything on fb or ig today which makes me think he's already got a girl around his free house. He moved on quick... it makes me feel sick. And makes me wonder what if he does Change his mind after sleeping with some other girls? I would take him back straight away but I'd always think he's "dirty" and "ruined" because he had only ever had sex once before me :/ hmm

 

I understand if he wants to explore... I just don't see why he would try and blame me and hurt me because he can't man up and tell me the truth

[HopelessRomantick]

I feel your pain so deeply Toremylifeaway that it saddens me. It truly is agonizing beyond imagination.

 

I'm in similar place now. You are not alone. I think of her constantly too. I mean CONSTANTLY! I can't imagine living the rest of my life without her. But I know I must go on. I just don't know how.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this...

 

You must eat, drink, wash and sleep. Do the important things and what comes next.

[summerlovin]

Thank you, it helps knowing that someone understands. I can't eat at all my family are getting worried...

I feel my body like deteriorating day by day, I've lost my strength, I start blacking out , my vision is getting worse, I can't concentrate. Today I went to a rugby match with lots of friends, I found myself depressed because a player looked like my ex in the face. Nothing can take my mind off it it's horrible. I've not contacted him at all since we broke up, infact he sent the last text, but I do want to be friends with him in the future. He meant to much to me to as a friend as well as a boyfriend to just forget. I realise how hard it's going to be watching him move on so soon. Infact he hasn't liked shared or posted anything on fb or ig today which makes me think he's already got a girl around his free house. He moved on quick... it makes me feel sick. And makes me wonder what if he does Change his mind after sleeping with some other girls? I would take him back straight away but I'd always think he's "dirty" and "ruined" because he had only ever had sex once before me :/ hmm

 

I understand if he wants to explore... I just don't see why he would try and blame me and hurt me because he can't man up and tell me the truth

 

Don't worry, all of that is completely normal fresh out of a breakup. It's been 4 months since my breakup and if I see someone that looks even a little like my ex, my heart sinks into my chest.

 

I feel like the only way you could ever be friends with him is once you're completely over him (which will be hard, since you never really forget your first love). Because if you still have feelings for him, talking to him and seeing him is literally going to set you back to day 1 of the breakup. It's just going to leave you with more unanswered questions and leave you wanting more from him.

 

And I think that's one of the biggest problems facing couples that reconcile. In my opinion, ignorance is bliss and you shouldn't ask each other what you did with who while you were apart. Your old relationship is dead, so what they do with other people before your new relationship is pretty irrelevant. If you ever do reconcile, you just have to refrain from thinking about it and realize that in the end, they chose you. But that's a long way down the road, for now focus on healing and moving on. Stop worrying about what he's doing, and don't try to assume things about him; you don't know what he's doing and how he's feeling. There's a million other reasons as to why he hasn't posted anything on FaceBook.

Edited August 3, 2013 by summerlovin

[Toremylifeaway]

I know. I've just woken up now with the worst dream :'( he came back to me. And I was so happy and in the dream I knew it was too good to be true. Then I woke up. I feel shattered and back to square one. I woke up throwing up cause of how bad it made me feel. I'm doing everything norm except eating. and I know it's all in my mind, and because h heart is broken I feel too sick. Sometimes I feel like I just want to die, but obviously I couldn't bring myself to it, but then I think if I carry on not eating eventually, hopefully, ill become hospitalised. It's bad that I feel this but it's all I can feel..

 

I just feel sick because he's been going out with his lad friend and two girls (one of which his friend was getting into) and I need thought anything about it until he broke up with me. And now I feel so sick :'( I've been realising possible people that could have made him fall out of love with me and in love with someone else :/

 

Like he started work at halfords 2 months ago and became good friends with some girl called Rachel ( who apparently couldn't wait for me to start work there because I got a job there too so she could be my friend as well ) and he used to talk to her everyday, he got snap chat and started snap chatting her, obviously idk what , but yano I dunno.

 

Each of these girls are better than me, obviously the fact they're new and exciting and he doesn't know them completely is attractive and lures him in. But they're also slimmer , prettier and are of a similar age to him so they've basically either finished uni or are in their last year so they're ready to start their careers and get a good life started. Whereas me, I messed up my first year of college, skipped a year doing jobs, then went back to college. So I'm only just doing my second year then I'm off to uni. Maybe he's tired of waiting for my life and career to begin properly because he wants to move out so bad.

 

I don't want to tell myself we will get back together because there's more chance of us not. And I don't think he will want me back :'(

But before Adam, I was seeing this boy called brad for 9 months, I thought I loved him, it felt like love, he probably was my first love. But when he cheated on me and broke up with me (over the phone AND I've never seen him again ) then I met Adam probably about 6 weeks later and I realised that what I felt for brad was nothing compared to what I felt for Adam. It didn't even come close, the first time I saw Adam incompletely fell in love with him and he did to me, I'm his first love :/ it's horrible.

 

I mean I still can't understand. I'm not ugly at all, I'm not slim but not obese, I'm just like cuddly. I'm not vain . But I just don't understand. Everyone has always wondered why I was with him, even his mum used to say to him you're lucky to have her she's too good for you.

I've never thought that because there's nothing better than than the person you're in love with. I wouldn't have swapped him for the most beautiful man on earth. Adam was the most beautiful man to me. I love all his imperfections, I miss them so much. And I've always appreciated them and told him he's silly and i love them when he complains about them .

But now he thinks he's too good for me ?

 

I don't understand, nobody is too good for anybody whether they love them or not.

 

But I can guarantee he will never find anyone who loves him as much as I do. And it's not in an obsessive way

 

I don't get this at all...

Edited August 3, 2013 by Toremylifeaway

[Mrfr]

I feel alone because if I was ever in this much pain over something he would be the first person to be there for me to help me. I'd never be able to go to anyone else and I feel like he would be the only one to understand because he is me and I am him. But it's all changed he is the one who took my life and happiness away and caused the pain. The only person who understands what I'm feelin is me. I can't turn to myself. I hate myself for driving him away. The fact he's not my lifeanymore makes me physically sick literally. I haven't eaten a week and 4/5 days now. And if I try I'm just sick again. He's killing my heart and literally killing me now :'(

 

All this is exactly how I'm feeling

 

It's horrible.