crimsoncurrent Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Stats: 3 1/2 year relationship ended, 6 1/2 of NC, nearly 8 months since BU. Basically, the reason my ex broke it off with me (and rightly so) was due to my sex addiction. I had problems with remaining faithful, cheating on her once, cybersex, phone sex, etc. Since then, with the help of therapy, I've changed dramatically, being able to control my sexual impulses now. With such a dramatic personal change, but also knowing there's no hope to rekindle the relationship, my questions are: Has anyone ever felt guilty because of their self-improvement after a painful breakup? Not simply wishing they were their improved self before the breakup, but knowing the ex deserved the current, new-and-improved self during the relationship? Sometimes, I feel like breaking NC, telling her all that I've learned and provide another apology for my behaviors, but after 7 months, I'm sure she's moved on with her life and there really wouldn't be a point to do it. I'd appreciate any type of input, guys. Thanks.
reddragon588 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 No. If you feel that way, you might need to consider if you are making these changes for yourself, or if you are making them for her in hopes that she can see "hey look how much better I am now!". You are clearly making great strides- be proud of yourself! If she deserves "the current, new-and-improved you", then it will work out. 1
Author crimsoncurrent Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 No. If you feel that way, you might need to consider if you are making these changes for yourself, or if you are making them for her in hopes that she can see "hey look how much better I am now!". You are clearly making great strides- be proud of yourself! If she deserves "the current, new-and-improved you", then it will work out. Thanks for the response, really appreciate it. Even though I've changed radically considering my previous behaviors, because the relationship was so painful, knowing that I lost a very important person in my life for good, the changes weren't a struggle. If I was making the changes for her, I'd probably would've broken NC by contact, but no matter how much I've changed, to inform her of these changes by breaking NC would be pretty pointless. It's a resignation of hope, really.
reddragon588 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Thanks for the response, really appreciate it. Even though I've changed radically considering my previous behaviors, because the relationship was so painful, knowing that I lost a very important person in my life for good, the changes weren't a struggle. If I was making the changes for her, I'd probably would've broken NC by contact, but no matter how much I've changed, to inform her of these changes by breaking NC would be pretty pointless. It's a resignation of hope, really. That is great! It is natural to think about what-ifs and wish to change the past. Sadly we can't. Just accept the past for what it is. You can, however, change the future. Learn from your past mistakes and use that to change the future. And it sounds like that is exactly what you are doing, so be glad!
daftpunk Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Depends on how good your relationship was outside of this little problem of yours.
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