indija Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 My boyfriend posts a lot of life stuff on Facebook. What's annoying/hurtful about it is that he'll post before telling me, so basically anyone with a FB account knows more about him, and sooner, than me at any given time. I'm not talking about what he had for lunch or how cool the game was or whatever; I'm talking about deaths in the family, or that he got laid off, or that he wrecked his car. Stuff that it might be important for me to know before, let's say, his sister's manicurist. Also, he tends to post a lot of "poor me" type things that seem designed to elicit sympathy and attention from, you guessed it, female friends. It seems to me that he may feel he needs a lot of validation from outside sources. Why do some people seem to need so much validation from outside their relationships? What could cause this, and how can I help him to feel better about himself (if that's what it's about)? Also, maybe, to not feel so hurt by what feels like a small betrayal every time he runs to FB first... 1
darkmoon Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 the internet has given everybody a soap-box, we are all broadcasters now, but the female friends, well, you must not argue, but who are they? I can not remember how I got mine, but he must see that his actions are hurtful, and simply be nice to you, ask him to be 1
jphcbpa Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 hard not to take that personal, but perhaps he loves attention. i am sure you want to feel like the person he comes to first to share troubles, joys, ect. has he always been this way? have you told him how this makes you feel? perhaps all you can do is love him the way he is or not. makes me grateful that my g/f is not a big fb poster and only logs in when someone messages her or tags her (and sometimes it might take her a few days to do that). i like that our stuff is more personal to just us. in fact a friend of mine messaged me today asking if everything was okay...because I had been so quiet on fb. 1
Author indija Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Ha ha, yeah. I'm glad for you, too. I think he does need the attention, which is why I was asking if there was anything I could do or any way I could help him feel like he didn't need that so much. I guess he HAS always been this way, but I never realized how pervasive it is. Yes, I've told him how it makes me feel, but I don't think he understands or realizes how it could be perceived. His usual response is to delete the posts/comments or hide them. Like that's gonna make me feel better, lol. I DO love him just the way he is, but it causes acatual problems, like chicks thinking he's hitting on them (oh, why would she think I like her just because I said she looked hot in her picture?) or friends wondering critically why I haven't expressed condolences over a death I don't even KNOW about yet or people saying "awww, poor guy, nobody likes his barbecue, let's LOOOOVE him" when he posts a picture saying nobody loves the cook or whatever. A lot of that stuff reflects negatively on me, which kind of adds insult to injury...
darkmoon Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) You think that's drop-worthy? based on the fact that his behaviour impacts badly on you, yes, or as you say you think you can find a way to give him validation? okay, talk to him, make plans about how you will make him feel more validated and quit facebook, you are about to play shrink, I hope it all goes good, I see a saga, with him as the out-of-control one and you as his gate-keeper, not an attractive role for a girlfriend, he knowingly pushes your buttons as it is Edited August 1, 2013 by darkmoon
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