RogerWallace111 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 So, some thread or another on here inspired me to revive my OLD account. I'd created it a couple years ago, exchanged some messages with one girl, then disabled it cause I just wasn't feeling it. As tempting/promising as the whole thing was, I felt self-conscious and generally weird about it. In fact I'm on the edge of deactivating it again for the same reasons. But anyway, after sifting through probably 75-100 profiles, I found one girl who aesthetically and on paper seemed pretty up my alley. A couple key things in her profile came across as particularly cool/uncommon. So I proceed to message her, we talk back and forth for a while, her interests and general writing style impress me. So a few days back we talk on the phone... From the first word she speaks, I'm struck by the tone of slight discomfort & possibly even "bummedness" in her voice. I'm not easily brought down, plus it's in my nature to try and uplift people, so I keep things flowing and light-hearted. She laughs off and on throughout, and content-wise, the conversation was cool. She came across as smart & perceptive, but just never sounded too happy. We end the convo after probably 45 minutes, and I chalk her tone of voice up to the fact that we met online, and that girls are probably just generally guarded or feel weird under those circumstances. Over the following few days she attempts to call me, I'm busy, but we exchange texts and figure out when a good mutual window is. So we talk again. I'm expecting otherwise, but her tone is similar. I get her laughing even more, and we talk for almost an hour and a half, but her tone between laughs never really changes. But we end the conversation saying we'll be in touch to figure out a time to meet up in the next several days. Which brings me to my current state of slight confusion... I have no doubt she's interested, and I'm pretty positive that when I get her face-to-face, I can make her change her tune/attitude. But I don't know how I feel about doing that. In one small way there's a certain appeal to it- think 60s pop music, "see that lonely girl in the corner, she doesn't know how special she really is" type of sh*t. I don't mind and often enjoy cheering girls up, etc. But I need to be having a good time too. And beyond that, my main fear would be making her feel good / getting her out of her shell only to have to later tell her it's not gonna work out. Anyway, I'm gonna get together with her and see how it goes regardless. If we have a good time, but I don't see any real chemistry, that's that and I know it shouldn't make me feel guilty. I should probably start getting used to these sort of issues if I'm gonna start "playing the field" more (though it likely won't be through the web after this). Thoughts would be greatly appreciated... ? edit: Also worth noting that in all her photos this girl has a very cute, radiant smile...
Philosoraptor Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 How does she sound bummed? Could just be her voice. I have a friend that sounds bummed when he talks, but he's always cheerful. Could have also been nervousness on her end. What have you got to lose by meeting her? A couple hours of your time?
soccerrprp Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Roger, It really sounds like you're the one who's the bummer. Give this gal a chance. She may have been nervous as Philo says, besides what does that "bummer" sound like? Good luck. Have fun and get her to laugh as you have been. 2
Author RogerWallace111 Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 How does she sound bummed? Could just be her voice. I have a friend that sounds bummed when he talks, but he's always cheerful. Could have also been nervousness on her end. What have you got to lose by meeting her? A couple hours of your time? It's like a slightly worried, uneasy tone (and it's hard to describe but I'm not quite reading it as nervousness)... Just a lack of enthusiasm except for little bursts accompanying laughter. And believe me, over-enthusiasm can be grating, I don't expect much. I guess I'm just used to associating with people who have a little more pep/expressiveness in their voice. She doesn't hold back with the enthusiasm and exclamation points in her texts though so maybe it is just slight situational unease. I'm used to being face-to-face with girls where I just don't allow that to happen- I fancy myself one who can make people feel good in my presence. Meeting up with her this weekend, was never on the fence about that. I guess it's just that considering threads I've seen on here where people are saying "we talked on the phone for hours and he/she seems so cool, we really hit it off", I was finding myself questioning a lack of over-the-phone chemistry as being an unpromising start. And I don't meaning promising like seeing girlfriend potential even. I'm not necessarily looking for that. Just pleasant, fun company- which requires a certain lightness on both people's parts. Anyway, it's all good. The explanation/analysis on here makes it seem otherwise, but I really don't care about the outcome. And I'm very happy to "give her a chance". I guess it's mainly that I'd feel less pressure to please someone who struck me as more easy-going, and that I'd have less fear of potentially hurting them should it not work out.
Author RogerWallace111 Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) Roger, It really sounds like you're the one who's the bummer. Give this gal a chance. She may have been nervous as Philo says, besides what does that "bummer" sound like? Good luck. Have fun and get her to laugh as you have been. Come on... Maybe the people in my life just tend to wear their happiness on their sleeve so I've come to expect that. I mean I have my own very dark, existentially depressed side but in the end I love life & people so I let it show. And I never said she was a bummer. That would take a lot. Just that she sounded bummed out. Anyway yeah, I was always planning on getting together with her. I will see ! Edited August 2, 2013 by RogerWallace111
Author RogerWallace111 Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 P.S. I tend to be very empathetic. To a fault. Like when I read the book "the Giver" as a kid I found myself relating to it heavily.
Recommended Posts