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How did I so blatantly misinterpret a woman's signal?

Spiroman

By Spiroman
in General Relationship Discussion

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Spiroman New Member

Spiroman

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So at work one day, this woman i had my eye on gives me what I thought a blatant stare that looked like she was interested. Then a couple of days later, she sees me again and makes a point of saying hello to me in passing and smiles. Now don't get me wrong, I understand that people are friendly and all that. I have many female coworkers and many are very friendly and I don't take that to mean a single thing. This was, at least it looked like it to me - her showing interest.

 

Then I see her in town. She was sitting at at an outdoor cafe with what looked like to be her sister or something because of the resemblance. I waved at her and smiled and she gave me a big smile and waved back. Up until this point we've never spoken to each other.

 

Problem was, that I didn't see her that often at work, and when I did, she was always with colleagues. So the next day, in order to open a line of communication, I sent her a text on her phone (from the company cell phones we all have) and said it was nice to see her yesterday and I signed the text with my name and in parenthesis specified I was the guy that waved at her.

 

That was a couple of weeks ago. I got no reply and she barely acknowledges me now when I see her. So now I just ignore her. But seriously .. WTF? If she wasn't interested, I'd think she'd reply something like, "Nice to see you as well. Have a nice day" and I would have understood that to mean not to follow up. But no reply at all? I feel like such an idiot.

Dread Pirate Roberts Established Member

Dread Pirate Roberts

Posted
Posted
So at work one day, this woman i had my eye on gives me what I thought a blatant stare that looked like she was interested. Then a couple of days later, she sees me again and makes a point of saying hello to me in passing and smiles. Now don't get me wrong, I understand that people are friendly and all that. I have many female coworkers and many are very friendly and I don't take that to mean a single thing. This was, at least it looked like it to me - her showing interest.

 

Then I see her in town. She was sitting at at an outdoor cafe with what looked like to be her sister or something because of the resemblance. I waved at her and smiled and she gave me a big smile and waved back. Up until this point we've never spoken to each other.

 

Problem was, that I didn't see her that often at work, and when I did, she was always with colleagues. So the next day, in order to open a line of communication, I sent her a text on her phone (from the company cell phones we all have) and said it was nice to see her yesterday and I signed the text with my name and in parenthesis specified I was the guy that waved at her.

 

That was a couple of weeks ago. I got no reply and she barely acknowledges me now when I see her. So now I just ignore her. But seriously .. WTF? If she wasn't interested, I'd think she'd reply something like, "Nice to see you as well. Have a nice day" and I would have understood that to mean not to follow up. But no reply at all? I feel like such an idiot.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong. It would be different if you stalked her home, or snooped out her phone number without asking her. I mean, you all have permission to send each other messages right?

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Spiroman New Member

Spiroman

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I don't think you did anything wrong. It would be different if you stalked her home, or snooped out her phone number without asking her. I mean, you all have permission to send each other messages right?

That's what I would have thought .. but now I'm doubting my own judgement.

sweetkiwi Established Member

sweetkiwi

Posted
Posted

Awww you're not an idiot, she just isn't interested. No response is a rejection.

happydate Established Member

happydate

Posted
Posted
So at work one day, this woman i had my eye on gives me what I thought a blatant stare that looked like she was interested. Then a couple of days later, she sees me again and makes a point of saying hello to me in passing and smiles. Now don't get me wrong, I understand that people are friendly and all that. I have many female coworkers and many are very friendly and I don't take that to mean a single thing. This was, at least it looked like it to me - her showing interest.

 

Then I see her in town. She was sitting at at an outdoor cafe with what looked like to be her sister or something because of the resemblance. I waved at her and smiled and she gave me a big smile and waved back. Up until this point we've never spoken to each other.

 

Problem was, that I didn't see her that often at work, and when I did, she was always with colleagues. So the next day, in order to open a line of communication, I sent her a text on her phone (from the company cell phones we all have) and said it was nice to see her yesterday and I signed the text with my name and in parenthesis specified I was the guy that waved at her.

 

That was a couple of weeks ago. I got no reply and she barely acknowledges me now when I see her. So now I just ignore her. But seriously .. WTF? If she wasn't interested, I'd think she'd reply something like, "Nice to see you as well. Have a nice day" and I would have understood that to mean not to follow up. But no reply at all? I feel like such an idiot.

 

When she's sending you buying signals, you should have acted like a confident man and go and talk to her. Ask her name and take a risk buddy and have a short chit chat like I haven't seen you etc and which dept you work in. If you asked her name and she asked yours back, then there is a chance she's into you. You can always ask for a get together coffee meetup after work and talk some more.

 

Instead, all you did was just to say hi. There's just a short period of time during which a woman who is into you sends a signal that she likes to get to know you. Once you're out of that period, she figures you are not into her. So when you text her which is a rather lame approach and you made a note of who you are. Dah, she knew that already, but she thought you are too slow and dumb to reciprocate quickly! So, she's just saying I'm not dating this beta looser or some Alpha dude beat you to it faster than you. Sorry bud.

BradJacobs Established Member

BradJacobs

Posted
Posted

How did you get her cell number?

MrTurk Established Member

MrTurk

Posted
Posted
When she's sending you buying signals, you should have acted like a confident man and go and talk to her. Ask her name and take a risk buddy and have a short chit chat like I haven't seen you etc and which dept you work in. If you asked her name and she asked yours back, then there is a chance she's into you. You can always ask for a get together coffee meetup after work and talk some more.

 

Instead, all you did was just to say hi. There's just a short period of time during which a woman who is into you sends a signal that she likes to get to know you. Once you're out of that period, she figures you are not into her. So when you text her which is a rather lame approach and you made a note of who you are. Dah, she knew that already, but she thought you are too slow and dumb to reciprocate quickly! So, she's just saying I'm not dating this beta looser or some Alpha dude beat you to it faster than you. Sorry bud.

 

 

I dont always agree with the overused cliche response above. I get what he's saying....but in my expeiance....many women if they like a guy....then they still like him a few days later, or the following week. If this was out at a club or a bar...and the girl sent a signal...and the guy choked....then I agree. But if she was interested from the start...I would think she'd still be interested now. Maybe when he texted her she was like "oh crap...what do I say" and she froze like a deer in headlights.

 

Just because one side goes silent...does not prove they arent interested. There are tons of men and women that just freeze up in such situations.

tbf Established Member

tbf

Posted
Posted

If you already had your eye on her, she's probably caught you staring. Women have far better peripheral vision than men and social radar.

 

Since she saw you looking, she tried to be casually friendly in return, since you're coworkers. When you made a more intimate attempt through private correspondence, she realized you were attracted and chose to avoid any further contact through non-response.

 

Also, since you were already interested, your mind probably interpreted friendliness as interest. This isn't unusual for men.

 

What Sets Good Looking Men Apart | Sex & Gender Differences | LiveScience

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
Posted
If you already had your eye on her, she's probably caught you staring. Women have far better peripheral vision than men and social radar.

 

Since she saw you looking, she tried to be casually friendly in return, since you're coworkers. When you made a more intimate attempt through private correspondence, she realized you were attracted and chose to avoid any further contact through non-response.

 

Also, since you were already interested, your mind probably interpreted friendliness as interest. This isn't unusual for men.

 

What Sets Good Looking Men Apart | Sex & Gender Differences | LiveScience

 

According to that link, I must be one of the best looking men in the world...

  • Like 3
PJKino Established Member

PJKino

Posted
Posted
If you already had your eye on her, she's probably caught you staring. Women have far better peripheral vision than men and social radar.

 

Since she saw you looking, she tried to be casually friendly in return, since you're coworkers. When you made a more intimate attempt through private correspondence, she realized you were attracted and chose to avoid any further contact through non-response.

 

Also, since you were already interested, your mind probably interpreted friendliness as interest. This isn't unusual for men.

 

What Sets Good Looking Men Apart | Sex & Gender Differences | LiveScience

 

Thats not always true,i never assume a women is into me and usually im right..Just because a man approaches doesnt mean he thinks shes into him he just is willing to take that chance because most men have to do the approaching

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
Posted
Thats not always true,i never assume a women is into me and usually im right..Just because a man approaches doesnt mean he thinks shes into him he just is willing to take that chance because most men have to do the approaching

 

Maybe you're better looking than you think...

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted

You may not have misinterpreted a signal initially. It could be the text that turned her off.

  • Like 1
PJKino Established Member

PJKino

Posted
Posted
Maybe you're better looking than you think...

 

In 33 years ive never been approached or even smiled at or giving any signal that can even be misinterepreted as slight interest.. and when i do approach im only greeted by disgust or apathy chances are slim on that..

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted (edited)
So at work one day, this woman i had my eye on gives me what I thought a blatant stare that looked like she was interested. Then a couple of days later, she sees me again and makes a point of saying hello to me in passing and smiles. Now don't get me wrong, I understand that people are friendly and all that. I have many female coworkers and many are very friendly and I don't take that to mean a single thing. This was, at least it looked like it to me - her showing interest.

 

Then I see her in town. She was sitting at at an outdoor cafe with what looked like to be her sister or something because of the resemblance. I waved at her and smiled and she gave me a big smile and waved back. Up until this point we've never spoken to each other.

 

Problem was, that I didn't see her that often at work, and when I did, she was always with colleagues. So the next day, in order to open a line of communication, I sent her a text on her phone (from the company cell phones we all have) and said it was nice to see her yesterday and I signed the text with my name and in parenthesis specified I was the guy that waved at her.

 

That was a couple of weeks ago. I got no reply and she barely acknowledges me now when I see her. So now I just ignore her. But seriously .. WTF? If she wasn't interested, I'd think she'd reply something like, "Nice to see you as well. Have a nice day" and I would have understood that to mean not to follow up. But no reply at all? I feel like such an idiot.

 

Truthfully, I wouldn't have texted that to someone who didn't personally give me their number and whom I admittedly don't know well. It may come off creeperish to get her number from the company directory and text her just to say that.It would probably have been better to simply say it casually when you next saw her at work....

 

But it's not the end of the world. Next time, just don't do the texting thing. Although if I was really into a guy, I'd be flattered if he reached out and texted me, if I'm not that into him, it might be weird...so that probably explains that..we give more leeway to those we already like and judge those we don't a little more harshly, so she probably wasn't feeling you as much as you thought, and was just friendly. It happens.

Edited by MissBee
happydate Established Member

happydate

Posted
Posted (edited)
I dont always agree with the overused cliche response above. I get what he's saying....but in my expeiance....many women if they like a guy....then they still like him a few days later, or the following week. If this was out at a club or a bar...and the girl sent a signal...and the guy choked....then I agree. But if she was interested from the start...I would think she'd still be interested now. Maybe when he texted her she was like "oh crap...what do I say" and she froze like a deer in headlights.

 

Just because one side goes silent...does not prove they arent interested. There are tons of men and women that just freeze up in such situations.

 

I don't play a guessing game here. Women are good at playing flirty games with men, so if they want to know me, I just go for it. The reason he didn't go for it is because, he's playing it safe so he doesn't get a flat out rejection. That's a beta attitude. What's the big deal being rejected by a woman anyhow?!?

 

I assume that the phone number he got to text her was from him approaching her and getting her number. Where else?!? If he got it from her work directory, now that's creepy and stalker like!

 

But then many women will simply give out their numbers just to get rid of you anyhow if they don't like you but too insecure to get rid of you. You text and call and either you don't get a response or you get an endless stream of voicemail.

 

Lastly, when he texted he didn't need to mention it's from him! Why should he? Test her. It's true that if a woman likes a man, she'll always remember you either by first name and feature, which means all you have to do is test her memory. If she doesn't clue in or has no response; guess what she's not into him.

Edited by happydate
Lansing Established Member

Lansing

Posted
Posted

Happydate : He basically mentioned in the first post that he got the number through some kind of work related directory or whatever not by asking her for it.

 

I have done stuff like this in the past because otherwise I had no way of ever seeing the girl again. One time I met a girl in a line for a film and I ran into her TWO times after within an hour after the film and I chickened out asking for her number. The next day I regretted it but I found some contact info by taking information she mentioned to me and using google. I contacted her and sure enough no response but at the same time it let me move on and not think "what if". It was probably a creepy thing in retrospect but if she was at all interested she might be flatered by it (find line between creepy and flattering if someone really is interested).

 

Next time you should just talk to the girl in person and make efforts to talk to her more.

 

There is this other girl that I keep running into at different events/etc. It is a running joke now where we see each other. We know each others names but because of circumstances we haven't had a chance to talk much besides "hi" and "byes". I know I could probably do something creepy and dig up her info but I am just going with the flow and having fun running into her and eventually I will have a chance to talk to her and I think that tension will be built up over time which could actually be a good thing. Even if it doesn't work out I am sure I will keep seeing her around and there is another friendly face in the crowds.

happydate Established Member

happydate

Posted
Posted (edited)
Happydate : He basically mentioned in the first post that he got the number through some kind of work related directory or whatever not by asking her for it.

 

I have done stuff like this in the past because otherwise I had no way of ever seeing the girl again. One time I met a girl in a line for a film and I ran into her TWO times after within an hour after the film and I chickened out asking for her number. The next day I regretted it but I found some contact info by taking information she mentioned to me and using google. I contacted her and sure enough no response but at the same time it let me move on and not think "what if". It was probably a creepy thing in retrospect but if she was at all interested she might be flatered by it (find line between creepy and flattering if someone really is interested).

 

Next time you should just talk to the girl in person and make efforts to talk to her more.

 

There is this other girl that I keep running into at different events/etc. It is a running joke now where we see each other. We know each others names but because of circumstances we haven't had a chance to talk much besides "hi" and "byes". I know I could probably do something creepy and dig up her info but I am just going with the flow and having fun running into her and eventually I will have a chance to talk to her and I think that tension will be built up over time which could actually be a good thing. Even if it doesn't work out I am sure I will keep seeing her around and there is another friendly face in the crowds.

 

Yes, it is truly creepy if you get a woman's number from other means other than from herself. You could be branded as a stalker. Some women are naturally flirty and sensitive, so you need to find out if it's her natural state to be nice to everyone or whether she's into you. You can't find this out other than by "talking" to her. And yet you don't want to sound like you're so desperate for a woman that you haven't got laid for months or years either :lmao: If you want to date a woman, ask her for her phone number afterwards. Asking later on meant you're labelled Beta irregardless of how you try to fix it. You just can't and I've experienced them all too often once they know you're the weaker side.

 

Women tend to have better developed sixth sense than we men do, so they can pretty much download rough info off you men during 90 seconds to 5 mins

of the face to face meeting/first date. Basically, they are good at sizing you up! Most of the time, that translates to her wanting and eventually ending up sleeping with you. If that's the case, it depends on how the man approach and ultimately presents himself to get her to be with the man. Women tend to want to have a relationship with a man who presents himself with confidence, lead, safe and secure Alpha males. That's the way women are biologically wired. It's their primal instinct. You can make ten million excuses why beta males are equally eligible to date those women, but if you're slow, playing safe and unwilling to write off multiple rejections, you will be her seconds, while the Alpha male will be her first.

 

You made it so arrogantly sounded that she's going to remember you just because she liked you and you guys had a conversation. Nope, because you're not the only one hitting on her or she hits on anyhow. The next man she meets and he reciprocate by confidently asking her number and impressing her will most likely be the man that's going to sleep with her. That's the way it is, so while you may have wet dreams with her, she could probably be having wet sex with some one else! :cool:

 

Lastly, you can not build up a connection with her without going out on an actual 1 on 1 date. Not a group outing and not an office saying hi and making general convo either. You NEED a one to one meeting with her over coffee and then gradually to dinners and dancing etc to find out how she ticks and she finding you out. But I see most guys (I used to be like that many moons ago) playing it safe by talking over a water cooler and saying hi without actually taking the next step and ask her out! Expecting of course that by overtime, the tension built will get her to ask you out so you won't have to face the rejection card. Unless she is really really into you and just want to have sex, the majority of women always expect the men to ask them out. If you wait to play it safe, all you did is to hasten your chances to be with her cause she thinks you're a coward. Women don't want to sleep with cowards let alone beta males. They want confident men who can scoff off mistakes as though they are nothing to him. Are you that man?

Edited by happydate
strongnrelaxed Established Member

strongnrelaxed

Posted
Posted

I suspect that either:

 

a) she is just not that into you - at least in the way you'd like her to be; or

 

b) she saw your text as a hesitant approach. She might expect her suitors to be easy going, but bold enough to make a move.

 

It seems that if you are to have any chance with her, the only option is to act as if all is well. Just be friendly with her and have a good life with or without her. If she is attracted things will happen naturally.

 

Good relationships, I think, should feel easy and comfortable. If it starts off like this, you are going to have a bad time.

iKING Established Member

iKING

Posted
Posted

I feel as though unfortunately, her friendliness was misinterpreted.

 

Some people do it naturally, I've been told I was flirty when I really had no intent or desire to be.

 

I have to agree with Kiwi on this.

 

Awww you're not an idiot, she just isn't interested. No response is a rejection.
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