compulsivedancer Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Having a difficult day. H texted me for about an hour today at work about the A. I just need some positive words, some hope, a light at the end if the tunnel. Please use this thread to post some hope, whether it's a long-term story of R, or just a happy moment, post dday. Post-DDay reponses only, please. Please, no negative posts in this thread. Only hope and encouragement. (If you need to post something negative, I'll happily take a beating in one of my other threads.)
seren Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 CD, 6 years on from D Day. Had someone told me we would be as happy as we are, have improved our relationship because of the work we did together to fix what had, over our long, long marriage, been overlooked, I would not have believed it. I never thought I could or would forgive infidelity, never thought H would be labelled a WS, but then it does and it feels like someone has pulled the rug and the floor beneath out from under your feet. At some point there is a shift, a feeling that looking backwards and all the why's in the world aren't as important as the here and now and tomorrow and that is when you know a corner has been turned. H and I changed our whole lifestyle, we are cash poor but happy rich. Life is more difficult but we get to spend lots more time together. I have stopped being a fixer and he has stopped being a conflict avoider, we had drifted into these roles, but now we have balance and it is damned good. Texts and talks not face to face aren't a good thing, long drawn out talks get tiresome and often end up angry. I would advise managing where and when you talk about the A and I hope that the looking forward stage happens very soon for you. Take care xx 5
HopingAgain Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I know your morale is probably pretty low right now, talking about the affair is draining for both the WS and BS. BUT, I think it's great that you 2 are at a point where you can discuss this and that he is wanting to talk about it with you. It would be worrisome if he DIDN'T want to talk about it and was stonewalling you. I encourage you both to continue to discuss your feelings and describe them fully to eachother, it will hep you to have a better and increased understanding. Good luck to you both! 5
HopingAgain Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Oh, and we are 6 months past Dday. We are growing closer, sharing more (even through disagreements) and we are starting to appreciate one another again especially romantically! So, there is hope! 4
Moper Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Having a difficult day. H texted me for about an hour today at work about the A. I just need some positive words, some hope, a light at the end if the tunnel. Please use this thread to post some hope, whether it's a long-term story of R, or just a happy moment, post dday. Post-DDay reponses only, please. Please, no negative posts in this thread. Only hope and encouragement. (If you need to post something negative, I'll happily take a beating in one of my other threads.) I've lost 35 lbs!!! 6
scatterd Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Time heals us all one day you will wake up and feel no more pain from this. Sending hope and more happiness your way. Big Hugs 3
BetrayedH Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 When you're at the bottom, there's nowhere to go but up. Keep your chin up, CD. To a real extent, your willingness and ability to withstand these moments speaks volumes to your H about your commitment to him for the long-term. You're showing him true remorse, which is EXACTLY what you need to be doing to restore your M. Stay strong and find hope in the difficult times. 2
Author compulsivedancer Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 I've lost 35 lbs!!! Lol! Thanks. Sometimes it's about the silver lining...
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 My parents just celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary. They are so close it's (almost) sickening... My Dad had an affair a few years in to their marriage. They worked at it. It was hard. But honestly...she mentioned it once to me like a bad haircut she once had... Like ... I should NEVER do a perm again! Each day like today gets you closer to your perm growing out. (Mom hugs) 7
anne1707 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 5 years post dday of my affair. We have just had a lovely evening enjoying the good weather (a rare thing in the UK ) and sitting outside all evening. We are looking forward to a holiday together in a few weeks and all in all feeling very loved up :love: 3
HopingAgain Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 My parents just celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary. They are so close it's (almost) sickening... My Dad had an affair a few years in to their marriage. They worked at it. It was hard. But honestly...she mentioned it once to me like a bad haircut she once had... Like ... I should NEVER do a perm again! Each day like today gets you closer to your perm growing out. (Mom hugs) I really love this! THIS is what all reconciling couples hopefully are shooting for! 6
Bittersweetie Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) Hi compulsive, We are over 3.5 years past d-day. We have an 11-month old baby and I feel so lucky to have him and my H in my life. I swear sometimes I must be the luckiest girl in the world. (Of course that's when my baby isn't on my last nerve!) PS Is that a hula dancer in your avatar? I danced for a few years! I miss it very much. PPS I just realized that it could be belly dancing too, which I've also tried but did not go as well. Tripped and ended up on the floor in front of the whole class. :0 Edited August 2, 2013 by Bittersweetie
road Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Having a difficult day. H texted me for about an hour today at work about the A. I just need some positive words, some hope, a light at the end if the tunnel. Please use this thread to post some hope, whether it's a long-term story of R, or just a happy moment, post dday. Post-DDay reponses only, please. Please, no negative posts in this thread. Only hope and encouragement. (If you need to post something negative, I'll happily take a beating in one of my other threads.) Recovery takes two to five years. Changes are so slow that they will not be noticed on a day to day basis. To ensure recovery do not trickle truth your BH. Every time a new truth comes out it sets the recovery clock back to zero. Waste of a year recovering because you trickle truth or lied to do damage control. You need to earn trust back. It takes time. First step is to send a cold business like NC letter to your OM. Telling OM you regret the affair. The pain you caused your BH. That you want NC from this point out with the OM. Show the letter to your BH for his approval and have your BH mail it. Expose the affair to the OMW. Get new cell number and email. Block the OM. Every time the OM tries to break NC tell your BH. Share all your pass words with you BH. Same with your cell.
Spark1111 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 It was the times I felt SAFEST with my fWS....a good night, a good morning, a Sunday afternoon...that I too would barrage him with affair questions. He felt blindsided, BUT I was feeling loved and SAFE enough to broach the topic. Safe is the operative word here. handle it carefully please, if you are serious about helping him heal. The more he heals, the better you will feel about your future with him. You will begin to feel safer also. Hope that helps. 1
Author compulsivedancer Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 Thanks, guys! I got on here yesterday, and all of the posts at the top of the page seemed to be full of despair, mostly newly-discovered affairs and marriages at the end of the ropes. It's nice to have a little hope and reassurance sometimes.
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