babydoll88 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 My bf has recently started hanging out with his cousins more. We have been together for 2 years and we used to do everything everythingggggg together. Pretty much see eachother every day etc. He wouldn't really hang out with his cousins much before this summer. He says I am too needy and clingy and he needs guy time. He still loves me and we have a good time together but it is limited to Fri nights and the whole weekends now. There is an issue tho. During the week he goes to car meets with his cousins. Now the guys prob know this but it's a meet with hundreds of cars and their owners. He says it's mostly guys and if at all one or two women who are the gfs. The funny thing is he and I connected in the first place because of our mutual love for cars. During the year we go to the auto shows together. So when I asked to go to the car meets he is adamantly refusing. He says it's guy time and his time to be with his cousins. He says the cops show up during races and sometimes you have to run. He doesn't want anything to happen to me. I think that's BS. I don't really understand why I can't go to one meet?? I even said, hey why don't we go when your cousins don't go so he and I could experience it alone. He said he would think about it. But that's generally a no. I really don't see what the big deal is. Unless there are other women there and he just wants to appear single and flirt with them. I highly doubt this is the case because he is faithful and I trust he only has eyes for me. Like I mentioned before, he made an agreement with me that Fri nights and the weekends were mine. Well this Fri he doesn't want to come over because he wants to go to the races. He said he spends every Fri with me, why can't he have this Fri to himself and his cousins and he will see me Saturday? What do you think??
Philosoraptor Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Sounds like he has set a boundry and you need to decide whether or not you can live with it. After 2 years of doing "everythingggggg" together, it's not abnormal at all for him to want to regain a bit more of his identity and independence. As long as there aren't any other major issues in the relationship, I'd just let him have his guy time and maybe go out with your girlfriends when he is out with his cousins. 1
Author babydoll88 Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Well a few weeks back we had a hugeee fight. I was being really needy and clingy and demanding to see him when he was already out with his cousins. I wanted to tag along and I would call him like 5-10 times a day. Things have changed dramatically since then for me. I have put the brakes on and backed off almost completely with the texting and calling. That helped a lot and even he would start initiating texting and stuff more on his own. But during the blowout I guess his cousins heard everytjing and were laughing at me. I'm sure he felt embarrassed. I know I was and still am! I don't feel like meeting them again. I guess tomm was supposed to be my night with him and it's a Fri night. So I am scared to be alone. I have only been here 2 years and still not made a whole lot of friends. It's hard. I have 2 guy friends lol and no girl friends. I guess it's just that needs some breathing room now. And to be honest maybe I do too! When we were together 24/7 we would argue more etc becsuse we would do literally everything together from meals to laundry to etc. And at that point he would never hang out with his cousins. He was too busy with school and me. Maybe he fears that's what will happen come Sept when classes start again. Cause I asked him this morning, why have you suddenly begun hanging out with your cousins, you never used to. And he said, well that's cause we used to hang out 24/7 and I need to keep things in good with them too, they are my family.
Keenly Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 It sounds to me like this guy hasn't had any freedom in a long, long time. I think its safe to say that guys need adequate time with just their friends in order to maintain happiness. Adequate is also decided by the man. Just try letting the man breathe a little bit. He will come to you when he is ready. 1
Author babydoll88 Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Lol I live in Cali Miss Priss. They crack down on these races. Yea he has been a little tight on his free time. Between classes, work at home on his house and spending time with me he never really was at home muchbin the last year. He used to stay over a lot. I understand he needs his space. I mean I guess I do too right? But agreeing to spend Fri night, AND the whole weekend together every week ... well that's a bit of a commitment. Isn't it? I don't mind him going out tomm but I need adequate notice and I also wish he would understand how I felt. That im scared to be alone on a Fri night. I don't have any family here, i dont have manu friends. Moving to a new city on your own, even if it has been 2 years is hard as hell. I told him this and he agreed that he shd have told me earlier not the day before and said it in a nicer way. I know men need their space and I shd take mine. But how do I erase this feeling that he's replacing me with his cousins? Cousins whom he would prev never really hang out with. I just feel it's his way of avoiding me.
mrs rubble Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I think you should use your time apart from him as an opportunity to find some independent friends. Join a club and meet some new people.
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