lissa90 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 in the early stages i have a habit of completely over analyzing the situation and ruining it. It drives me crazy that i cant just relax and go with the flow. i met a guy ive been talking with online last night and it went great and we kissed mannyy times at the end. We have also arranged to go out for drinks tomorrow. but now in stuck in my head worrying that he doesn't like me as much as i like him or that his messages aren't affectionate enough when i know they are no different then they were before. how do i relax? I could casually date others if i wanted to, but i don't as i cant get interested in multiple people and i don't want to lead anyone on. any tips?
Leegh Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Try to take a day at a time, and try not to analyze things too much. I have analyzed emails, etc. from guys, and I could never fully figure them out, and it is especially hard with emails, texts, etc. because you cannot hear the tone of their voice, and it is hard to get a feel of what they are saying.
Treasa Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Don't think about the outcome. What is the worst thing that could happen? You two might not work out? That isn't the end of the world. He's not some God, he's just a regular dude, like the other 3.5 billion of them out there. Reflect on what it means if he doesn't like you. Does it mean you're not likable or lovable? Try and distill it down to your basic fear, and then address that. 6
jphcbpa Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Just live in the now and enjoy each moment. Do not project, assume or take things personal. Continue to love on yourself. Take care of you. Just be!!! 1
Pisces13 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I'm terrible at doing this myself, I've been doing it with the girl I've been seeing over the last month. It's almost feels like I'm preparing myself for rejection/failure, rather than just taking each day as it comes and enjoying our time together. I just over analyze everything with her, why are her texts shorter? Why is she taking so long to reply? Why isn't she being more affectionate with me? etc. I feel like I've been quite reserved around her for that reason, and I feel like I'm ruining something good. I was dumped by my last girlfriend 6 months ago though, so I think my fears stem from that.
Greatshoes13 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I do the exact same thing, and worry that through my neurosis I'll slowly push my SO away
Story Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 It's hard to relax, but know that what's meant to be will be.
PCS991 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 in the early stages i have a habit of completely over analyzing the situation and ruining it. It drives me crazy that i cant just relax and go with the flow. i met a guy ive been talking with online last night and it went great and we kissed mannyy times at the end. We have also arranged to go out for drinks tomorrow. but now in stuck in my head worrying that he doesn't like me as much as i like him or that his messages aren't affectionate enough when i know they are no different then they were before. how do i relax? I could casually date others if i wanted to, but i don't as i cant get interested in multiple people and i don't want to lead anyone on. any tips? Lissa, I'm experiencing the same feelings exactly. For me I've been dating a girl 3000 miles away and all seems good but naturally it's going very slow only due to the distance. Because of this, when I don't hear from her for a few days I start over analyzing...wondering where she is?, what is she doing?, why hasn't she called me?...It's killing me, it really is. I know if we lived near each other I wouldn't be posting this message.
PCS991 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Try to take a day at a time, and try not to analyze things too much. I have analyzed emails, etc. from guys, and I could never fully figure them out, and it is especially hard with emails, texts, etc. because you cannot hear the tone of their voice, and it is hard to get a feel of what they are saying. I completely understand what you mean....and I'm a guy. Texts and emails SUCK!!
PCS991 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I'm terrible at doing this myself, I've been doing it with the girl I've been seeing over the last month. It's almost feels like I'm preparing myself for rejection/failure, rather than just taking each day as it comes and enjoying our time together. I just over analyze everything with her, why are her texts shorter? Why is she taking so long to reply? Why isn't she being more affectionate with me? etc. I feel like I've been quite reserved around her for that reason, and I feel like I'm ruining something good. I was dumped by my last girlfriend 6 months ago though, so I think my fears stem from that. and I completely agree with what you have said too... very true. I do the exact same thing...Why?
Drseussgrrl Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I've caught myself doing this over the past month with my new dude. He texted constantly the first two weeks, and it's slowly died down after we became exclusive and I felt he didn't have to try as much. After the first few days of this I honestly thought he was going to dump me. He was still making the same effort to see me, though, and still just as affectionate when we were together. One night at dinner after a bottle of wine I told him of my fears about his losing interest and he was completely shocked. He then told me that he cared for me a great deal and would never just fade from my life like that. Since then I've had to reign in my insecurities and just go with the flow, and it has served me well. I think when we put a very anxious and insecure vibe out there a lot of times it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I've simply continued to allow him the space and freedom to come my way and pursue me, and he does. He's attracted to the calm and confident me. Treasa is right. He's just another dude I was fine without before, and I'd be fine without again should things not work out. 3
Drseussgrrl Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I will add, however, that he was quick to call me his girlfriend and lock in exclusivity, unlike the other dudes I've dated over the past year and that has been key in my being able to relax. I needed that.
PCS991 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I will add, however, that he was quick to call me his girlfriend and lock in exclusivity, unlike the other dudes I've dated over the past year and that has been key in my being able to relax. I needed that. I haven't been called her "boyfriend" (at least that I know of) yet but she has told me often that she really misses me and wants to "nurture" what we have and keep it moving in the right direction. In the end...Who knows?? If it works it works. Right now I'm not calling or texting her as she has a crazy busy week and I also don't want to overwhelm her...when she is ready, she's ready.
myothernic2 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I've caught myself doing this over the past month with my new dude. He texted constantly the first two weeks, and it's slowly died down after we became exclusive and I felt he didn't have to try as much. After the first few days of this I honestly thought he was going to dump me. He was still making the same effort to see me, though, and still just as affectionate when we were together. One night at dinner after a bottle of wine I told him of my fears about his losing interest and he was completely shocked. He then told me that he cared for me a great deal and would never just fade from my life like that. Since then I've had to reign in my insecurities and just go with the flow, and it has served me well. I think when we put a very anxious and insecure vibe out there a lot of times it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I've simply continued to allow him the space and freedom to come my way and pursue me, and he does. He's attracted to the calm and confident me. Treasa is right. He's just another dude I was fine without before, and I'd be fine without again should things not work out. I know a 100% what you mean. You're not alone. 1
Francop Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Don't think about the outcome. What is the worst thing that could happen? You two might not work out? That isn't the end of the world. He's not some God, he's just a regular dude, like the other 3.5 billion of them out there. Reflect on what it means if he doesn't like you. Does it mean you're not likable or lovable? Try and distill it down to your basic fear, and then address that. Im with treasa! Im in the same situation! The feeling sucks! Im just going to tell this person if she feels something for me asweell! I just wanna know! if not MOVE ON.... i guess.....
pcplod Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 in the early stages i have a habit of completely over analyzing the situation and ruining it. It drives me crazy that i cant just relax and go with the flow. i met a guy ive been talking with online last night and it went great and we kissed mannyy times at the end. We have also arranged to go out for drinks tomorrow. but now in stuck in my head worrying that he doesn't like me as much as i like him or that his messages aren't affectionate enough when i know they are no different then they were before. how do i relax? I could casually date others if i wanted to, but i don't as i cant get interested in multiple people and i don't want to lead anyone on. any tips? You are simply investing too much of yourself emotionally in the situation. A do or die sort of thing. You already know this, but simply can't stop yourself. There is no simple answer to this because you are behaving instinctively. You simply have to keep bringing yourself back from the brink that you project for the future in your mind for yourself. As someone else says, try to impose a need to live more in the here-and-now. You can only move forward by entertaining the possibility of failure and that is not always down to you, others have a say in matters too. Accept it for what it is, what it may turn out to be. You can only do what you can do. You cannot entirely prevent something from going belly-up. Just try to enjoy it for what it is, now. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I used to be like this. I am not sure what changed. Perhaps the realization that not having a boyfriend is not the end of the world and that I don't have a strong desire to get married. My thinking has somehow switched from "does he like me?" to "do I like him?". After a date I do have it in the back of my mind but I am pretty relaxed about it Que sera sera... 1
Infinity0 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 in the early stages i have a habit of completely over analyzing the situation and ruining it. It drives me crazy that i cant just relax and go with the flow. i met a guy ive been talking with online last night and it went great and we kissed mannyy times at the end. We have also arranged to go out for drinks tomorrow. but now in stuck in my head worrying that he doesn't like me as much as i like him or that his messages aren't affectionate enough when i know they are no different then they were before. how do i relax? I could casually date others if i wanted to, but i don't as i cant get interested in multiple people and i don't want to lead anyone on. any tips? Just think of yourself as the superior one. It will help u relax:bunny:
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