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Do not know where to turn

misty514

By misty514
in Separation and Divorce

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misty514 Member

misty514

Posted
Posted

Hello everyone,

I am in need of some advice. My fiance and I have been together 4 yrs and planning on marriage next year. We just relocated to a new place where he had a opportunity to make substantial money with a new job. I have left my position to pursue my Master's Degree while looking for something part time to help with the household finances.

 

Here is my problem, since we have moved things have changed, he is hangin out with a bunch of guys, who he knows for a long time, unfortunately these guys have not grown up and are eternal children, treat their spouses/girlfriends lousy, drinking all the time and everyday is a party mentallity. Now, my fiance was an ex addict so this type of behavior is not really helping the matter. We have been arguing alot and he has said some very hurtful things to the tune of get a job, stop dreaming about finishing school, we need money, you think your better than everybody etc, all said under the influence either alcohol or drugs, and this has been happening the last 2 months.

When we first got together he was separated from his ex for 3 years, he was very angry at her and used to physically abuse her, he is also very mad at his mother so I think he has an issue with woman period, but this is only coming to light now. He never used to treat me or say things like this before, then the other night we got into a huge fight & I left for a walk, he said come pick up your stuff and get out, but that is not easy as I left my apt and have no family or friends close by so I really have no where to go. Well needless to say I am not a whimp and I fight back so the fight dragged on into the night, he kept calling me B***CH AND C***, words he has never used before with me, so I pushed him, then he leaped up and started to choke me so I punched him in the face twice. For 2 days we did not speak & he told me to leave, which I didnt...he told his boss what happened & his boss said, what are you doing, you need help. Well of course after a couple of beers he broke down and apologized. Not sure what to do, I do love this man and this behavior is completely not like him. He knows I have no where to go and I am not sure as to why he is acting this way now...please advise

revitup Established Member

revitup

Posted
Posted

Leave.....

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misty514 Member

misty514

Posted
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Posted

That my friend is harder than you think, no job at the moment, no cash saved because we spent it on the move, and no family, so what can I do, wait till I get some income and squirrel some away, my only option right now, sad but true, oh and did I mention that his 6 yr old son and myself are very close, he is here for 2wks now & my fiance is trying to get custody, I am so confused

revitup Established Member

revitup

Posted
Posted

Misty,I understand your fears.You are afraid and that is understandable.

 

Here is your future if you stay...You also will be beaten and discarded.You will be the "rescuer" that I became in my 18 year relationship.You lose no matter how hard you try.He will never change although you do everything you can to be the perfect wife.

 

Now,as to your finances,you need to reach to strangers (social services) or any other organization you can.

 

Move away as fast as you can from this situation.He will only get worse after the marriage.

 

You are about to get the Masters Degree that you have worked so hard to obtain.Saying no to this loser is actually saying YES to a real life.

 

Get the heck out today.Broke is temporary.You will make it financially quicker than you think.

 

If you were here I would give you a hug and a good "talkin' to".

 

REVITUP

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Yasuandio Established Member

Yasuandio

Posted
Posted (edited)

If u have half a brain, your relationship with this fiancé (and his son) is now over. Pack your bag and go to a woman's shelter. Or, get on a Greyhound bus and go to a family member's home for help.

 

If you are connected with the college or university - go to the councilors or your advisor, tell the complete truth, and request emergency assistance. You may qualify for a dorm or temporary housing, or a campus job. At a school - there is always help for victims of assault.

 

You must also go to the police - which, many woman fail to do. Then when they really get banged up - there is no record, and the guy gets off. Be smart - go to the police. This guy is capable of killing. You better get real about that fact. And you also better stop standing up to him (he probably perceives that as "getting in his face" when he's drunk) that will only make things escalate.

 

The man put his hands on your throat, coking you, and you are concerned about his mama issues. You better wake up before you become a statistic (that means dead).

 

I hope you take this advice seriously. You now know what he is. He has kept it hidden for a long time - but the alcohol always speaks the truth. Words are air. His words of apology are empty air. And your words trying to find reasons to explain his sudden outrageous violent behavior, your words are air too, empty air. There are no words to explain a man that puts his hands on your throat. There are no words to apologize and make it ok. It has to be over.

 

Unless you want a life like this. The longer you are in it, the deeper you will be in, until he mentally destroys you, or further injures or kills you, or you drown yourself.

 

Look at yourself right now at this moment. Helpless. And you are not even married yet. Is this what you want to be?

 

Wake up, now, stop being helpless, stop the excuses, get moving, and lose this loser. Good luck, honey. Yas

Edited by Yasuandio
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misty514 Member

misty514

Posted
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Thank you so much guys, you give tough love, just have never been in this situation and never ever thought this could happen, just never expected it...I am getting things organized and then I am leaving, cant have this happening to me.

 

Thank you

Yasuandio Established Member

Yasuandio

Posted
Posted

Good girl, SMART GIRL. Keep us posted. We are here for you. Yas

hayewils Established Member

hayewils

Posted
Posted
Thank you so much guys, you give tough love, just have never been in this situation and never ever thought this could happen, just never expected it...I am getting things organized and then I am leaving, cant have this happening to me.

 

Thank you

 

it is a tough situation when it comes time to leave. however,

Drastic times call for drastic measures

you will make it and you will find that out for yourself. soon..

GuyInLimbo Established Member

GuyInLimbo

Posted
Posted
he was very angry at her and used to physically abuse her

 

You need an answer to your questions?? Get the f*** out NOW. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. You will regret it. He's already been physically violent with you. you need to get away from him for good. Period.

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