She needs her space

August 1, 2013

Ok so I've been talking to this girl for almost 3 months, the first time we kicked it we kissed and had sex, and ever since then acted like a couple and kept hanging out hanging out and now all of a sudden she decides "she needs" her space" I'm all good with that and respect that decision because shes going to nursing school and graduating in November. But now I can't stop thinking about her, in trying to stay busy, but it seems as if I've fallen real hard for her and now I deleted her number so I wouldn't be tempted to text or call her and told her to text or call me whenever. I'm worried as heck I don't wanna lose her but now I feel exactly how I did before I met her, extra ****ty!

I want a girls perspective on moving too fast and her needing a break, will she come through, or should I just give up, forget about her, on to the next one . She said she still likes me, but just needs her space so today's the first day where I'm not texting or calling her and It sucks in trying to stay busy but what else can I do ?

August 1, 2013

I'm not a girl, but I did learn that when a girl asks for space, give it to her. The more you push, the further away she'll go.

She asked for space and time. I gave her both. A month later she started talking to me. For the past month, has contacted me daily. She had her space, now she just needs the time.

In that month, I haven't started a single conversation. An older lady told me "Let the girl come to you" and I stopped trying, and things started perking up.

August 1, 2013

I'm not a girl, but I did learn that when a girl asks for space, give it to her. The more you push, the further away she'll go.

She asked for space and time. I gave her both. A month later she started talking to me. For the past month, has contacted me daily. She had her space, now she just needs the time.

In that month, I haven't started a single conversation. An older lady told me "Let the girl come to you" and I stopped trying, and things started perking up.

Ok that's good to know. Did you talk to any other girls or hook up with any other girls? And how did you take her off your mind while that month?

August 1, 2013

Well the first couple weeks I pretended I was a fish But then I smartened up.

She was never off my mind. She still isn't. I just realized if I had any chance to get her back, I had to give her exactly what she wanted. What the older lady said to me, helped the bricks fall into place in my head. The realization that you don't need her to function is probably what makes it easiest. I'll be fine whatever way it falls, I'd just rather it falls in the positive side for the two of us. I know I'm a great guy.

I can't stop thinking of her, so I keep busy. I got my motorcycle license. I graduated in May, so I've been looking for a job. I left town and have been hanging out at my parents in the country side. I've been working on plans to build a house whenever I decide to return to where I was, using my old house rented out to pay for the construction loan. Working on my real estate license. Have plans for two companies (internet media and commercial real estate).

You just distract yourself. We all have our list of things we want to do, I've been working my way down that list. Far easier when you're on your own.

I've been online talking to girls. Where I am currently.... your choices are rather limited... I mostly just need the talking interaction. I haven't hooked up with anyone, because she isn't. I've figured this was a phase from the start, month before she brought up kids, week before was still talking about marriage. Me hooking up, while probably healthy for me, would probably cause long term problems. Could probably easily hide it, but I'm not gonna risk it, and frankly don't mind the alone time. But this is my situation. When I talk to her, it's clear that while she may say she broke up with me, the chain is off, I know it isn't. Gentleman in me says just sit tight.

Edited August 1, 2013 by LordSquidworth

August 1, 2013

Ok. But today she already text me saying dont beat yourself up and have a good day. And I told her have a good day, then she hits me with I miss you with a heart. Like girls are confusing it's ridiculous but I don't have her number in my phone, she'll have to contact me, she wanted the space and I'm giving it to her.

August 1, 2013

No **** they are. I told myself I would never play these games, then I realized I don't have a choice.

While I don't advocate this no contact for 30 days or whatever that is all over the internet, I do believe it is important to take some no contact time to get your head on straight, length is up to you. They remember everything, so the sooner you do so the better.

Give them what they want. I probably wouldn't have responded to her message. If she pressed, I would have given a short and quick response, but don't jump to responding. You want them to chase you, not you chase them/come off too eager. Still a month after talking almost daily, I'll ignore her texts/take hours to get back to her normally.

August 1, 2013

It's drives me crazy it hasn't even been a day yet a week and she's saying she misses me, but I definitely agree with not texting back right away, you want them thinking and chasing you so ima have to try that out whenever she texts or calls me. Should I ever text or call her if I don't hear from her in awhile or just give her that space and let her contact me ?

August 1, 2013

Give her the space. Let her come to you if she's gonna come back. Just keep your door open if you want it open.

August 2, 2013

Give her the space. Let her come to you if she's gonna come back. Just keep your door open if you want it open.

I'm trying to give her as much space as she wants, but damn I don't get how this girl can go from texting,calling,facetimeing me all day everyday for like 3 months and now it's like just nothing lol, but I deleted her number so I'm not even tempted to hit her up but I can't get her out my mind I'm just tryna stay busy at work and study for this test for another job.

August 2, 2013

"I need space"= "Im not into this so please go away so I dont have to be mean"...

I know its not what you want to hear, but.....

TFY

August 2, 2013

Yes, thefooloftheyear has translated it well.

I don't believe unconditionally in the sincerity of "I need space". It is an expression of confusion. And I don't think a guy should unconditionally accommodate her in whatever she asks about space, privacy, time, etc.

I think invariably this puts you on notice that she is seriously considering to ditch you. And more often than not, it may be for someone else. And ex, a new interest, etc.

So, I'd say, you probably do give her space, but for other reasons that "if a girl ask you to give her space, give it to her". If a girl asks you to jump through a hoop and disregard your needs, you don't just comply. However, that said, you really don't have many options when someone says they are temporarily done with you.

I think the right advice nugget in the above was the following. You want to work -- for yourself -- on "The realization that you don't need her to function is probably what makes it easiest. I'll be fine whatever way it falls, I'd just rather it falls in the positive side for the two of us. I know I'm a great guy."

This is the key. Her pushing you aside, is about her, and you can't change that. You need to take care of yourself and that is most importantly to work on disassociating your confidence and optimism from her decision. No matter how intense your relationship was, no matter how much you did for her, in life there is no right to continued affection of another. All you can do is firm up yourself. Learn from past mistakes you made -- but also not beat yourself up over them too much. If she doesn't want you authentic as you are, it's anyway pointless. Sooner or later it will crash.

Another thing: we have attachments which make the partner for us so special. But from a big picture perspective, if you believe in some couples fitting better than others, it is necessary that some close relationships must fail so that both can find a better match.

This time out is also a good moment to re-think what you really want in a relationship, and whether you had found it in that relationship. It's very hard to do if you are the one left behind, or the chaser, the one left with the desire, but the very fact that she left you hanging is one sign of what relationship with her is like. There is a certain amount of not being considerate of your needs in this behavior. Also, this behavior is secretive, hiding something from you. It shows she is not, and probably has not been really open with you. Those are signs not just of an accidental storm, but also of a persistent climate, which you may not want to get into.

So, during this time, hold onto your self and continue working on the fulfillment of the relationship that you want, no matter with whom.

August 2, 2013

But honestly she pretty much said I was just rushing things and she just got out of a relationship in January, but since then I've already realized how dumb I was rushing things. Yeah pretty much I feel like it's a nice way to say f*^% you I don't want you no more, but she still said she likes me ,misses me and she just needs to focus on her and her schoolwork, and yeah It could be all bullsh*t but what if it's not I'm throwing away a good relationship I thought I had with her and yeah maybe she just needs her space to realize how much I meant to her and misses me. But most of all I feel like I pushed her away buy rushing things like trying to buy her a watch and talking bout moving out with her. It's hard for me to just say f^*% it but in the end that'll probably happen but I feel different with this girl, I was fine before she came into my life, but since she colored my life it was just amazing, and now my life feels not colored without her. But in realizing to stay busy and do me. Work,work,exercise,eat healthy,etc

August 3, 2013

Give her the space. Let her come to you if she's gonna come back. Just keep your door open if you want it open.

she texted me today while i was saying "i'm not gonna lie I hella miss you"

but for some reason i dont even wanna text her back because it'll make me think of her even more. what woul you do bro ?

August 3, 2013

I can see you worry about throwing away a good relationship.

So don't do anything reactively.

But you gotta wonder if this is what a good relationship looks like.

She is pushing you aside and working on her own issues without letting you in. She is hiding something from you. Doesn't want you too close. Doesn't want to be known by you. That's the antithesis of intimacy. It is also not what friendship means. She needs your attention but doesn't really want to give herself.

I don't think you hang around. Do what you need to do for yourself. Set limits on idle attempts of her to keep you hanging on. Remember the song? You just keep me hanging on ...

Know what the problem is? "Set me free, why don't you baby ..." No, no. You ARE free. You can move on. You just have to decide what kind of relationship you want, and go forth in the world and get it. You don't even need to kill this one. It's just not there for you now. You are free. Have a blast of life. If ever she makes up her mind and you are still available, and you can see a chance then, go for it then. But don't wait and don't play games to "make her ..." anything.

August 3, 2013

Do not give in and talk to her. I am a girl and I went through a similar experience. I started dating this really nice guy and I did really like him but he was moving lightening fast and I wanted to go turtle slow. After like two weeks he wanted to drive me home to meet the parental. I got afraid because things were so fast so quickly

I kind of wanted to be his friend then learn to love him. I asked him for space and he gave me the "how long do you need" I told him I didn't know and he told me he would try. Well after that things got better for about a week and then bam he was back to being clingly. He proposed us going home again and I knew that it wasn't going to work out. I sadly tried to give myself space and started avoiding him. Then I just straight away broke up with him. He is now a good friend. If you want this girl and truly want her...leave her alone. Go out with friends. Make it a game...if you talks about her give your friend a dollar or a quarter each time. Forget her. If she wants you she will come for you

Showing her that your self sufficient and happy on your own makes you more attractive.

Trust me I pushed with a recent guy and he wasn't ready and I think I blew it. We still talk but its complicated. I would appreciate any advice you are willing to give on my situation. Its "he says it will happen in the future...maybe" good luck and remember just be you don't be anyone else because if your aren't good enough for her that means she wasn't good enough for you and someone else is. Sounds like she really just doesn't know what she wants!

August 3, 2013

I can see you worry about throwing away a good relationship.

So don't do anything reactively.

But you gotta wonder if this is what a good relationship looks like.

She is pushing you aside and working on her own issues without letting you in. She is hiding something from you. Doesn't want you too close. Doesn't want to be known by you. That's the antithesis of intimacy. It is also not what friendship means. She needs your attention but doesn't really want to give herself.

I don't think you hang around. Do what you need to do for yourself. Set limits on idle attempts of her to keep you hanging on. Remember the song? You just keep me hanging on ...

Know what the problem is? "Set me free, why don't you baby ..." No, no. You ARE free. You can move on. You just have to decide what kind of relationship you want, and go forth in the world and get it. You don't even need to kill this one. It's just not there for you now. You are free. Have a blast of life. If ever she makes up her mind and you are still available, and you can see a chance then, go for it then. But don't wait and don't play games to "make her ..." anything.

Honestly I think I came on way too strong by saying a couple things and it made her think we're moving way too fast, but after giving her space for a day, she said she misses me, another day goes by with no contact and she says I can't lie I really miss you, so I asked her why and she gave me really good reasons and made me think I'm still on her mind, she just needs her time to do her schoolwork and focus on her, and I need my time to focus in me and fix my car cause she was always coming to see me since I crashed my car. But I'm realizing I was kinda desperate for a relationship and since day 1 we acted like a couple so I treated her like a gf but in reality were still new to each other and we have very similar personalitys. But like you said no contact from my part if she contacts me so be it if not I have a great life to live, she wasn't the right one, there plenty of more out there...

August 3, 2013

Do not give in and talk to her. I am a girl and I went through a similar experience. I started dating this really nice guy and I did really like him but he was moving lightening fast and I wanted to go turtle slow. After like two weeks he wanted to drive me home to meet the parental. I got afraid because things were so fast so quickly
I kind of wanted to be his friend then learn to love him. I asked him for space and he gave me the "how long do you need" I told him I didn't know and he told me he would try. Well after that things got better for about a week and then bam he was back to being clingly. He proposed us going home again and I knew that it wasn't going to work out. I sadly tried to give myself space and started avoiding him. Then I just straight away broke up with him. He is now a good friend. If you want this girl and truly want her...leave her alone. Go out with friends. Make it a game...if you talks about her give your friend a dollar or a quarter each time. Forget her. If she wants you she will come for you
Showing her that your self sufficient and happy on your own makes you more attractive.

Trust me I pushed with a recent guy and he wasn't ready and I think I blew it. We still talk but its complicated. I would appreciate any advice you are willing to give on my situation. Its "he says it will happen in the future...maybe" good luck and remember just be you don't be anyone else because if your aren't good enough for her that means she wasn't good enough for you and someone else is. Sounds like she really just doesn't know what she wants!

I just think me being desperate and rushing things made her stop and think like oh damn this is going too fast and this might end bad, but in trying no contact but she already texted me saying I can't lie, I miss you, so I waited like 5 hours to text back and said why do you miss me, and then she gave me some great reasons why she missed me but said idk if texting you was a good idea cause now I miss you more. So I texted back once and then she texted but since then I'm like ima let you do you giver you your space, when and if the time is right, she'll contact me and we can start over right ?!

August 6, 2013

Like the title says, I can't get this girl off my mind, I mean i met her 3 months ago, we had sex multiple times, and acted like a couple for those 3months, just 4 or 5 days ago she wants her space, so i'm gving it to her, no contact has been the best for me, but I recently just texted her because she has texted me randomly saying she misses me, and goodnight, I just wanted to see how she was doing, and i definitely missed her. No i feel worst, all she said was I've been Good

Girls can be hard to read, i feel like i need to just get over her, but another part of me is saying shell come back just wait but i feel like crap, how do i deal with this, I wishi could just go find another girl just like her so I can be so happy because she colored my life the way no other girl has done and now since we dont talk i feel like crap, and i dont know what to do. I try to keep busy, i try to write things out of my head, It just really sucks,I keep checking my phone to see if shell text me call me, its just not the same with her in my life, i find it better if i have my phone off so i cant check my phone and will time make everything better, i just want her back and the way things went before she told me she needs space. what do you girls and guys think ?

Edited August 6, 2013 by Tropi_cali510

August 6, 2013

Well it's been just a few days, so it's natural to still have someone on your mind.

My suggestion is to just start working on yourself and moving on. If things work out, great, no harm by working on yourself. If things don't work out at least you will be on the right path already.

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