Girlfriend on Holiday

August 1, 2013

Hellloooo all!!

Was hoping some of you kind people may be able to jump in with you're 2 cents on this one.

basically, I've been going out with this girl for almost 6 months. Everything is going amazing. We're REALLY close and have done some AMAZING things together. The only one of her flaws, I would say, is that, when we are apart, she's RUBBISH at keeping in contact!! She HATES texting and I know she isn't only this way with me as her friends keep bugging her about the same thing.

Annnnyyyyway. She went on holiday to a party island with her single friends. She's sent a few nice messages re. how she misses me and wishes I was there but has also slipped in the following:

That a boy threw her bag in the sea

That she woke up and there were boys in her room as her single mates had brought them back

She's been hanging out with loads of "people" from her hostel

One of her mates had a threesome

Etc, etc

Now maybe she is just trying to make me jealous? Dunno. But over the last 2 days, her contact has been woeful. She sent me a message at about 8pm one night saying she got so smashed the night before , couldn't remember anything and was going to go for dinner and have a couple of beers then an early night as they were going on a boat trip tomorrow. She didn't contact me until 11:30pm the next day – I had replied to her message the night before and text her in the morning. She didn't even apologise, instead she went on about how she hired a boat with some "people" from their hostel and drunk and danced all day. She said she felt a bit ill but that it was all going to be fine as she was just about to go a super club. Standard "I miss you", then end of message. She doesn't message me out of the blue, she doesn't message me when she wakes up or when she goes to bed and generally, I'm thinking she isn't thinking about me at all.

I didn't bother replying as I got home at 2am and she was in the superclub anyway so wouldn't of responded. But anyway, she may suspect something is up (Der Der) as today she text me at 2:30pm saying she was really hungover, how she went to the Super Club last night and got thrown in the sea in her clothes. Why does she feel the need to tell me about all these interactions with guys?!? Then she goes on to say, tell me you miss me because I really miss you. I've been used to getting 1 message, late at night, just before she's about to go out and get wasted telling me about what all these boys have done, blah blah

So basically, I just wanted to ask some of you fine people, what I should do really?? I know she's always bad at keeping in contact, but when she is on holiday, I kinda expected her to be….better. I mean, is it unreasonable in thinking it's not hard to send a quick text when you wakeup or go to sleep once in a while? If she really was thinking about me, surely she would WANT to contact me and see what I've been up to, etc.

I really like her but I'm just not sure if she's right for me. I mean, I would like to be with someone who actually wants to contact me every now and again.

What should I do? Obviously I need to reply to her text. I just don't know how to act? Should I act like everything is normal, just say I got home late last night, was shattered and that I'm glad shes been having such an amazing time? Or should I just wait until late at night to respond and see if she texts again asking if anything's up? Which se probably won't!

Any help would be MUCH MUCH appreciated. Like I said, when we are together we are AMAZING. I'v met her family and friends and loads of people keep commenting on how "good a couple" we are an how happy and affectionate we are to eachother. But when we are apart, shes RUBBISH. And on holiday too….

August 1, 2013

So basically, I just wanted to ask some of you fine people, what I should do really?? I know she's always bad at keeping in contact, but when she is on holiday, I kinda expected her to be….better. I mean, is it unreasonable in thinking it's not hard to send a quick text when you wakeup or go to sleep once in a while? If she really was thinking about me, surely she would WANT to contact me and see what I've been up to, etc.

Well you can't expect her to change. She has shown you how she values contact, and you need to decide if that's good enough for you or not...

I really like her but I'm just not sure if she's right for me. I mean, I would like to be with someone who actually wants to contact me every now and again.

... to continue here; you need to speak with her about this lack of contact and figure out if the two of you could come to a compromise. If not, you have to decide if you can be happy with what you have or if it would be better to move on.

What should I do? Obviously I need to reply to her text. I just don't know how to act? Should I act like everything is normal, just say I got home late last night, was shattered and that I'm glad shes been having such an amazing time? Or should I just wait until late at night to respond and see if she texts again asking if anything's up? Which se probably won't!

So her last message was "I miss you" at some random point last night? If anything I'd just send a standard "Hope you have a good day today". Since there was no conversation anyways, a simple statement would do.

Any help would be MUCH MUCH appreciated. Like I said, when we are together we are AMAZING. I'v met her family and friends and loads of people keep commenting on how "good a couple" we are an how happy and affectionate we are to eachother. But when we are apart, shes RUBBISH. And on holiday too….

That's the part you need to concern yourself with. You can't just be happy with "she's great sometimes..." Either you're happy and satisified enough to continue the relationship or unhappy enough to end it. Staying stagnant would do nothing but waste time. All you can do is talk to her and bring up your concerns.

I won't comment on what she is doing while away, as she doesn't take the time to contact you normally but feels the need to tell you about what other guys are doing... just sets off alarms to me.

August 1, 2013

Hellloooo all!!

Was hoping some of you kind people may be able to jump in with you're 2 cents on this one.

basically, I've been going out with this girl for almost 6 months. Everything is going amazing. We're REALLY close and have done some AMAZING things together. The only one of her flaws, I would say, is that, when we are apart, she's RUBBISH at keeping in contact!! She HATES texting and I know she isn't only this way with me as her friends keep bugging her about the same thing.

Annnnyyyyway. She went on holiday to a party island with her single friends. She's sent a few nice messages re. how she misses me and wishes I was there but has also slipped in the following:

That a boy threw her bag in the sea
That she woke up and there were boys in her room as her single mates had brought them back
She's been hanging out with loads of "people" from her hostel
One of her mates had a threesome
Etc, etc

Now maybe she is just trying to make me jealous? Dunno. But over the last 2 days, her contact has been woeful. She sent me a message at about 8pm one night saying she got so smashed the night before , couldn't remember anything and was going to go for dinner and have a couple of beers then an early night as they were going on a boat trip tomorrow. She didn't contact me until 11:30pm the next day – I had replied to her message the night before and text her in the morning. She didn't even apologise, instead she went on about how she hired a boat with some "people" from their hostel and drunk and danced all day. She said she felt a bit ill but that it was all going to be fine as she was just about to go a super club. Standard "I miss you", then end of message. She doesn't message me out of the blue, she doesn't message me when she wakes up or when she goes to bed and generally, I'm thinking she isn't thinking about me at all.

I didn't bother replying as I got home at 2am and she was in the superclub anyway so wouldn't of responded. But anyway, she may suspect something is up (Der Der) as today she text me at 2:30pm saying she was really hungover, how she went to the Super Club last night and got thrown in the sea in her clothes. Why does she feel the need to tell me about all these interactions with guys?!? Then she goes on to say, tell me you miss me because I really miss you. I've been used to getting 1 message, late at night, just before she's about to go out and get wasted telling me about what all these boys have done, blah blah

So basically, I just wanted to ask some of you fine people, what I should do really?? I know she's always bad at keeping in contact, but when she is on holiday, I kinda expected her to be….better. I mean, is it unreasonable in thinking it's not hard to send a quick text when you wakeup or go to sleep once in a while? If she really was thinking about me, surely she would WANT to contact me and see what I've been up to, etc.

I really like her but I'm just not sure if she's right for me. I mean, I would like to be with someone who actually wants to contact me every now and again.

What should I do? Obviously I need to reply to her text. I just don't know how to act? Should I act like everything is normal, just say I got home late last night, was shattered and that I'm glad shes been having such an amazing time? Or should I just wait until late at night to respond and see if she texts again asking if anything's up? Which se probably won't!

Any help would be MUCH MUCH appreciated. Like I said, when we are together we are AMAZING. I'v met her family and friends and loads of people keep commenting on how "good a couple" we are an how happy and affectionate we are to eachother. But when we are apart, shes RUBBISH. And on holiday too….

Wow that's hard. I wouldn't explain why you didn't respond right away, I would just keep it short and simple "Miss you too. Can't wait to see you when you get back." And when she gets back, I'd honestly have a talk with her about how it made you feel. If she truly cares she will work on that issue, and, I can't tell from just this post, but is this one text a day more than she'd normally do? Like, is this her trying to be good and stay in contact with you, and normally she wouldn't have even thought to text for a few days?

I def wouldn't bring anything up while she's on vaca, and I'd keep your texts light to her. But I would also make sure to talk to her when she gets back, and that will help you decide if this relationship has potential, or if she's going to continue this way, it might cause a stressy relationship. Good luck!

August 1, 2013

Sounds like you guys are both young. Let her enjoy her adventure. It is not like she is going to tell every guy "I have a boyfriend, don't talk to me". She is being open with you. If you would prefer not to hear it maybe you have your own insecurities that you aren't good enough to keep her interest. I have done travel on my own in various cities. If you are staying at hostels you meet a lot of interesting people and yeah you tend to hang out with strangers. Not like things necessarily "happen", specially if people are dating someone. I would let her enjoy her time there and not make a big deal of it. I don't know what you expect of her to do? If she gone for like 1 month?? If she is gone for a week or whatever then you are sweating it too much. I think your insecurities are wanting her to be constantly in touch with you.

You should be going out and having fun and enjoying life too and not just waiting for her to come back. Have some stories to share with her about your adventures too.

August 1, 2013

Thank you sooo much for taking the time to respond Philosoraptor and StarsOnFire. Really appreciate it.

Philosraptor, her last message was this afternoon saying that she was hungover, went to the superclub last night and someone threw her in the sea with all her clothes on. So again - mentioning boys. Thanks again for your wise advice, makes a lot of sense. Your statement: "Staying stagnant would do nothing but waste time" rings so true. Why do you think she has the need to comment on what other guys are doing? Do you think she is trying to make me jealous? Surely, if she was cheating, she wouldn't even mention the word boy??

Thank you to you too StarsOnFire - again some solid advice. So you both think I should just send her a brief message and act like everything is ok? We normally exchange long messages though (when she bothers to message me haha) so may think something is up anyway? I don't know about bringing it up when she is back. I mean, she will be in high spirits coming back from an amazing holiday, I don't want to be a downer on that. But you're right, it can't go on like this. When she is at home she texts more than once a day. However, sometimes she takes hours to respond.

OK so a light text is the way forward???

THANK YOU

August 1, 2013

Sounds like you guys are both young. Let her enjoy her adventure. It is not like she is going to tell every guy "I have a boyfriend, don't talk to me". She is being open with you. If you would prefer not to hear it maybe you have your own insecurities that you aren't good enough to keep her interest. I have done travel on my own in various cities. If you are staying at hostels you meet a lot of interesting people and yeah you tend to hang out with strangers. Not like things necessarily "happen", specially if people are dating someone. I would let her enjoy her time there and not make a big deal of it. I don't know what you expect of her to do? If she gone for like 1 month?? If she is gone for a week or whatever then you are sweating it too much. I think your insecurities are wanting her to be constantly in touch with you.

You should be going out and having fun and enjoying life too and not just waiting for her to come back. Have some stories to share with her about your adventures too.

Thanks for your response Lansing. We are both in our late 20's and I'm not saying that i think anything is going on with someone. i mean, the thought obviously had crossed my mind, but she's a decent girl with decent morals so id like to think she would never do that. But, i don't know, i guess i would just like her to think of me once in a while, like maybe when she wakes up or whatever and actually want to get in contact with me. I'm not saying I want her to contact me all the time! No way. But contacting me at 8pm one day and not until 11:30pm the next day and just saying that she's been with a load of people from her hostel and has been drinking and dancing all day/night and is about to go to a super club doesn't exactly make me feel like she give a *&£^ (excuse my French). Even if she had text me in the morning just to say: "i'm going out on a boat with some people from the hostel today, i'll text you later" then i wouldn't be annoyed at all! is that really unreasonable? Just feels like she ALWAYS texts me LAAATE at night just before she is about to go out to a club....it almost feel like messaging me is a bit of a chore

August 1, 2013

I think that while she is in holidays I would just keep the contact simple and I would not mention anything. When she comes back you need to tell her that her contact skills need to improve .... If she is great when she is with you... I would just enjoy that part...

August 1, 2013

Why do you think she has the need to comment on what other guys are doing? Do you think she is trying to make me jealous? Surely, if she was cheating, she wouldn't even mention the word boy??

Would you want to stay with someone who is intentionally trying to make you jealous? Would you want to stay with someone who lacks these boundaries? Would you want to stay with someone who shows such little care to your feelings and needs?

No matter what her reasons are, you are uncomfortable and that's really the only thing to concern yourself with.

August 1, 2013

Would you want to stay with someone who is intentionally trying to make you jealous? Would you want to stay with someone who lacks these boundaries? Would you want to stay with someone who shows such little care to your feelings and needs?

No matter what her reasons are, you are uncomfortable and that's really the only thing to concern yourself with.

thanks Philosoraptor, all you are saying is very true. I guess I don't want to waste anymore time I guess. I was single for 2 years before this relationship, out of choice because I was previously engaged and had a mortgage with a girl who i was with for 6 years. But in that time i dated a lot of girls but this is the first one, in 2 years, that has EVER meant anything to me.

But you are very right - she is showing little care to my feelings and needs. But do you think she even realises she's doing it? She's sooo laid back. I mean, I'm laid back but shes...LAAAAAAID BACK! Maybe she just doesn't think anything of it? or maybe she does. Do you think she is trying to make me jealous by mentioning all these boys etc then?

August 1, 2013

I think that while she is in holidays I would just keep the contact simple and I would not mention anything. When she comes back you need to tell her that her contact skills need to improve .... If she is great when she is with you... I would just enjoy that part...

Thank you TheRhythm. OK so everyone seems to agree that simple/light contact is the way forward. She is AMAZING when she is with me but this one statement rings so true: out of sight, out of mind

August 1, 2013

Aww, sorry to hear that.

I'm going to tell you what I normally tend to tell women - mirror her actions.

If I were you, I would become really busy for a few days and not really have a chance to contact her or take her contacts. I'm sure MrCastle will say that's rude , but in this case, actions speak louder than words. If you show her that you aren't tolerating this, it will have more of an effect than if you tell her.

Now, I am NOT saying to break up with her, not unless you have actual reason to believe she cheated or something, but her behavior isn't commendable, either.

Pull back. Think about things. Do your own stuff and live your own life. Make your responses very short and sort of cool. "Miss you too." That's all I'd say in response.

Things will be ok either way, I promise.

August 1, 2013

Aww, sorry to hear that.

I'm going to tell you what I normally tend to tell women - mirror her actions.

If I were you, I would become really busy for a few days and not really have a chance to contact her or take her contacts. I'm sure MrCastle will say that's rude , but in this case, actions speak louder than words. If you show her that you aren't tolerating this, it will have more of an effect than if you tell her.

Now, I am NOT saying to break up with her, not unless you have actual reason to believe she cheated or something, but her behavior isn't commendable, either.

Pull back. Think about things. Do your own stuff and live your own life. Make your responses very short and sort of cool. "Miss you too." That's all I'd say in response.

Things will be ok either way, I promise.

Awww thanks soooo much! Inspirational words there!! Funny enough, that is pretty much what I've been doing, mirroring her behaviour. i haven't replied to her message yet and I'm just about to go for beers on the roof terrace of a swanky bar in the west end. So, I'll probably wait and text her later. But again, another person mentions keeping the messages short and sweet so will DEFO do that.

Do you think pulling back will make a difference though? Might even mean mean less reason to contact me. Knowing her!

August 2, 2013

OK soooooo....ended up going out last night and had free drinks all night. Ended up getting more drunk than I've been for years!!!Not good!!! In fact, I still feel drunk now....no lie.

Annnnnyway. She text me again at 11:30pm asking if i was ok. I replied with a text that I'm pretty sure no one (unless they were as pissed as me) would be able to decipher. She replied, asked if i had been drinking and then said she was glad i was ok as she was getting worried.

She also text me this morning asking if i was drunk last night and if i had gone into work today.

hmmmmm soooooo......she doesn't seem to like it when the tables are turned hey?!!!

Edited August 2, 2013 by SimonPhoenix

August 2, 2013

Holy crap. It's my twin.

August 2, 2013

Holy crap. It's my twin.

I thought it was you at first

August 2, 2013

I'm good at texting in general, but on holiday people don't hear from me. My SO would here from me once a day if that. I go on holiday for a break.

If you need more contact when she is away talk to her when she is back. I would personally feel terrible if I got back from holiday if my SO felt like I forgot him... And would make an effort in future to text him more. So it might be that simple.

Also she is telling you what she is up to. I don't think it is bad news if you trust her. I'm not sure the jealousy is necessarily warranted, but only you know her.

I think just relax and see how things are when she is back. You might find she has been hanging out with a bunch of gay guys for all you know haha not too likely but it might be equally innocent.

August 2, 2013

Holy crap. It's my twin.

a space....the only thing that differentiates us!

August 2, 2013

No more Demolition Man for either of you. I was confused, too!!

Anyway, now that you're doing what she's doing, keep it up, only maybe less drinking. You don't want to exhibit signs of being totally out of control, you know?

But keep with the short replies, and keep going out. You'll be fine.

August 2, 2013

Great timing on this post. A girl I've been dating for a month went to LA to hit the amusement parks with her two preteen daughters. I heard from her on the day she drove out. Two texts, then a phone call. Yesterday, I sent a short text telling her I hoped they were having a blast. I didn't hear anything from her at all yesterday.

I asked a female friend if that was odd and she said absolutely not. She's busy with her kids having fun on vacation, you shouldn't expect to hear from her. I'm like ok..

August 2, 2013

Great timing on this post. A girl I've been dating for a month went to LA to hit the amusement parks with her two preteen daughters. I heard from her on the day she drove out. Two texts, then a phone call. Yesterday, I sent a short text telling her I hoped they were having a blast. I didn't hear anything from her at all yesterday.

I asked a female friend if that was odd and she said absolutely not. She's busy with her kids having fun on vacation, you shouldn't expect to hear from her. I'm like ok..

You have only been dating a month too.

My g/f went on vaca with her son in June. I just let her contact me via text or phone, never put any pressure on her..in fact I went on vaca with my son during the same time so it worked out perfect. She came back missing me more than ever. Chill and take care of you, love on yourself.

August 2, 2013

You have only been dating a month too.

My g/f went on vaca with her son in June. I just let her contact me via text or phone, never put any pressure on her..in fact I went on vaca with my son during the same time so it worked out perfect. She came back missing me more than ever. Chill and take care of you, love on yourself.

It's no biggie, I just thought it was odd is all. Clearly, my view on this is wrong and I'm not stressing or anything. My text to her was just a statement "hope you girls are having a blast". I wasn't expecting a reply. I'm not planning to contact her again either. She can contact me when she wants to when she's up to it.

I'm learning this girl is just much diff than my last GF. She would have texted me or called even at only a month.

August 2, 2013

It's no biggie, I just thought it was odd is all. Clearly, my view on this is wrong and I'm not stressing or anything. My text to her was just a statement "hope you girls are having a blast". I wasn't expecting a reply. I'm not planning to contact her again either. She can contact me when she wants to when she's up to it.

I'm learning this girl is just much diff than my last GF. She would have texted me or called even at only a month.

Yes....learn how your new g/f communicates and do not expect or compare it to other R's. She is her own person. Mirror what she does while she is out of town. Detach with love from your text and do not take it personal.

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