smrtrubyred Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) So...I have been doing the online dating thing (POF and Match) for a while and have not really found anybody on POF that wants anything beyond sex. Until recently.... I met this amazing man on POF. He is a divorcee with two kids that do not live with him full time. He is in the last leg of his PhD in chemical enginering. Basically he has this PhD thesis defense in September and then he is done. Our first date was fantastic, we both agreed on that. The second semi-date he asked me if I wanted to go to the zoo with him and his kids. I said yes, he introduced me as a friend. It was a great day, I got to see him as a father and meet his kids in a very informal way. The subsequent dates (movie night, cooking dinner together, going out to eat and driving around the city) ALL were great. We talked pratically every day. We have alot of physical chemistry and we have fun together and both want the same things. Out of the blue he drops this bomb on me saying he is freaking out, stressing out because of his thesis defense. He has alot to do in not alot of time and make sure he is 100% prepared to defend his thesis in front of his peers so he can graduate. Basically he says we can't talk or go out on dates until after his defense is over (Sept 13) Basically he says he is at the university in the lab all day and only comes home to sleep and eat. And his only free time he can sacrifice is for this kids on those every other weekends. I had a friend and her husband was studying for the BAR. Her husband made her move out until the test was over!!! I know that him preparing for this defense is the equivilant of studying for the BAR or Medical Boards.....but I dont know what to think??? He is such a great guy! But seriously NO COMMUNICATION AT ALL! HELP HELP HELP:confused: Edited August 1, 2013 by smrtrubyred needs better title
ShiningMoon Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) I think you shouldn't let it go but shouldn't spend your entire summer waiting on him to make a move. You should go out and date other guys but keep him in the back of your mind. If you focus your entire dating life on this guy knowing how "busy" he is, you're going to get really frustrated and you might miss out on better opportunities. In my opinion, you should keep him on the back of your mind and maybe if you're still single after September 13th, you can try to see him. Until then, go out, have fun and meet new people! I don't think he is lying to you for the sole reason he told you he was gonna be busy beforehand, so you shouldn't be upset or anything. Try to be understand but don't limit your options to this guy only. If you give him space, he might like you more or he might just let it go, but it's worth the risk. You shouldn't block yourself from meeting other guys because you're hung up on this one guy especially if he happens to change his mind about you later on. Besides, people have priorities in life. You can't be mad at someone for wanting to work! I'm a woman and when I had to study for such exams, I wouldn't communicate with anyone! I'd take my FB profile down, turn my phone off and store my laptop away for like 4 weeks. I would just give myself an hour for lunch and that's it. So try to be understanding. Edited August 1, 2013 by ShiningMoon
soccerrprp Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Well, he's neither a frog nor prince for now. He's simply not available. You shouldn't wait for him. Like ShiningMoon suggests, date others so you're not in the possible position of having waited for someone who may change his mind about you or may not be really into you. I understand how such exams are important, but I have a number of friends who have had to study for such exams, defenses and they always found time for their SO. In fact, finding the time for SO was a way to relieve some stress, take a break. Not saying he's not genuine, but you shouldn't wait for him. Go date and you may find someone who is not so busy and just as great!
grkBoy Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I'm with ShiningMoon. Give him space, keep him in mind, but don't put all your eggs in one basket, Live life, go out, meet guys, do what makes you happy. If you're single by Sept 13 and he comes calling, then go for it. If he vanishes...then you know how full of it he was.
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