feelinghopeless89 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 In the last 3 weeks, 2 of my close friends broke up with their boyfriend. One of my friends was the dumpee, while the other one was the dumper. We all went to dinner the other night and they were talking about their relationships and the negative parts of it. I am still trying to heal and get over my break up. I was the dumpee. As my friends were talking about the down sides of their relationships, my mind started racing and I just lost it when I got home. I felt like every single thing they were saying went wrong throughout their relationship, mine was the complete opposite. The way my ex left me and how everything happened was horrible, but for the year and a half we were together, I would go as far to say that everything about our relationship was almost perfect. I wanted to put this out here to see if anyone is going through the same thing, and why it is making it so much harder to let go. We all have certain things we look for in our bf/gf. My ex checked off every single thing I would want in a boyfriend, plus more. Some examples are, he was my best friend, he was very nurturing and attentive, constantly texting and talking on the phone, he was spontaneous, attractive, and amazing chemistry physically and emotionally. He built me up every day and made me feel so special. The few times we did argue, he always wanted to talk things out and made sure neither of us went to bed upset. That year and a half with him was the happiest I have ever been in my life. We talked about the future, marriage, kids. When everything happened towards the end of our relationship (you can read my other posts to find out what happened - long and complicated story!) it was almost like I was in a state in shock, for months, because of how fast things, and he, turned. To this day, I still struggle trying to let go. Although now that I am healing, it really has gotten me thinking about relationships in general. My friends are having an easier time with their breakup than I did because they have a list of things their ex did throughout their relationship that they did not like. I almost wish that was the case for me. I felt like I was with the perfect boyfriend. I would even think to myself often when I was with him that this was too good to be true. Later I found out, maybe it was too good to be true. After going to dinner with my friends, and thinking about all of this, has really made me fearful for my future relationships. I don't want to just settle. I want everything my ex gave to me, but I am scared that I will always be nervous about him leaving me so horribly like my ex did. I am also scared that I won't be happy if I have/feel anything less than I did with my ex. I know that seems a little selfish, but I am truly scared I will never be as happy as I was. For everyone going through a break up and having a hard time with it, I am so sorry. I feel your pain. Although breakups are such a horrible thing to go through, it is comforting to hear other people's stories and know that none of us are alone. Just wanted to get some opinions, advice, and if anyone went through a similar situation let me know.
reddragon588 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 There is no such thing as perfect. I am struggling with the same thing as my relationship seemed very strong. My girlfriend provided all the things you said your boyfriend did. However, when she broke up with me, it shattered that image of perfection for me. I'm starting to realize that she was never fully committed to me in the way I was to her. The fact that your boyfriend broke up with you shows that his talk about the future was just that- talk. If he was committed he would not have broken up with you. We have to realize that commitment is shown through actions, not words. Think harder about your relationship- were there things that happened that you may have just brushed off that you now realize were signs of a fear of/ lack of commitment?
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