turnerik Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) I just gotta pour my heart out. Any advice or words would be great. I'm just sitting at work right now balling my eyes out. I miss her so much. It probably doesn't mean anything and im not trying to look into it, but I looked at here twitter today and she said "dbelyingifisaid that I didn't think about what could of been." I know you are all going to tell me not to look at any social media and everything, but I wanted to. I just want to call her phone just to hear her voice mail. I thought I could get over her, but I can't do it. I no longer let people know how depressed I actually am, I just put on a show for everyone. im a 20 year old guy and I should be out having the time of my life, but all I can do is just think about her. I would still die for this girl, and I know that she wouldn't even talk to me. My suicidal thoughts are coming back like when we first broke up. I'm back to wanting to go to her house and just show up, or go to her school and just kinda walk by, just to see her. I was doing good for a while, my mind was on me moving somewhere new, but now that I'm back all I can think about is her. I wish I could go out more, but I don't have that many friends, and no one ever asks me to do much of anything anymore. Luckily im not 21 or id be an alcoholic. Everyone asks how I am doing, and I tell them im doing good, but im not, I don't even think im doing much better than when she left me over 4 months ago. It sounds horrible, but part of me wants to die. I have a psychologist I go to and all, but in between the sessions I'm scared to talk to anyone because then they wont want to hang out anymore. I'm sick of putting on a show for everyone, it makes them feel better, but I don't. I just called her phone with a blocked number to hear her voice. First time i've heard her voice since May. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Sorry for ranting and the run ons, too emotional to space everything out. Edited August 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
supaflyz Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Mn i don't really know what to say. I guess most people on here already told you to leave her alone. I guess you didn't do that? I mean you can't really do nothing else.
unexpectedlyhere Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I feel for you so much. It's really tough. If you are having suicidal thoughts your priority should be 100% YOU. Get yourself out of that place. Ask your psychologist for help. Call the Samaritans. See if there is a help group local to you. Don't lie to your friends.
BLS Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Start NC, you're not letting go of her. Stop E-Stalking, it's unhealthy and essentially breaks NC.
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