TB Rhine Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Somehow skipped right over the entire second page of posts before replying, LoL. Oh well... If you've got a month or so before class starts, I would definitely try and arrange something in person before then. Talking to someone online for too long without meeting is sort of like 'hanging out' for too long without making a move - think of it like a rubber band slowly being stretched out. If it snaps or goes slack before you've consummated things (i.e., met up in the first instance, gotten physical with each other in the second), you're sunk. The interaction will fizzle and by the time you see her in the fall, she'll be onto someone else. Strike while the iron is hot, my man! 1
Author MightyPanda Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Somehow skipped right over the entire second page of posts before replying, LoL. Oh well... If you've got a month or so before class starts, I would definitely try and arrange something in person before then. Talking to someone online for too long without meeting is sort of like 'hanging out' for too long without making a move - think of it like a rubber band slowly being stretched out. If it snaps or goes slack before you've consummated things (i.e., met up in the first instance, gotten physical with each other in the second), you're sunk. The interaction will fizzle and by the time you see her in the fall, she'll be onto someone else. Strike while the iron is hot, my man! Gah yeah that's not gonna be easy lol... Like I said our in-person interaction was a little meh - so unless she was putting on a good mask or she has no problems getting to know a guy over text, I'm not so sure she'd be comfortable hanging out yet. If I was more certain she was into me I'd be more proactive, but it's still really early. I'll try my best to build rapport over text though. On the bright side you know she's not going to be at a bar meeting new guys every night.
Skyraider829 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Haha good question... well what drew me to her initially was her appearance - no surprises there. She's really pretty - and imo it's not a personal taste thing, she's def attractive. We signed up for the same orientation date (out of around 20 different dates), each orientation date of like 600 ppl got split into about 25 even smaller groups, and we both signed up for the same dorm hall as our top choice (out of 12 hall options) - I mean, what are the odds of that? I knew it was a chance for me to be confident and test my college game from day one, and that I'd regret it down the road if I didn't at least try to get to know her. I wasn't getting any necessarily bad vibes during our interactions - until she brushed off my number close and told me to add her on FB - which made me a little insecure, which is why I ended up on here. I got mixed signals in person, but she seemed much more open over FB chat, so I figured I better keep at it until she straight up rejects me. Even if nothing relationship wise materializes, it can't hurt to have a good looking chick in your social/friend circle lol. In terms of personality, she seems pretty easygoing and innocent. We share a few interests, so that of course draws me towards her as well. Wow, she sounds like gal I like quite a bit in terms of personality. I agree with you in regards to the likelihood of you two both being placed on the same hall, its rather unlikely from the view of probability of that occuring - no doubt. If she is turning out to be more conversational over FB, then you could probably say she wad just uncertain about what to talk over in person. That's understandable especially if you both are totally new, and if you both have some degree of mutual interest. Of course, no assumption without evidence. I think if you pursue her friendship first, you two could hit it off that way. Then, let if there is a possibility of something more - let it unfold as it will. Common interests you say? Excellent. That's definitely a benefit. This girl I like is going to school to study nursing, and although its not my passion, I hold an interest in cardiology. So, I'm trying to hit off a talk about medicine sometime with her. I second what the above commenter posted. Try to get with her in person before school. Establish a good ground with her. As for when you both start school, instead of chatting with her on FB, do something different - like when you are ready to ask her out for lunch or drinks, try a "classic" approach. You know, something that deviates from the whole social networking norm. Something fresh. For example, slip her a card, either a blank one or just a general greeting card, asking if she'd like to have a coffee with you. Send instructions with it, asking her to write yes or no, and return it to your dorm. Don't make it some flirty / romantic ordeal - however, do make it kind of inventive or fun. I can't say with one hundred percent certainty that it will, but it just might very well captivate her attention and make her realize your uniqueness and that yeah, you're different and interesting. I just got writing three rough drafts of a letter I plan on giving to the girl I'd like to befriend. Another thing, if she happens to point out that she's bad at some subject - do nothing but encourage her. Or if you're good at what she's bad in, offer her your help. I'm pulling for you dude, you'll figure it out. 1
Skyraider829 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) Gah yeah that's not gonna be easy lol... Like I said our in-person interaction was a little meh - so unless she was putting on a good mask or she has no problems getting to know a guy over text, I'm not so sure she'd be comfortable hanging out yet. If I was more certain she was into me I'd be more proactive, but it's still really early. I'll try my best to build rapport over text though. On the bright side you know she's not going to be at a bar meeting new guys every night. Again, its difficult to say. The uncertainty running amok in the minds of two individuals of opposite gender always leads to intriguing introductions and ice breakers. I suppose it can be more of a one-sided thingy, or it can be mutual. Everyone's different, right? Its not a bad idea to build rapport over FB, use every resource you can. A couple more questions... (1): When you two met, how did you perceive her interaction with you? (2): Was she smiling a lot whilst talking with you? Did she make any significant indications? Edited August 11, 2013 by Skyraider829 1
Author MightyPanda Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) Again, its difficult to say. The uncertainty running amok in the minds of two individuals of opposite gender always leads to intriguing introductions and ice breakers. I suppose it can be more of a one-sided thingy, or it can be mutual. Everyone's different, right? Its not a bad idea to build rapport over FB, use every resource you can. A couple more questions... (1): When you two met, how did you perceive her interaction with you? (2): Was she smiling a lot whilst talking with you? Did she make any significant indications? Thanks for all your advice man, I really appreciate it. Best of luck with your girl too - I wish I could help you too, but as you can tell I'm not really in the best position to do that haha. About asking her to hang before school starts, you mean just us two or with a couple of my friends? I def get what you guys are saying that it's not a good idea to hold out for too long without asking her to something in person - but I feel like she may be uncomfortable with that this early, and if she brushes it off again that does me no good lol. To answer your questions - well I wasn't getting any indication she disliked me or I was creeping her out, so I kept chatting with her briefly throughout orientation. Come to think of it, each time we talked for the brief minute or two, she had first walked up to near where I was (she was never the one initiating though). It was never me who walked up to/approached her. When I think of it that way, it seems pretty promising - but the other half of me always tells me to quit the wishful thinking haha. Also it might be worth adding that each of our interactions were in the morning/noon (orientation was all day), and when I number closed it was late in the afternoon. Def a better idea to ask for the digits at the peak of an interaction - but each of our chats were so brief it was tough, so I had no choice but to ask for the digits because it was my last chance (literally, we were dismissed right after I asked lol). Maybe she felt it was kind of abrupt because we hadn't talked for a few hours? Dunno. As for the smiling... I dunno lol. She wasn't smiling gaping wide each time I was talking to her haha, but she seemed friendly whenever we were chatting? At least I didn't think she felt annoyed by this rando dude who kept talking to her. If there was any interesting indication it probably would've been what I said earlier about how each time I initiated a chat, she had walked up near me beforehand. Anyways I'm chatting her again - none of her answers are the single word "lol" reply etc... using hahas and smileys a lot (yes I know I am overevaluating this lol). Could just be a habit of hers, but hey she's replying each time. Seems promising, I should at least be able to make a friendship out of this. Edited August 11, 2013 by MightyPanda
Skyraider829 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) Its my pleasure to try to help you out the best I can. I'm not an expert at this, but when I saw your thread I thought "This seems similar to what I'm dealing with..." and decided to jump in see what I could do. Oh and thanks for being willing to help out, she was gone for like five or six days and I thought she'd left for college but I caught her out walking those two dogs one fine, bright day and chatted with her for like two or three minutes as usual. She seems to be opening up more, and seemed happy to speak with me. So I figured I better get rolling with getting to know her before she goes to Fort Myers. About asking her to hang before school starts, you mean just us two or with a couple of my friends? Whatever seems more appropriate to you, that's my opinion on the matter. Hanging with some others would make things more free and unbounded if you get my angle, but if she's warming up to you more, try to hang out with her, just you and her and do something casual. Go for a stroll somewhere nice, like around a park or something similar. Try to feel it out by FB chat sessions, like I said - if she is sort of quiet, you can get a grasp on what she's like when comfortable around others after she's known them for some period of time. Since you are both new to each other, its hard to gauge her actions and reactions. And no, do not hold out for too long because then things might go stale. I suggest not risking that. Keep her interest piqued. To answer your questions - well I wasn't getting any indication she disliked me or I was creeping her out, so I kept chatting with her briefly throughout orientation. Come to think of it, each time we talked for the brief minute or two, she had first walked up to near where I was (she was never the one initiating though). It was never me who walked up to/approached her. When I think of it that way, it seems pretty promising - but the other half of me always tells me to quit the wishful thinking haha. Also it might be worth adding that each of our interactions were in the morning/noon (orientation was all day), and when I number closed it was late in the afternoon. Def a better idea to ask for the digits at the peak of an interaction - but each of our chats were so brief it was tough, so I had no choice but to ask for the digits because it was my last chance (literally, we were dismissed right after I asked lol). Maybe she felt it was kind of abrupt because we hadn't talked for a few hours? Dunno. She approached you? Huh, well there are varying ways of reading that. But a person doesn't come up to another if they are not curious about the other in any way, regardless of the original motive for doing so. Meh, there's not really anything wrong with wishful thinking, but just keep your rational sense in check especially in a circumstance like this one. That is why I say wait for evident things she does that portray no ambiguity, whether she does it in a friendly or "more-than-friendly" fashion. Overall, yeah from that vantage point (of her approaching you) it does seem somewhat promising. She very well could've thought it was abrupt or premature. That seems highly likely to me. Wouldn't you sort of do the same if you just merely had little blips of conversation with a person you just met? But, with that in retrospect now, if she's willing to give you her name to add on Facebook and then chat with you, that's definitely positive! I don't know women that well but I imagine not too many are going to be friendly and willing to chat to a guy they just met. I'm sure any girl will make it apparent if she's not interested and if she reciprocates in conversation and allows you to add her on FB, you can say she views you as a potential friend at least. But hey, that is a good starting place. Anyways I'm chatting her again - none of her answers are the single word "lol" reply etc... using hahas and smileys a lot (yes I know I am overevaluating this lol). Could just be a habit of hers, but hey she's replying each time. Seems promising, I should at least be able to make a friendship out of this. Sweet...Fully replies and carries the conversation? Be happy, it seems like she enjoys her chats with you, the next step (after some time passes obviously) is bringing those chat session out in person. Edited August 11, 2013 by Skyraider829 1
Author MightyPanda Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 Is she playing games with me? Sometimes she takes like 2-3 days to reply. She has an iPhone and at 18 I'm pretty sure she sees the message notifications lol (there's no "seen" timestamp on FB though). If she came up with short one worded answers when she did reply, I would assume she's not interested... but she doesn't - when she does reply they're sentences and she asks questions too. She is being straight up impossible to read. I jokingly called her out early on about taking so long to accept my request, and she replied that she rarely uses FB message - but come on now, college chicks are glued to their phones 24/7. Besides, you check FB and that red notification is pretty obvious. I'll admit I sometimes don't reply asap either so I look like I have a life, but not nearly as often as her. Are you playing mind games & trying not to look clingy either, or are you just afraid to turn a guy down? Wtf lol...
Skyraider829 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 (edited) Is she playing games with me? Sometimes she takes like 2-3 days to reply. She has an iPhone and at 18 I'm pretty sure she sees the message notifications lol (there's no "seen" timestamp on FB though). If she came up with short one worded answers when she did reply, I would assume she's not interested... but she doesn't - when she does reply they're sentences and she asks questions too. She is being straight up impossible to read. I jokingly called her out early on about taking so long to accept my request, and she replied that she rarely uses FB message - but come on now, college chicks are glued to their phones 24/7. Besides, you check FB and that red notification is pretty obvious. I'll admit I sometimes don't reply asap either so I look like I have a life, but not nearly as often as her. Are you playing mind games & trying not to look clingy either, or are you just afraid to turn a guy down? Wtf lol... Could she be playing games? I don't know - I find it a little hard to tell. She could be, but I choose to refrain from saying anything about it. Not every single college girl is glued on their phone - yeah a lot of them are, you could say the majority without a doubt. However, she might be an exception to the Facebooking masses. Here's my two cents: I would ignore the time frame. Yep, ignore it. Because if you are too focused on the time factor you are going to lead yourself into the pit of doubt regarding her potential interest in you, and this could cause you to misconstrue her delays in replying to you. She is replying to you. Like you say, they aren't single-word replies that would indicate curtness or anything similar. She inquires, that's undoubtedly good. Whatever you do, don't think of her romantically. Keep your intent civil for now until you two begin to know each other better in persona, have gotten comfortable and then, if you wish - you could attempt taking it further. But that should be kept for much later down the road. Don't get ahead of yourself. Why would she turn you down if you're only being friends? That's not requesting a date. If you're having doubts and you're analyzing this situation, you are bound to end up cherry-picking and finding something that to you, is "wrong" when she may mean absolutely nothing by it. Be aware of that. Edited August 17, 2013 by Skyraider829 1
Author MightyPanda Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) Welp she took a solid 5 days to reply this time. FB says she was active in the meantime, so I don't know what her deal is lol (the msg wasn't "seen" though so she must not have clicked on the notification). How long do I wait before replying? Heck I'm starting to think I should just pass on the FB chatting - she seemed comfortable talking over FB right off the bat, so I'm not sure we're progressing over text here (her replying once or twice a week doesn't help). I guess I can check back in with her in a month when we move in, to meet up. At least I should be able to gauge her interest easier in person, the second time around that is. Edited August 21, 2013 by MightyPanda
Skyraider829 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 Welp she took a solid 5 days to reply this time. FB says she was active in the meantime, so I don't know what her deal is lol (the msg wasn't "seen" though so she must not have clicked on the notification). Huh, who knows. Unless her friends have higher priority (that could be) over you, since you're the newbie on her page. If anything, send her a FB message once in a while like once per week. But don't message her up with something that could appear incorrect like "Why haven't you responded?" or something like it. Mingling in person ought to be the best way. Its much easier, you can read a lot more about her in person versus looking at computer script on Facebook that's being exchanged between two people with the occasional emoticon. 1
Author MightyPanda Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Two more weeks till we move in! Anyways just wanted to hear your guy's thoughts on something. So a couple weeks back I mentioned that she told me her dorm room #. If she'd tell me this, is it safe to assume she's cool with me visiting (visiting in a "civil" manner as Skyraider likes to call it haha)? Basically how this came up is: she asked me where I was dorming first. I said my hall name and room #, and told her to "hit me up" jokingly (deep down I was serious lol). She replied back with her hall (same hall) and room #, and added "i guess we will see each other around" or something like that. Subtle invitation possible? I've decided I have enough regrets for a lifetime from high school, so no more from here on out - and not giving this my best shot would probably end up becoming one heh.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Please see my signature line and read the article linked in it. In colleges and places with many young (< 35 ) single (as in not married or engaged or anything like that), and very mobile people hanging out without making long term commitments is the norm. Just try to hang out with this girl and assemble a circle of friends including many girls and boys. Do not focus so much on any one girl. Let people see that you are a person who knows how to make friends and influence people in a positive way. Be a fun guy to hang out with, not a guy desperate to have a girlfriend (in the sense of super serious committed relationship). Do not try to get a relationship per. se. as older people or people not in college think of the idea. Just hang out with this girl, and other girls and guys. You will find yourself drawn to a specific girl more than the others and she drawn to you, without trying very hard. In college your romantic relationships are those you hang out with and hook up with on a regular basis. My personal experiences with relationships in college and graduate school has been that the ones that last the longest and are the best are the ones where you just relax, hang out, have fun, and don't try to make it into something more. If it's meant to be something more it will just become that. i.e. Years ago I hung out with a girl in college on a regular basis. We fooled around in every way. Yet she would not date me. She would sit in my lap, id ask her out. She'd say no...then put my head under her shirt. Then we'd hang out and fool around some more. I am not the only one to notice things like this. Doc Love: Too Young Or Too Soon For Marriage? - AskMen (the gist of that is that dating is not really serious until over about 22. Younger than that and people don't know what they really want.) The Five Big Dating Mistakes of College Men | The Tao of Dating® by Dr. Ali Binazir (The gist of this one is that college age women are more likely to change their minds. Ambivalence is the norm. People learn and grow a great deal in college. The boy who looks cute and who is a good idea at 17-18, looks like a huge mistake at 21-22. In particular it puts into the correct perspective the idea of a boyfriend or girlfriend at that age.) The #1 Dating Mistake College Girls Make | The College Crush (The gist of this one is that one of the biggest mistakes young college women make in dating is dating the wrong guys. They date the idea of what they can make the man into not who he really is.) Do you know you're dating the wrong guy? | The College Crush (The gist of this is a list of signs that a young woman is dating the wrong guy. OP, young women look at pages like that and think things like that. ) A big reason for all the non committal behavior in college is simply that graduation is the biggest time to break up. Graduation: The killer of college relationships - The Independent Florida Alligator: Friday's Blogs TL;DR: Accept the FB request. Hang out with her friends. Then hook up with her if the opportunity arises. Whatever you do do not ask her for a relationship. It will only push her away. If she ask you for a relationship give it to her but don't become to attached. Just have fun and see where things go. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Damn college is like a sex cult. Don't get into deep debt man it's just a resume booster which I don't fully endorse. Don't go to grad school. Major in engineering. Better yet just be a programmer, mechanic, or some other job that doesn't require years of bs just to make it to 4 years of credit. I agree with this. Unless you are going into science, technology, engineering, math (STEM) or law, or teaching K-12 don't waste time with college. The only smart Poli-Sci major I ever knew did it to get a career in the millitary and he wanted to understand the reasons for the wars he would fight. Get a STEM pre law or teaching degree. Worry about finding that one special girl latter. Odds are like me you will meet more than one girl worth remembering (and this is from someone who is bisexual. If i can meet women anyone can.) 1
Author MightyPanda Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Thanks for all the advice guys, it means a lot to me! First mistake is you care too much about this girl. You care too much about if things are going to work out. This makes you afraid to screw things up. You were even so afraid of screwing things up you almost didn't want to add her to facebook. Think about that. You should have just been asking her out on facebook lol. You have her dorm number so yes show up there with beer or something good and make your moves. Second mistake you didn't hit on any other girls. I guess this kind of builds off your first mistake. Don't get tunnel vision for this one girl. I know how it is I'm the same way. You need to realize it's a bad thing to do. So be aggressive, don't worry about making them uncomfortable. Look them uncomfortable some times even. Definitely see what you're saying. Yup she was the only girl I hit on at orientation lol. It didn't help that right afterwards was 2 months of being at home & not much stuff to do/think haha. I'm hoping the grip of oneitis will loosen up once I get back on campus (big school - around 30k undergrads... so I think it should heh). Don't go to grad school. Major in engineering. Better yet just be a programmer, mechanic, or some other job that doesn't require years of bs just to make it to 4 years of credit. Unless you are going into science, technology, engineering, math (STEM) or law, or teaching K-12 don't waste time with college. The only smart Poli-Sci major I ever knew did it to get a career in the millitary and he wanted to understand the reasons for the wars he would fight. LOL well yikes... the plan is to major in Poli Sci and Journalism right now - and then go into law school. But I am being sure to keep my options open... so I will keep your guys' thoughts in mind! For those who don't wanna read through all 3 pages (I wouldn't wanna read it all if I were you lol) - here's an update: I added her/she accepted about a month ago, been chatting on and off since then & our interactions seem promising, she asks questions & replies to all of my replies, she gave me her dorm room # & the plan is to pop in when school starts.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 You're making a mistake with your major. Also I wouldn't recommend being a lawyer unless you want to either work 80 hours a week or become a government bureaucrat. Try to get a job as a paralegal or interning in the law like this year. See if you really like it. You see you went to college orientation and just thought about girls. You really should be thinking what can college offer me. . This OP. I am in school for a PhD now. Just got a MS and spent my 20's working towards this end because I really really LOVE my subject. It also happens to be one in which work is relatively easy to find. I have gotten job offers in my field based on my MS already and I am a multiple minority. Go to school for something you really love which also requires college. Being a paralegal requires a degree from community college. Being a lawyer requires passing the bar exam....not lawschool. People who have gone to jail and represented themselves to get out of jail did so by spending their days in the law libraries in prison. I know of a couple of Black criminal lawyers who started out that way. However, if you do go to college, pre-law, is a good way to go. Someone is always going to sue someone somewhere. By the way there were tons of girls you could have hit on this summer. You said you live by the college you could have drove over and hit on the girls taking summer school. You don't have to be taking a class to hit on college girls. . This is somewhat true but it really helps to be in the same classes as them. The two college relationships I have had with women all started because we shared a deep passion for science. OP if you are one of those who wants to meet a really significant other in college do it in classes on subjects you really care about. The colleges by here get public funding so the Library and campus is open to the public. I could go hit on college girls any time I want. 1
Author MightyPanda Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Alrighty well we moved in a few days ago (classes don't start for a couple days) and here's what happened. Like I said earlier she told me her room # over FB. I go down to her room with a friend, around half an hour before this social event our school had organized to welcome freshman thinking I could try to join up and go together. Her door is closed so I knock and little did I know it was her and 6 or 7 of her HS friends in there. Made it awkward right off the bat lol, I did my best to save things - introduced myself, shook hands with everyone, asked if they were headed to the social event and whatnot - she really didn't help the situation by just sitting there and not saying much lol. Well I was there for a few minutes and figured it was not my place to be - didn't know any of her friends and obviously still don't know her too well either. Asked my friend (who was standing in the doorway the whole time) about the situation and he said it was just really bad timing. I agree - and unfortunately now I can't venture down there again without things being very awkward again if all her friends are there, or me looking desperate if they aren't. Like you guys mentioned, meeting ppl in class/clubs will be much easier and less stressful (mutual interests + not having to go out of your own way to see them). What just bothers me here is she gave me legit contact info (FB/dorm # etc) and seemed a lot more open/inviting over FB, but in person (orientation & yesterday) she was much quieter and her facial expressions are somewhat indifferent/blank looking. I hate when things don't have a definitive ending - would rather she just tell me anything straightup. So do I just move on and if we bump in to each other (doubt it will be often) then chat her up - or if not, what do I do?
Lansing Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 You are putting too much effort/focus into this one girl and it is probably coming across that way. Forget about her, get out and meet new girls. 2
Author MightyPanda Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 I feel ya, I get the perception of me from y'all reading this thread would be one of desperation - I can see why haha. I tried hard to gauge my interactions with her to not lean that way though. But yeah I have met a lot of ppl actually (guys and girls), but meeting new girls especially has really helped me to forget about this chick. I think the main culprit here was she isn't super outgoing/extroverted and has a decent amount of friends from high school and is more comfortable with them (at least for now). We're in the same dorm so I imagine someday we'll bump into each other again and maybe that interaction will be a little more positive - but for now I have moved on.
ForgetMeNots Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 You are reading into things too much.Chat her up on facebook and if things happen,then it happens.If it doesn't then you still got your freedom and plenty of fish in the college sea.Just don't expect anything unless you both really start hitting it off. 1
mtber75 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 She probably wants to chat with you first before giving out her #. If you want to date her than ask her out for a coffee or something brief so you get to know her one on one. Give out your phone number also so that she knows that your being serious. Good Luck!
Author MightyPanda Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 Good for you for making a move! I'm a girl and she seems interested. The ball is in her court now If she doesn't come to you move on Thanks haha. I feel she is/was very mildly interested - but she is not interested enough or confident enough to come seek me out. I point towards confidence because I prob made relations very awkward when I went down to her room. I'm not sure she knew what to say, it was very sudden and the reality is we never knew each other too well. And with that in the immediate rearview mirror, I doubt she knows what to do (the ball is in her court as you said). Things didn't pan out but I appreciate the help everyone has given me in the thread - thanks y'all!
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