College orientation - asked for # ... got her FB?

[MightyPanda]

So I realize there are a couple similar threads on here - but I feel as if my situation is slightly more complicated? Or perhaps it is just my inner self hoping that there is more hope/potential in my instance.

 

Anyways there was this girl that I talked to a couple times throughout the day at college orientation. Each time was no more than around a minute though - mostly because she had a HS (girl) friend in our same orientation group (and I had a guy friend that I just met that I was with most of the day), and I didn't want to seem clingy or desperate.

 

During each interaction it seemed we were making quite a bit of eye contact, and she laughed at one or two things that I said. In hindsight I figure I should've done a few things differently, but that's another discussion. Anyways at the end of orientation I asked for her number and she said to just add her on FB. I looked up the name she gave at home and found her - but I'm a bit hesitant as to whether I should add her because of the advice given from similar titled threads around the webs, as well as because of some self-evaluation.

 

Part of me thinks we probably didn't interact enough and she didn't feel comfortable giving her number to me (yet?) - she did walk over to where I was a couple times with my friend (though I initiated the small talk each time) and we did make consistent eye contact. The other part of me says she was trying to be polite the whole time - including telling me to add her on FB - I don't think I made much of an impression honestly. The slight problem with the latter is we are probably going to end up at the same dorm hall - so if I choose the latter, obviously I would kill any potential contact... and I can only imagine how awkward it might be if I bumped into her at the dorms. What should I do? And if I do add her on FB, how do I initiate a conversation/what do I say?

 

I guess it wasn't an outright rejection... if so, you would think she would've tried to totally avoid me or seem entirely disinterested when we were chatting. But it definitely did not feel like a success either. Sorry if this went a little long - thanks in advance to anyone who gives out their opinion!

[fortyninethousand322]

Keep in contact via facebook. When school starts arrange to hang out.

 

I met a girl at my college orientation when I was a freshman (geez was it really 7 years ago? yikes!). But I made the mistake of never really following up with her.

 

I mean it probably would have gone nowhere anyway, but still. You have a better chance if you keep in touch. At least expand your social circle and make some friends.

[Skyraider829]

So I realize there are a couple similar threads on here - but I feel as if my situation is slightly more complicated? Or perhaps it is just my inner self hoping that there is more hope/potential in my instance.

 

Anyways there was this girl that I talked to a couple times throughout the day at college orientation. Each time was no more than around a minute though - mostly because she had a HS (girl) friend in our same orientation group (and I had a guy friend that I just met that I was with most of the day), and I didn't want to seem clingy or desperate.

 

During each interaction it seemed we were making quite a bit of eye contact, and she laughed at one or two things that I said. In hindsight I figure I should've done a few things differently, but that's another discussion. Anyways at the end of orientation I asked for her number and she said to just add her on FB. I looked up the name she gave at home and found her - but I'm a bit hesitant as to whether I should add her because of the advice given from similar titled threads around the webs, as well as because of some self-evaluation.

 

Part of me thinks we probably didn't interact enough and she didn't feel comfortable giving her number to me (yet?) - she did walk over to where I was a couple times with my friend (though I initiated the small talk each time) and we did make consistent eye contact. The other part of me says she was trying to be polite the whole time - including telling me to add her on FB - I don't think I made much of an impression honestly. The slight problem with the latter is we are probably going to end up at the same dorm hall - so if I choose the latter, obviously I would kill any potential contact... and I can only imagine how awkward it might be if I bumped into her at the dorms. What should I do? And if I do add her on FB, how do I initiate a conversation/what do I say?

 

I guess it wasn't an outright rejection... if so, you would think she would've tried to totally avoid me or seem entirely disinterested when we were chatting. But it definitely did not feel like a success either. Sorry if this went a little long - thanks in advance to anyone who gives out their opinion!

 

LOL, this is so similar to my situation - except she's going to college and I'm not, well not yet (possibly ERAU Daytona next year) but this girl I'm interested in lives just down the road from the house I live in. I don't know if you read my thread, but if you want to know my circumstance, just look for "Talking To A Shy Girl".

 

The only thing is, this girl (Sarah's her name) and I only chat when she's out on her walk with these two dogs and they are pleasant, but short little convo's ranging anywhere from two to maybe five minutes in duration. And there have been puzzling signals she's given me as well, but I just do not know how to take them, or if I'm interpreting them correctly.

 

As to answer your question about possible disinterest; I don't think she is really disinterested, as if she really were, I honestly wouldn't think she would even bother to ask you to add her on Facebook. At least she gave you something to contact her by, I would personally take that positively but of course, things like this are subjective in nature. But as a generalization, she must have some degree of interest. If she's willing to make eye contact and engage you in conversation (even one or two minute talks) then well, its difficult to to say because that can be considered "neutral" if you know what I mean. To provide an example, she could just be a slightly talkative person or she is interested but doesn't know quite what to say. Its that scenario where you both might have a mutual interest and thus, finding a subject to talk over can be a wee bit hard. She could be laughing because she finds you funny or enjoyable (there is a good chance if you are generally funny) or has a bubbly persona about her.

 

You're in a gray zone about this no doubt. You need to add her on FB, if she offered and you like her - then send the request, seal the deal. Wait a few days if you like, then ask her about starting school soon, what classes she's taking, what's her main interest and so on. Start with a casual and civil lead-in like how her day's going to begin. The first step is getting to know her and getting acquainted wither her. This where I'm at with the girl I like, and yeah it takes some guts but its necessary. You can't really go wrong in getting to know somebody on civil terms, right?

 

Keep your confidence up around her though and be a gentleman. Good luck!

Edited August 1, 2013 by Skyraider829

[eddyctv]

I'm not sure what the question is here...

[runningfar]

Her asking to add you to Facebook isn't super promising, but it doesn't necessarily mean death knell either. But, not friending her would be viewed negatively.

 

Just don't go crazy with the liking or compliment anything after you're added. That probably goes without saying, but guys often don't seem to get that's not a good in.

[Maleficent]

College orientation.

Was she first year? from out of town?

 

Cause then it could just mean she didn't get a change to get a phone yet...

 

I work in a university…kids move in on Labour day week end, week 101 starts (orientation activities that last a week) and classes start right in the middle of week 101…

Some aren't even unpacked by the end of the second week of class. lol

[MightyPanda]

Thank you for the advice everyone - I really appreciate it!!

 

I'm not sure what the question is here...

Just wondering what I should do next. Add her or not - and if add, what do I say to help my chances of ever meeting up with her again (as in to hang, not just a bump in in the halls)?

 

Was she first year? from out of town?

We're both incoming freshman. And no, she's from close by, same as myself.

 

 

I will take everyone's feedback to heart - for now I can only assume she just wasn't comfortable/knew me well enough to give a number. None of our interactions were more than surface level - talked about where we were from, our major, which dorms we applied to, etc.

[Skyraider829]

Definitely send the friend request, and try to talk with her more in person. Face to face communication is probably the best way to break the ice and maybe get to the point of where asking her to hang out with you will be more of mutual agreeance between you two rather than being a request from you.

[jakelongot]

My advice is to not over think it.

 

Add her on facebook. Tell her it was nice to meet her...you thought some thing you saw during orientation was cool...and you are really excited for the fall. That's it!

 

When you move in, make sure you find her and say hello. Then just take it from there.

 

The best advice I can give is to not worry about dating in college (at least freshman year). Too much of a hassle. You will meet new people and new girls every day. College is more about hanging out and hooking up rather than formal relationships

[RonaldS]

This is easy.

 

You're about to start college. Don't sweat any one girl. She's going to live in your dorm? Cool. You're probably going to eff around with half the girls on your floor. Maybe she'll be one of them. Maybe not. Won't matter. You're in college. Enjoy it.

[MightyPanda]

Well she accepted after a few days of wait lol.

 

Any more ideas on how to strike up an initial convo with her on FB? I'm usually pretty good with texting girls... whether it be telling a funny story or teasing - but since I'm not exactly sure what kind of impression I made, I'm a little apprehensive of my approach.

 

Should I be teasing her and acting like best buddies already (I like to exaggerate in IM/text), or should I still be trying to get to know her better (worried it'll be a tad boring)?

 

As for the advice about chasing girls freshman year, duly noted.

 

Thanks everyone!

[Skyraider829]

Well she accepted after a few days of wait lol.

 

Any more ideas on how to strike up an initial convo with her on FB? I'm usually pretty good with texting girls... whether it be telling a funny story or teasing - but since I'm not exactly sure what kind of impression I made, I'm a little apprehensive of my approach.

 

Should I be teasing her and acting like best buddies already (I like to exaggerate in IM/text), or should I still be trying to get to know her better (worried it'll be a tad boring)?

 

As for the advice about chasing girls freshman year, duly noted.

 

Thanks everyone!

 

 

I wouldn't think anything of the "few days of wait" if it were me. She could be busy. I don't check my FB every single day, and I'm sure many people don't either although some spend hours on it like they're trading options on the foreign exchange, LOL...

 

(I finally found the FB profile of the girl I talk to.)

 

Alright, she accepted your request - bravo! You are commended sir.

As for ideas? Hmmm, asking about the weather is dull and way too general, that just gets old and worn out big time. Perhaps you can try messaging her with a greeting in a foreign language? Shoot her something in Spanish, German or even Italian and see how she responds. Unless you know her ethnicity, you could probably peg her curiosity and then lead her into a nice, genuine chat over Facebook. I don't think you'll be in a position to be potentially apprehensive since there's nothing at stake by an intriguing lead-in, right?

 

And let her lead the conversation, remember to inquire and be interested with what she's telling / texting you. You undoubtedly will be, I'm just adding in my two cents worth.

 

About the best buddies act:

 

Eh, I would not go for the "best buddies" character right off the bat. Let it flow as you two progress in your interactions whether together in person or over the internet. Definitely be friendly, interested and conversational, yes. Just don't overcompensate. Be genuine and be yourself as that is very important.

 

Funny stories are always a positive thing, laughter and good feelings pull people together. Its a way of being quasi-intimate without the romance and all like in other scenarios.

Edited August 5, 2013 by Skyraider829

[MightyPanda]

Well everyone's advice is paying off so far! Things look decently promising... I just have to get over the insecure wuss mentality I had in HS I guess haha.

 

Had a chat with her over FB - she thanked me for adding her (why thank me? lol), made a couple smileys, and asked a few questions (fortunately... I wouldn't want to be the only one asking the questions, and have to force conversation). She told me her dorm room # also (we were just notified of this a few days ago) - which only makes it more confusing that she didn't give me her number. Decided not to ask for her number yet though, probably still a little soon.

 

It was only one chat though, so I'll stay cautiously optimistic for now. I'll update you guys if I need any more help, you all give great advice!

[Skyraider829]

Well everyone's advice is paying off so far! Things look decently promising... I just have to get over the insecure wuss mentality I had in HS I guess haha.

 

Had a chat with her over FB - she thanked me for adding her (why thank me? lol), made a couple smileys, and asked a few questions (fortunately... I wouldn't want to be the only one asking the questions, and have to force conversation). She told me her dorm room # also (we were just notified of this a few days ago) - which only makes it more confusing that she didn't give me her number. Decided not to ask for her number yet though, probably still a little soon.

 

It was only one chat though, so I'll stay cautiously optimistic for now. I'll update you guys if I need any more help, you all give great advice!

 

Yeah, its definitely time to drop the quote-unquote "insecure wuss mentality" since she is being reciprocal in your advances, albeit on Facebook, but either way, that is positive news so keep going in that direction for sure.

 

Huh, she gave you her dorm number but not the phone number? Kinda different...But that's encouraging, if she's telling you what dorm she's in then I would remain averse to assumption, but that is better than just a phone number. It seems more personable. Whether it be a phone number or dorm number, its great either way. But the latter seems affirmative.

 

Keep up the chats on FB. Eventually, hang with her in person and see if she'd like to get a drink with you. Conversations are convenient over the internet, but nothing beats the essence of a conversation in person with an interesting gal.

 

Please do keep everyone up to date on this scenario. I'll be following.

[eddyctv]

Well everyone's advice is paying off so far! Things look decently promising... I just have to get over the insecure wuss mentality I had in HS I guess haha.

 

Had a chat with her over FB - she thanked me for adding her (why thank me? lol), made a couple smileys, and asked a few questions (fortunately... I wouldn't want to be the only one asking the questions, and have to force conversation). She told me her dorm room # also (we were just notified of this a few days ago) - which only makes it more confusing that she didn't give me her number. Decided not to ask for her number yet though, probably still a little soon.

 

It was only one chat though, so I'll stay cautiously optimistic for now. I'll update you guys if I need any more help, you all give great advice!

 

You seem to be REALLY overthinking this!

 

My advice is: be funny and self-effacing. Dont be cautious...just run with it!

[PogoStick]

Shes probably nervous about starting college, and not thinking much about whether or not to date you. Easiest thing to do is get some group event going like going out for pizza, and invite her along.

 

FYI, living in the same dorm is actually a good thing. Dorm life is scandalous.

[eddyctv]

Shes probably nervous about starting college, and not thinking much about whether or not to date you. Easiest thing to do is get some group event going like going out for pizza, and invite her along.

 

FYI, living in the same dorm is actually a good thing. Dorm life is scandalous.

 

I would advise AGAINST this, unless you are confident enough to be the life of the group. The guy with the most personality will do all the talking - is that going to be you?

[MightyPanda]

Shes probably nervous about starting college, and not thinking much about whether or not to date you. Easiest thing to do is get some group event going like going out for pizza, and invite her along.

 

FYI, living in the same dorm is actually a good thing. Dorm life is scandalous.

Well we move into our dorms a couple days before classes start. Of course you can do whatever you want between then, but our school has this week long social gathering with a bunch of events, basically to welcome in the incoming class. I could always check in with her to see when she might be going and we could hang then - it'd definitely be more comfortable for her than being with a bunch of my own friends.

 

Which brings me to my next point - I'm kinda stuck in a grey zone right now...

 

The problem is we don't start school for another month and a half - and I'm use to building rapport in person (then use text to maybe accompany that in person interaction, or to build off of it).

 

Obviously there's not much rapport at this point, so it's probably too early to ask her to hang out (even w/ a group of friends). I want to get to know her and her interests better, but that seems like something that would be better done in person.

 

I'm not gonna constantly chat her just for the heck of it, especially when not enough of a foundation was built in person. So what should I do? Forget about her for now & mind the rest of my own summer and meet up with/get to know her when school starts in mid-September, or give texting a shot & try to build rapport/get to know her through that?

[eddyctv]

Well we move into our dorms a couple days before classes start. Of course you can do whatever you want between then, but our school has this week long social gathering with a bunch of events, basically to welcome in the incoming class. I could always check in with her to see when she might be going and we could hang then - it'd definitely be more comfortable for her than being with a bunch of my own friends.

 

Which brings me to my next point - I'm kinda stuck in a grey zone right now...

 

The problem is we don't start school for another month and a half - and I'm use to building rapport in person (then use text to maybe accompany that in person interaction, or to build off of it).

 

Obviously there's not much rapport at this point, so it's probably too early to ask her to hang out (even w/ a group of friends). I want to get to know her and her interests better, but that seems like something that would be better done in person.

 

I'm not gonna constantly chat her just for the heck of it, especially when not enough of a foundation was built in person. So what should I do? Forget about her for now & mind the rest of my own summer and meet up with/get to know her when school starts in mid-September, or give texting a shot & try to build rapport/get to know her through that?

 

Did you ever get her phone number?

 

Can you chat her up on FB?

[MightyPanda]

Did you ever get her phone number?

 

Can you chat her up on FB?

Nope not yet.

 

And yes. We had a pretty comfortable chat a few days ago, didn't get any bad vibes or anything. Got onto the topic of dorms and she told me that her roomie was a friend (some ppl get a rando roommate) - chose not to reply cause I didn't have anything worthwhile to say.

 

Chose not to ask for a # again, seeing as it was only our first chat since she turned me down for her digits. Still not sure why she did - she was comfortable enough to give a dorm room # over FB chat, so either she wanted to get to know me better first, or she prefers FB's convenience - which I doubt because she admitted to me over FB that she rarely uses FB chat lol.

[PogoStick]

I would advise AGAINST this, unless you are confident enough to be the life of the group. The guy with the most personality will do all the talking - is that going to be you?

 

One guy can't take all the girls. 3 guys, 3 girls, people naturally pair up.

[Skyraider829]

Well we move into our dorms a couple days before classes start. Of course you can do whatever you want between then, but our school has this week long social gathering with a bunch of events, basically to welcome in the incoming class. I could always check in with her to see when she might be going and we could hang then - it'd definitely be more comfortable for her than being with a bunch of my own friends.

 

Which brings me to my next point - I'm kinda stuck in a grey zone right now...

 

The problem is we don't start school for another month and a half - and I'm use to building rapport in person (then use text to maybe accompany that in person interaction, or to build off of it).

 

Obviously there's not much rapport at this point, so it's probably too early to ask her to hang out (even w/ a group of friends). I want to get to know her and her interests better, but that seems like something that would be better done in person.

 

I'm not gonna constantly chat her just for the heck of it, especially when not enough of a foundation was built in person. So what should I do? Forget about her for now & mind the rest of my own summer and meet up with/get to know her when school starts in mid-September, or give texting a shot & try to build rapport/get to know her through that?

 

I would be sort of perplexed as well. Building that foundation in person is important, since people can come off differently in person versus over a chat interface.

 

Then again, sometimes chatting / texting is a useful tool to some as it can be easier to openly discuss things, then when you do meet - you have a slightly more acquainted sense of the person. It can work either way of course.

 

I hope you don't mind my question, but what is it that you like so much about this girl?

And, what is she like - in personality?

[MightyPanda]

I hope you don't mind my question, but what is it that you like so much about this girl?

And, what is she like - in personality?

Haha good question... well what drew me to her initially was her appearance - no surprises there. She's really pretty - and imo it's not a personal taste thing, she's def attractive.

 

We signed up for the same orientation date (out of around 20 different dates), each orientation date of like 600 ppl got split into about 25 even smaller groups, and we both signed up for the same dorm hall as our top choice (out of 12 hall options) - I mean, what are the odds of that? I knew it was a chance for me to be confident and test my college game from day one, and that I'd regret it down the road if I didn't at least try to get to know her.

 

I wasn't getting any necessarily bad vibes during our interactions - until she brushed off my number close and told me to add her on FB - which made me a little insecure, which is why I ended up on here. I got mixed signals in person, but she seemed much more open over FB chat, so I figured I better keep at it until she straight up rejects me. Even if nothing relationship wise materializes, it can't hurt to have a good looking chick in your social/friend circle lol.

 

In terms of personality, she seems pretty easygoing and innocent. We share a few interests, so that of course draws me towards her as well.

[TB Rhine]

Just don't go crazy with the Liking or compliment anything after you're added. That probably goes without saying, but guys often don't seem to get that's not a good in.

 

This is good advice! I tend to go crazy with the Liking and commenting and such, because it just seems so idle to me, sitting at the computer and hitting the Like button, and I never thought about what it might look like to a girl when she comes home from work or whatever and sees, "TB Rhine liked your photo" in her News Feed 27,ooo times. Be judicious, and keep it to one or two contacts a day (that includes messages, calls, texts, Likes, comments, EVERYTHING). In this age of hyper-connectivity, it can be very easy to overwhelm someone and come across as over-eager without even realizing you're doing it.

[MightyPanda]

This is good advice! I tend to go crazy with the Liking and commenting and such, because it just seems so idle to me, sitting at the computer and hitting the Like button, and I never thought about what it might look like to a girl when she comes home from work or whatever and sees, "TB Rhine liked your photo" in her News Feed 27,ooo times. Be judicious, and keep it to one or two contacts a day (that includes messages, calls, texts, Likes, comments, EVERYTHING). In this age of hyper-connectivity, it can be very easy to overwhelm someone and come across as over-eager without even realizing you're doing it.

Yeah I've definitely been moderating my msgs to her on FB. Not much of a liker, but may have to get back into it on occasion to remind her of my existence lol.