xxoo Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 .The point remains that theres a very good reason sex educators and sexologists dont tell people to use the pull out method. The fact that I have women sitting here trying to defend pulling out is hilarious. Especially when Ive always heard women bash men for wanting to do the same thing. Planned Parenthood recommends it, especially along with other methods. It is more effective than the contraceptive sponge alone, for example. Still, NONE short of sterilization is 100%, so it is foolish to have intercourse if a pregnancy would be a tragedy.
Author kaylan Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) Planned Parenthood recommends it, especially along with other methods. It is more effective than the contraceptive sponge alone, for example. Still, NONE short of sterilization is 100%, so it is foolish to have intercourse if a pregnancy would be a tragedy. They recommend it WITH other methods. They do not recommend it alone, nor do any other reputable sex educators or sexologists.You can Google it. It's not obscure, hard to find info. You can also find, by doing a quick search, that pre-cum contains no sperm, and it was the pre-cum that was thought to be a problem in the past. Sex educators don't advise it because 1. It doesn't prevent STDs and 2. Young guys might be not know how to or be able to pull out effectively. Honestly, I wish the pull out method was less effective. Read the above. Im still not drinking your koolaid though, because its the koolaid of many the fool who ends up parenting kids they arent ready for nor can afford (im not specifically talking about you) If getting my tubes tied could be reversed, Id do it. And if I could afford to freeze my sperm and know itd be usable in several years, Id try that as well. My brother never wanted kids, so he got his tubes tied. Good for him I guess. Sucks now that Im the only boy left to pass on my grandpas blood =/ Edited August 2, 2013 by kaylan
iris219 Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 They recommend it WITH other methods. They do not recommend it alone, nor do any other reputable sex educators or sexologists. Read the above. Im still not drinking your koolaid though, because its the koolaid of many the fool who ends up parenting kids they arent ready for nor can afford (im not specifically talking about you) I would not recommend the pull out method to young people and I am not recommending it to you. The man has to know what he's doing or it won't be effective and it can spread STDs. It has worked for me, however, for many years, in my last three serious relationships.
xxoo Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I don't think anyone is trying to convince you (or anyone else) to use withdrawal. Just maybe understand the facts before insulting committed people who choose to use it? 1
Divasu Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 No I do not have frequent casual sex. Why do people keep assuming this? I just broach topics regarding casual sex sometimes because Ive had it in the past and may have it again in the future. And by casual, I dont mean sleeping around. Itd be a fwb arrangement with a girl I like and trust somewhat. I'm assuming based on things you've posted in your threads. My apologies if I am off base. Anywho, this topic seems out of place between two people having casual sex ('friends with benefits', is casual sex). Chances are, you're not going to be as involved in the child's life (hypothetically speaking, of course) as much as, say two people who are in a committed relationship or married... Child support wise, you're stuck either way. So, having a conversation about it beforehand, won't really protect you. You know full well the complications that can arise from it, so, like I said make sure you protect yourself by wearing a condom and asking the women if she's on birth control (which, she could lie about anyway). If you hypothetically get a woman pregnant and choose not to be a part of the pregnancy, birth, and care of the child, what she chooses to do at that point won't be up to you regardless.
Keenly Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 So, what do you intend to do? Based on what you've described, you only really have two logical choices: 1) Don't have intercourse at all until you're ready to have kids 2) Get a vasectomy Everything else, including condoms + pull-out + BC + whatever, is not going to guarantee that 'when kids come, it will solely be on your timeline'. Which one of these are you going to make or are suggesting that the OP make? Condoms prevent pregnancy in 99.99 percent of situations. Assuming they aren't tampered with. Problem solved. I'm not going to have surgery. I still have the freedom to make that choice. Whether you agree with it or not? Not my problem.
Author kaylan Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 I don't think anyone is trying to convince you (or anyone else) to use withdrawal. Just maybe understand the facts before insulting committed people who choose to use it? I know the facts. I know its a silly method most shouldnt use and thats why people are not told to use it alone without another method.I'm assuming based on things you've posted in your threads. My apologies if I am off base. Anywho, this topic seems out of place between two people having casual sex ('friends with benefits', is casual sex). Chances are, you're not going to be as involved in the child's life (hypothetically speaking, of course) as much as, say two people who are in a committed relationship or married... Child support wise, you're stuck either way. So, having a conversation about it beforehand, won't really protect you. You know full well the complications that can arise from it, so, like I said make sure you protect yourself by wearing a condom and asking the women if she's on birth control (which, she could lie about anyway). If you hypothetically get a woman pregnant and choose not to be a part of the pregnancy, birth, and care of the child, what she chooses to do at that point won't be up to you regardless. I know I seem like a slut sometimes, but Im really not. I could be though, but Im too paranoid for that. And Id end up like one girl too much before I had the chance to rush on to another one.
Keenly Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 You are not really suggesting thatvl because I made the choice to not have kids until at least 35 , that I should get a vasectomy at 23 are you? Ludicrous. The equivalent of having your breasts removed because you want to use formula.
Author kaylan Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 I'm assuming based on things you've posted in your threads. My apologies if I am off base. Anywho, this topic seems out of place between two people having casual sex ('friends with benefits', is casual sex). Chances are, you're not going to be as involved in the child's life (hypothetically speaking, of course) as much as, say two people who are in a committed relationship or married... Child support wise, you're stuck either way. So, having a conversation about it beforehand, won't really protect you. You know full well the complications that can arise from it, so, like I said make sure you protect yourself by wearing a condom and asking the women if she's on birth control (which, she could lie about anyway). If you hypothetically get a woman pregnant and choose not to be a part of the pregnancy, birth, and care of the child, what she chooses to do at that point won't be up to you regardless. And let me add, Though I dont want a kid, Im not a deadbeat. Little kids need a good dad. Id be around, and Id share custody, but I wouldnt date the mom just because she had my child. Id need to have truly deep feelings for her that are separate from my child.
hoping2heal Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 I wasnt judging your situation. I was judging the mindset that the pull method can be used as birth control. I needed to add this for anyone reading the thread and considering the pull-out method. Men have something called cowper glands. The cowper glands secrete a substance to lubricate the penis in preparation to ejaculate, among the substances is none other than those famous little x and y zygotes. It's also why many a person scratches their head in wonderment that a pregnancy occured when an inside ejaculation never had. There's little to anything sound about using the pull out method, don't do it people!
RedRobin Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) Kaylan, a few questions... 1. Do you want kids someday? 2. Is it important that the kid be yours or come from your body? Because if the answer is no, and you are worried about it, then there is no reason why you couldn't consider vasectomy. I got my tubes tied at a fairly young age because I knew that if I ever did want kids, I'd be 100% ok with adopting. More than ok. I'd prefer to adopt. Too many kids need good homes. I also could go the artificial insemination routine... It was VERY important to me not to have an accident. FYI, my dad got a vasectomy at a young age... shortly after he and my mom had me and my sis. They tell me there have never been any issues at all. Edited August 2, 2013 by RedRobin
Keenly Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Kaylan, a few questions... 1. Do you want kids someday? 2. Is it important that the kid be yours or come from your body? Because if the answer is no, and you are worried about it, then there is no reason why you couldn't consider vasectomy. I got my tubes tied at a fairly young age because I knew that if I ever did want kids, I'd be 100% ok with adopting. More than ok. I'd prefer to adopt. Too many kids need good homes. I also could go the artificial insemination routine... It was VERY important to me not to have an accident. FYI, my dad got a vasectomy at a young age... shortly after he and my mom had me and my sis. They tell me there have never been any issues at all. This is a man / woman thing. Vasectomies bother guys. Just freaky. A lot of us view it as just ..... no. Almost a castration. No one should ever be told to consider something they don't want to do . If a girl is pregnant and isn't ready, she should have no problem getting an abortion right ? Its the same thing. Our bodies, our choice. Same for you guys.
Author kaylan Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 Kaylan, a few questions... 1. Do you want kids someday?Possibly, but Im undecided at the moment. Im still growing and living life right now, so I cant exactly say. 2. Is it important that the kid be yours or come from your body? Because if the answer is no, and you are worried about it, then there is no reason why you couldn't consider vasectomy. If I did have kids, Id prefer that they be genetically my children. However, if I dont meet the right woman by a certain age, Im willing to adopt. I dont think Ill ever get my tubes tied. It was just a thought, especially since my brother did it. I dont have the money for that, nor the money to freeze sperm. I got my tubes tied at a fairly young age because I knew that if I ever did want kids, I'd be 100% ok with adopting. More than ok. I'd prefer to adopt. Too many kids need good homes. I also could go the artificial insemination routine...Sound like my kind of girl. Very practical and you plan ahead. Id be ok with adopting as I said, but its not my first choice if I decide to have kids. That blood bound is a strong emotional one, even though Id still love my adopted kids a lot. And when a woman gets her tubes tied, she still has eggs? I didnt know that. Thats great you can still have genetic children. It was VERY important to me not to have an accident. FYI, my dad got a vasectomy at a young age... shortly after he and my mom had me and my sis. They tell me there have never been any issues at all. Yeah, if anything, Id probably get the surgery after I have kids. I figure I want 2 or 3 at the most, and then Id tie things up to prevent accidents. 3 would be nice, but 2 is ok too if I dont have the finances or will for a 3rd in the future. I know raising kids will be tough work, and I may be tuckered out after the 2nd. I always said 2 was the minimum if I had kids so my child didnt have to grow up alone.
Els Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) Condoms prevent pregnancy in 99.99 percent of situations. Assuming they aren't tampered with. Problem solved. I'm not going to have surgery. I still have the freedom to make that choice. Whether you agree with it or not? Not my problem. Firstly, you're making the 99.99 figure up. If that's what you need to think to feel reassured, go ahead, but stop quoting made-up figures as fact. The only birth control method that is actually 99.99% effective is a vasectomy/tubal ligation. Do a quick Google search, if you don't believe me. Secondly, I don't think you get my point. My point is that I don't give a damn whether or not you use condoms or get a vasectomy or don't - but your reasoning for all of it is messed up. And worse, you're propagating false statements that could seriously harm others if they listen to you. Condoms do not guarantee that you will 'only have kids on your timeline', period. Anyone who believes that is delusional. Also, using condoms solely because you 'don't trust the girl you're with' is a really bad reason - if you don't trust them, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them. Plenty of men do use condoms, and they do reduce the risk significantly, especially in combination with other contraceptive methods. Nothing wrong with using condoms. But there is still a risk of pregnancy, and if you're going into it with the 'I don't trust her so I'll use condoms and that means I'll NEVER impregnate her' mentality, you're just going to get burned. Obviously, you have the freedom to choose to continue thinking that way. Edited August 2, 2013 by Elswyth
FitChick Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 This is a man / woman thing. Vasectomies bother guys. Just freaky. A lot of us view it as just ..... no. Almost a castration. Then I wonder why vasectomy is the top birth control choice for highly educated, financially successful men. It's the poor, illiterates that keep reproducing.
sweetjasmine Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 And when a woman gets her tubes tied, she still has eggs? I didnt know that. Thats great you can still have genetic children. Yes, the ovaries continue to produce egg cells, but since the Fallopian tubes have been severed/clamped/cauterized/blocked, the cell can't make it into the uterus and simply gets absorbed by the body. Women who have had tubal ligations still menstruate and still ovulate. In fact, they're at a much higher risk for ectopic pregnancies than women who haven't had the surgery, and the risk increases as time passes. The two pieces of the tube can grow and reconnect or a fistula can form, and the openings produced are often large enough for sperm to travel up but too small to let the egg cell through into the uterus.
RedRobin Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) 1. Still menstruate and ovulate.... Yep, absolutely. All I would need is someone to help 'jump the tracks' (ie span the gap in my fallopian tubes). In other words, I'm still able to give birth to my own genetic children should I want to. 2. Yes, my OB/GYN informed me of the risk of ectopic pregnancy. HOWEVER... this is only the case in situations where the fallopian tubes were merely 'snipped'... She wisely informed me that mine was not reversible. She not only cut mine, but took a chunk out and cauterized the ends. My risk of ectopic pregnancy is actually lower now than the general population because of how she did the surgery. I must add though, for anyone reading THIS IS MAJOR SURGERY for a woman. There are some procedures where you can access from inside the vagina/uterus, but that is much harder to get to the 'goods'. The best way is through a very small incision (less than an inch) just above the pubic bone that requires they cut through the abdominal muscle. They had me on morphine for two days, and a morphine substitute for a week. Just FYI. ... If we desire population control, it is much better if men get vasectomies. It is minor surgery with minimal complications... short term and long term. ... and for guys who equate that with 'castration'... um, go get informed please, OK? My dad is up there in years and he and my mom still make monkey love on the reg. Maybe because they didn't have to worry about having more kiddos all those years?? Edited August 2, 2013 by RedRobin
Author kaylan Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 (edited) ^Has this procedure done anything to your sex drive? Im not too knowledgeable about these surgeries...but there are no severing ties or removal of organs that supply the body with needed hormones for sex drive and basic everyday function is there? Also, I think thats why some guys think of male tube tying as castration. Some think they would be losing testosterone. But thats not what happens, though some guys do get a dip in sex five. Ive read its under 10% though. Edited August 2, 2013 by kaylan
RedRobin Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 ^Has this procedure done anything to your sex drive? Im not too knowledgeable about these surgeries...but there are no severing ties or removal of organs that supply the body with needed hormones for sex drive and basic everyday function is there? Also, I think thats why some guys think of male tube tying as castration. Some think they would be losing testosterone. But thats not what happens, though some guys do get a dip in sex five. Ive read its under 10% though. I've never heard of a guy's sex drive going down because of a vasectomy. Mine went up since I stopped having to worry about pregnancy.
Divasu Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 And let me add, Though I dont want a kid, Im not a deadbeat. Little kids need a good dad. Id be around, and Id share custody, but I wouldnt date the mom just because she had my child. Id need to have truly deep feelings for her that are separate from my child. That's a very mature view to have and quite appropriate.
BluEyeL Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Because dudes always get taken to court once the woman realizes she cant manage the child on her own financially. And definitely cannot have any kind of life outside of working or taking care of the kid if the child never stays with its father. Any girl saying the guy could bail would have her tune change once she realizes how broke shed be and how shed have literally no social life raising a kid by herself. I guess that's true, especially for younger women, yes. And it's never easy to be a parent, especially hard to be a single parent. Personally, I raise a child 100% on my own, but I don't flinch paying for childcare so I can have a social life, and I make six figures, so I can pay for everything and save some money too. So I guess it goes differently for a career woman over 30 (ish) than for a girl in her 20s with no financial security. And it's harder to have a social life when you have an young child, but lateri it does get much easier. So have sex with women over 30 who have careers Some look young and are in good shape.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 To answer your first question, never have sex without a condom even if the girl says she's on the pill. Chances are the pill might fail, so wearing a condom is better than nothing. Besides, my guesses are, men often often forgo wearing it because they don't like the tight feeling or they prefer sex raw. For the sake of feeling good for a few minutes, they're usually the ones ending up being daddies in the coming year. As for a pregnancy talk, if you're having sex with ONSs, I don't think that talk will ever come up. However if you're having sex with a girlfriend, I think most girls already have a clear head on their shoulders to seek out protection. And bring it up early in the relationship so there are no surprises on the way. For me, I brought it up with my boyfriend early. I told him I wasn't on the pill and condom was necessary for every time we have sex. He's very understanding and knows that we're not ready for children, so even with a condom, he also pulls out.
setsenia Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I definitely think being on equal ground with this subject is essential. My husband and I had this talk long ago. A lot of people don't do this until it's too late and thus their subject becomes more along the lines of "I'm pregnant, what are we going to do?" I think once you are official and in a long term relationship, this definitely needs to be discussed. I could not continue with a man who doesn't share the same beliefs as I do.
iKING Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 I don't really do the talk thing. That's a boner killer if ever there was one. I make sure she's on the pill and I still use a rubber. I like when both parties take steps to prevent kids and it's not solely on the man. You've been formatting your text like I do. I don't hate it. I also agree with your point, however, the parties involved are "adults", I'm fairly sure talks about prevention could be had if need be without it getting weird. A hook-up? Yeah, it would probably be weird. A relationship? Please, you're going to be talking about stranger crap. 3
rainfall Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Planned Parenthood recommends it, especially along with other methods. It is more effective than the contraceptive sponge alone, for example. Still, NONE short of sterilization is 100%, so it is foolish to have intercourse if a pregnancy would be a tragedy. I disagree. If someone never wants kids you are suggesting they never have sex and therefore never be in a committed relationship or get married? If getting pregnant would be a tragedy the woman or man should make sure there are two different types of birth control being used and they should at least discuss what they would do if a pregnancy happened with their partner.
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