When and how do you broach the "what if you/I get pregnant?" topic?

[Keenly]

Yup...because that ONE woman who lied to you means that ALL women lie and can't be trusted.

 

Seems legit.

 

To be honest I really don't care about the amount of women that do it, because the bottom line is that it happens. You can not argue that it doesn't happen, because that's not reality.

 

 

Do not trust a woman's words on this topic, because like some one already said, they WILL "change their mind" because the mans opinion, wants, desires, goals, ambitions etc do not matter one little bit once that woman becomes pregnant. You become useless.

 

 

Men, take it into your own hands. If she starts complaining about how she is tired of condoms , or whatever, too god damn bad. If she tries the "oh it won't happen" or the "I'm on the pill so its okay" BS, you still keep the control of this situation , because at the end of the day, you are the one who gets screwed by this .

 

 

And yeah I did almost have a kid. The universe had different plans I guess.

[Drseussgrrl]

To be honest I really don't care about the amount of women that do it, because the bottom line is that it happens. You can not argue that it doesn't happen, because that's not reality.

 

 

Do not trust a woman's words on this topic, because like some one already said, they WILL "change their mind" because the mans opinion, wants, desires, goals, ambitions etc do not matter one little bit once that woman becomes pregnant. You become useless.

 

 

Men, take it into your own hands. If she starts complaining about how she is tired of condoms , or whatever, too god damn bad. If she tries the "oh it won't happen" or the "I'm on the pill so its okay" BS, you still keep the control of this situation , because at the end of the day, you are the one who gets screwed by this .

 

 

And yeah I did almost have a kid. The universe had different plans I guess.

 

Wow. I'm glad my BF and I have more trust with each other than this.

[bentleychic]

I never had an official talk with someone before engaging in intercourse. I always looked at it as if you are going to engage in intercourse with a woman then you better be prepared for any of the possible outcomes. In the end being that it is her body she will and does get the final say.

 

A big reason why I only had sex with those whom I cared for.

 

Perfect!

 

BF and I had that talk before we became intimate, agreed on birth control and discussed what we both felt about pregnancy and what would take place if one happened. Thankfully, we are both 100% on the same page about it.

 

Before I go to the dr. to get birth control, we rediscuss the issue again. He even went on the birth control web sites and did his own research.

[sweetkiwi]

Wow. I'm glad my BF and I have more trust with each other than this.

And I bet he's glad you'd never do something like that to him.

 

My mom is the kind of woman who got knocked up to "keep" a man. And I have a friend who stopped taking birth control so she could get pregnant and "keep" her man.

 

It happens. I also had an ex of mine try to impregnate me to "keep" me.

 

EVERYONE should take responsibility for their own birth control and health. Regardless of gender.

[Drseussgrrl]

And I bet he's glad you'd never do something like that to him.

 

My mom is the kind of woman who got knocked up to "keep" a man. And I have a friend who stopped taking birth control so she could get pregnant and "keep" her man.

 

It happens. I also had an ex of mine try to impregnate me to "keep" me.

 

EVERYONE should take responsibility for their own birth control and health. Regardless of gender.

 

Well - in all fairness we're both at the age where if it did happen, we wouldn't care too much anyway.

[hoping2heal]

The talk comes before any sex whatsoever. Can't have the talk? Well, number one sign from the universe we don't need to be having sex. Can't figure out how I would raise a kid with you in the event it happens? Number 2 sign we don't need to be having sex. Now, you can imagine that would narrow down ones pool of prospects but pregnancy comes out of having sex and there's always a risk. That's reality and I'm not about to be baby momma to joe blow somebody. I've made it this far childless and *knock on wood* until we're ready to have children we won't be having any. I love children and have always wanted my own, but I have this crazy notion that before you go around putting children into the world you should have your own two feet planted firmly on the ground and also have a way of supporting them and that goes for both Parents. Granted they always say you can never "afford" kids but..you know.

[Keenly]

Wow. I'm glad my BF and I have more trust with each other than this.

 

I used to trust too. Until I almost got screwed over / trapped into a pregnancy.

 

Now , be cause of the experiences I have had in life, I have made the choice to never trust my future solely in the hands of another person ever again. I will control my destiny. If kids are coming, they will be on my timeline, when I am ready.

 

 

I don't really understand why I'm being looked at like the bad guy, everyone wins in my scenario. No unplanned pregnancy, no single mom in my scenario. I think you guys just don't like my delivery, rather than the content of what I am saying.

[FitChick]

Unfortunately I cannot take hormonal birthcontrol, and my uterus is too small for a copper IUD. So I always use condoms and buy special ones myself because I have an allergy to latex.

You have other choices like contraceptive foam, contraceptive inserts or a diaphragm.

 

People who don't want kids should have a vasectomy or tubal ligation. Saves lots of money and stress in the long run. If you can't afford it and are a woman and have always had "female trouble" you might be able to get a hysterectomy and have the insurance company pay for it. I've had one and wished I'd had it done years sooner but had no insurance. Every woman I know who has had a hysterectomy has loved the freedom afterward. It wasn't as scary an op as I had feared. Very little pain.

[bentleychic]

 

Do not trust a woman's words on this topic, because like some one already said, they WILL "change their mind" because the mans opinion, wants, desires, goals, ambitions etc do not matter one little bit once that woman becomes pregnant. You become useless.

 

If you cannot trust a woman's words on this topic, you cannot trust her and shouldn't be bedding her to begin with.

[Keenly]

If you cannot trust a woman's words on this topic, you cannot trust her and shouldn't be bedding her to begin with.

 

And we don't live in should land.

 

Its awesome if you guys want to be trusting, with anyone, big small man woman whatever, but I have been screwed over too many times by too many people I trusted to not take my life into my own hands and accept responsibility for myself and my actions so that if I get screwsed, I have no one to blame but myself. I've been let down way too many times to let some one else make decisions for me.

[stillafool]

If you cannot trust a woman's words on this topic, you cannot trust her and shouldn't be bedding her to begin with.

 

I think it is more her emotions that he can't trust. Women are known to change their minds (about aborting it) once they become pregnant.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I'm in a new (seven weeks) relationship and we discussed this about a week ago... it just kinda came up in conversation what we'd both want to happen if I were to get pregnant. I said that I had nothing morally wrong with abortion but ever since I became an Auntie a few years ago I didn't feel as though I could go through with one anymore and I would likely keep the child whatever my scenario (I'm aware that this would be an emotionally-driven decision and not a rational one). He said that having grown up in poverty, given the fact that we are both absolutely destitute right now and haven't been dating long he'd want me to have a termination, as in a few years time we'd be in so much of a better place to give a baby a decent life.

 

It was one of those discussions I almost wish we'd never had, because there's no way we'd be able to agree if it did happen, one of us would have to capitulate to the other. But it definitely highlighted our need to make sure we continue to stay on top of contraception (we do use protection), as something like an unplanned pregnancy would be a disaster right now.

[kaylan]

I'm a gentlemen so I always offer to pay for the pregnancy test.

Speaking of paying, I did pay for the Plan B pill after the condom slipped off inside of this girl I was seeing last fall. She felt all bad that she didnt have cash to chip in, but I wouldnt have let her pay anyways seeing as shes still finishing up school and needs the cash.

[kaylan]

Stop judging, please. I'm 29, a professional woman, and capable of sustaining a child by myself if it came to that. It's not like we were two ignorant teenagers. We simply accepted the risk that went along with what we were doing. Why does that bother you?

 

Funny thing is? Many long-term relationships use pull-out as their main contraception method. We actually did it without pregnancy for over 6 months, before we decided to stop pulling out altogether. Nothing wrong so long as you're informed, ready and able to accept the consequences of your actions.

Oh grow a pair.

 

I wasnt judging your situation. I was judging the mindset that the pull method can be used as birth control.

 

Its idiotic and most people will agree with that. Its good you ended up wanting a kid later, but that doesnt change the fact that pulling out is a stupid form of birth control. Any well informed person would laugh at this idea that pulling out is a reliable birth control method.

 

May I direct you to pregnancy statistics showing its failure? Its not as if we all havent heard stories of people getting pregnant after trying that.

What you quoted doesn't suggest she'd have an abortion. It says she's not trying to get pregnant, but how women react when they actually find out their pregnant is often very different.

 

Are you honestly saying that you confirm with a girl that she'd have an abortion prior to having sex with her? I just don't believe that. I just don't.

And yes, with some women I can confirm that they will not be having kids anytime soon. Some girls dont flip flop on that. I dated such a girl last year and have a friend like this as well.

 

And regarding the girl I had the ONS with. I specifically said I wasnt directly quoting her. But the conversation did entail her saying she wouldnt have a kid under any circumstances during that time as she wants to enjoy her youth. She made a quick remark and we went on to hooking up.

 

No biggie.

And you do realize that whatever a woman tells you, she's free to change her mind...right?

Apparently you were too lazy to read the OP, where I clearly said this.

Yup...because that ONE woman who lied to you means that ALL women lie and can't be trusted.

 

Seems legit.

Its smart advice he gave. Too many men have been screwed over when it comes to birth control. Which is why all dudes need to be responsible for themselves. Hell, if there was safe hormonal BC available for men, Id take it in a heartbeat.

 

Hell, my friend was telling me about a time this girl he was hooking up with was trying to convince him to have sex without a condom. And she actually got offended and said something snarky to him when he said he wouldnt go raw. And guess who had a kid fresh out of college? Seems like she trapped some dude....because why on earth would she be running around trying to convince men to do that?

 

Keenly had a point. Not all ladies are angels, nor do all tell the truth. Which is why dudes have to be responsible for themselves. Same advice applies to ladies when sleeping with men.

I honestly don't understand where all this animosity toward single mothers and oopsie pregnancies is coming from lately on LS.

 

Last I checked, men, these women aren't getting pregnant on their own.

I direct my feelings towards both the men and women.

Plenty of single parents out there doing great jobs, raising their kids, and still having a social life. And are VERY happy.

 

It's not easy, but unless you've had your own kids and can relate to the joys of being a parent, then you won't understand.

I have a different kind of joy; independence

Edited August 1, 2013 by kaylan

[Star Gazer]

One woman's conversation with you doesn't mean that every woman you've slept with would abort, nor does it mean than no woman would change her mind.

[kaylan]

And I bet he's glad you'd never do something like that to him.

 

My mom is the kind of woman who got knocked up to "keep" a man. And I have a friend who stopped taking birth control so she could get pregnant and "keep" her man.

 

It happens. I also had an ex of mine try to impregnate me to "keep" me.

 

EVERYONE should take responsibility for their own birth control and health. Regardless of gender.

This. This. This.

 

And I would tell any girl, be she my gf or fwb. Having a child with you will have no bearing on whether or not I decide to be with you. Caring for you or not, and loving you or not, will determine if I will be your man. So girls will know from the jump that getting themselves pregnant wont keep me around on its own.

Well - in all fairness we're both at the age where if it did happen, we wouldn't care too much anyway.

I think he'd care if you did it to trap him. But some guys never find out when some women do this. The things I hear from people and read online really makes it so I cannot trust a woman when it comes to birth control. And rightly so, as I should be responsible for myself.

One woman's conversation with you doesn't mean that every woman you've slept with would abort, nor does it mean than no woman would change her mind.

When did I freaking say that? READ THE OP, I said its to be expected that many women will change their minds once pregnant. Youre arguing against something I never stated.

[iris219]

Thats all well and dandy, but I really wish people would stop going raw and using the pull out method as birth control. Granted you did try to have a child later, its just that too many people actually use that method when they do not want to have kids at all and arent prepared for them either.

 

I've used the pull out method for around 10 years. No accidents. I just talked to a coworker who has used it for 8 years with her husband, successfully.

 

Do some research. If done correctly, the pull out method is very, very effective. There is no viable, if any, sperm in pre-cum. Problems arise when guys don't pull out in time, but that's not the pull out method.

 

I know more people who've gotten pregnant while using the pill or condoms than I do those who pull out.

 

I would not, however, recommend using this method unless you are in a committed relationship and have been tested for STDs.

[Els]

I used to trust too. Until I almost got screwed over / trapped into a pregnancy.

 

Now , be cause of the experiences I have had in life, I have made the choice to never trust my future solely in the hands of another person ever again. I will control my destiny. If kids are coming, they will be on my timeline, when I am ready.

 

 

I don't really understand why I'm being looked at like the bad guy, everyone wins in my scenario. No unplanned pregnancy, no single mom in my scenario. I think you guys just don't like my delivery, rather than the content of what I am saying.

 

So, what do you intend to do? Based on what you've described, you only really have two logical choices:

 

1) Don't have intercourse at all until you're ready to have kids

2) Get a vasectomy

 

Everything else, including condoms + pull-out + BC + whatever, is not going to guarantee that 'when kids come, it will solely be on your timeline'.

 

Which one of these are you going to make or are suggesting that the OP make?

Edited August 1, 2013 by Elswyth

[Star Gazer]

When did I freaking say that? READ THE OP, I said its to be expected that many women will change their minds once pregnant. Youre arguing against something I never stated.

 

I asked you if you have a conversation about ABORTION with each and every woman before you sex her, and you gave me ONE example of a conversation with a "very liberal, career driven, pro choice girl" you had a ONS with. Then you went on to say that some women won't flip flip on the "what would you do?" answer.

 

This proves that (1) you DON'T confirm what each woman would do before you sex her, and (2) some women DO change their mind.

 

As such, don't stick it in unless you're prepared to be a baby daddy. Period. Asking about birth control or what a woman would do in a vacuum proves nothing and gets you nowhere

 

Also, you're getting pretty defensive and angry. Chill out.

[Divasu]

OP, you seem to engage in frequent casual sex, so just continue to wear a condom and wear a dental dam if you go downtown. Any pregnancy discussions I've had, as a "what if", occurred within a long term committed relationship.

[sdraw108]

I imagine it would be rather terrifying for a man in a casual relationship to impregnate someone. And have to have that person in their life basically forever.

 

Yes. But it's also rather terrifying to imagine accidentally fathering a child and then abandoning it. There's no way I could bring myself to do that.

[kaylan]

OP, you seem to engage in frequent casual sex, so just continue to wear a condom and wear a dental dam if you go downtown. Any pregnancy discussions I've had, as a "what if", occurred within a long term committed relationship.

No I do not have frequent casual sex. Why do people keep assuming this? I just broach topics regarding casual sex sometimes because Ive had it in the past and may have it again in the future. And by casual, I dont mean sleeping around. Itd be a fwb arrangement with a girl I like and trust somewhat.

 

Not a fan of dental dams btw lol. Dont know any girls who are either. And its not like Im going down on girls I meet day one.

I've used the pull out method for around 10 years. No accidents. I just talked to a coworker who has used it for 8 years with her husband, successfully.

 

Do some research. If done correctly, the pull out method is very, very effective. There is no viable, if any, sperm in pre-cum. Problems arise when guys don't pull out in time, but that's not the pull out method.

 

I know more people who've gotten pregnant while using the pill or condoms than I do those who pull out.

 

I would not, however, recommend using this method unless you are in a committed relationship and have been tested for STDs.

Wheres your research? Find me a link from a reputable source that advises using the pull out method. Can you? And btw, this thread isnt really about committed relationships.

 

Anyways, anecdotes regarding the pull out method dont discount the fact that its dumb for birth control, and that almost all sex educators advise against it when trying to avoid pregnancy.

Edited August 2, 2013 by kaylan

[xxoo]

Here's a chart of birth control effectiveness on the Planned Parenthood website. When used correctly, withdrawal (pull out) has an effectiveness similar to condoms.

 

The take home message is that NONE of the birth control methods is 100%, and some are far less than 100% effective.

 

Personally, I refrained from intercourse until we were ready to accept the possibility of a baby, even though we didn't plan and have our first baby until many years later.

[kaylan]

I asked you if you have a conversation about ABORTION with each and every woman before you sex her, and you gave me ONE example of a conversation with a "very liberal, career driven, pro choice girl" you had a ONS with. Then you went on to say that some women won't flip flip on the "what would you do?" answer.

READ THE OP AGAIN. The abortion and kids topic comes up with women I date because we have time before sex to actually talk. Read the OP and my following posts over the first two pages....where do I ever say that I do not broach the topic early? I in fact agree with a poster that I usually talk about these things after oral, but before intercourse.

 

I dont sleep with them on the initial meetings like I did with my ONS. The reason I spent so much time talking about my ONS is because you kept making stupid assumptions about what I talk about before sex. You have a habit of coming into thread and putting words into peoples mouths.

This proves that (1) you DON'T confirm what each woman would do before you sex her, and (2) some women DO change their mind.

1. Yes I do, read the OP and my posts on pages 1 and 2.

 

2. I said women can change their mind in the OP. Reading the original post thoroughly and with comprehension is helpful before replying to a thread.

As such, don't stick it in unless you're prepared to be a baby daddy. Period. Asking about birth control or what a woman would do in a vacuum proves nothing and gets you nowhere

 

Also, you're getting pretty defensive and angry. Chill out.

Who wouldnt get defensive when someone puts words in their mouths and makes assumptions? Who wouldnt be defensive in replying to someone who continues to miss the things one said in their original post.

Here's a chart of birth control effectiveness on the Planned Parenthood website. When used correctly, withdrawal (pull out) has an effectiveness similar to condoms.

 

The take home message is that NONE of the birth control methods is 100%, and some are far less than 100% effective.

 

Personally, I refrained from intercourse until we were ready to accept the possibility of a baby, even though we didn't plan and have our first baby until many years later.

The point remains that theres a very good reason sex educators and sexologists dont tell people to use the pull out method. The fact that I have women sitting here trying to defend pulling out is hilarious. Especially when Ive always heard women bash men for wanting to do the same thing. Edited August 2, 2013 by kaylan

[iris219]

Wheres your research? Find me a link from a reputable source that advises using the pull out method. Can you? And btw, this thread isnt really about committed relationships.

 

Anyways, anecdotes regarding the pull out method dont discount the fact that its dumb for birth control, and that almost all sex educators advise against it when trying to avoid pregnancy.

 

You can Google it. It's not obscure, hard to find info. You can also find, by doing a quick search, that pre-cum contains no sperm, and it was the pre-cum that was thought to be a problem in the past.

 

Sex educators don't advise it because 1. It doesn't prevent STDs and 2. Young guys might be not know how to or be able to pull out effectively.

 

Honestly, I wish the pull out method was less effective.