MidwestUSA Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I was never so glad to be done with this topic, for good! I am FREE, baby, FREE. And I hate the taste and feel of rubbers. Yay, free, yay. I'm on a mission. Back later. FREE!
iris219 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Just don't tell your girlfriend that you're prepared to do the right thing and be a father, because apparently it will get you dumped: He wasn't my boyfriend. Telling a woman you'll do the right thing is very different from telling her what she's going to do.
sweetkiwi Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Unfortunately I cannot take hormonal birthcontrol, and my uterus is too small for a copper IUD. So I always use condoms and buy special ones myself because I have an allergy to latex. And whoever I have sex with is aware of this. They are also aware that even though I am pro-choice I myself cannot imagine having an abortion, and luckily I have never had to make that choice. I do NOT want children right now but if I got pregnant due to some fault of my own I would "woman up" and take responsibility. If the man wanted to be in the child's life, excellent, if not, that's okay too. I imagine it would be rather terrifying for a man in a casual relationship to impregnate someone. And have to have that person in their life basically forever. 4
Ruby Slippers Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I discuss this with any sex partner, even casual. Personally, I'd feel irresponsible not discussing it. Every time you have sex, even with birth control, you take that risk. I've told each of my casual partners that if I got pregnant, I would have the baby, but wouldn't expect any involvement from him if he didn't want to be involved. I said basically the same thing to my boyfriend when we first started having sex, but he said that to him, "A baby means marriage." Even that early on, I could imagine being happy married to him, so I didn't object. I wouldn't necessarily get married just because I had a baby - but I respected that he had a responsible attitude about it. 2
sweetkiwi Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I discuss this with any sex partner, even casual. Personally, I'd feel irresponsible not discussing it. Every time you have sex, even with birth control, you take that risk. I've told each of my casual partners that if I got pregnant, I would have the baby, but wouldn't expect any involvement from him if he didn't want to be involved. I said basically the same thing to my boyfriend when we first started having sex, but he said that to him, "A baby means marriage." Even that early on, I could imagine being happy married to him, so I didn't object. I wouldn't necessarily get married just because I had a baby - but I respected that he had a responsible attitude about it. YUCK!!! I couldn't imagine marrying someone just because they got me pregnant. Obviously things are different in your case but no way I would want to be tied down to someone "for the sake of the child". That is a HUGE decision and not one I would ever want to feel forced. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 YUCK!!! I couldn't imagine marrying someone just because they got me pregnant. Obviously things are different in your case but no way I would want to be tied down to someone "for the sake of the child". That is a HUGE decision and not one I would ever want to feel forced. Well, he comes from a conservative religious background, and he would get massive hell if his girlfriend had a child out of wedlock - so I understand where he was coming from. He's also an abnormally responsible kind of guy, so I think he would find it very hard to live with having a baby out there somewhere that he's not helping to nurture and take care of. His whole mission in life is to be a strong provider for the family he creates, and his family of origin if ever they should need him. He seems to feel it's what he was born to do, and he's right on track to do it very well. If I got pregnant, of course I wouldn't have to marry him. That would be a mutual decision. If I didn't want to marry him, I'd tell him he was free not to be involved, and could keep it from his family if he wanted to, with no interference from me. What I appreciated about his point of view is that he wouldn't just disappear, but would step up and take responsibility for the major event of creating a human life. If I got pregnant right now, I'd probably lean toward marrying him, because at that point I think you do have to consider what's best and most stable for the child - having a loving, committed father in the child's life is certainly far better than raising a child as a single mother. My view is that once you create a life, it's no longer just about you and what you want. 3
Author kaylan Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) I thought you hook up with a lot of different girls, ONS and the like? You really have this conversation beforehand? What a killjoy. I have my fun, but not to the degree you are thinking. I generally tend to meet women I sleep with through mutual friends, and we hang out at the least, once or twice before having sex. Even when Ive had sex rather quickly with a girl, its not really in the first meeting. So theres time for us to have that conversation. Theres nothing killjoy about being responsible. I think the pregnancy convo is no different from the STD convo which Ive had with girls. And Ive only had 1 one night stand in my lifetime. And even then, we had both conversations right before having sex. It was quick and painless. Her: Youre disease free right? Me: Yes, Ive been tested recently as I hope you have been. Her: mhmmmm Me: And are you taking birth control? Her: Oh yeah, of course. Dont worry. Im not having any babies. And then we had sex. Convo took about 30 seconds lol. I wouldnt do it all like that nowadays, but back then the convo did calm my fears and didnt ruin the mood at all. It was very casual and to the point. Just like the sex I discuss this with any sex partner, even casual. Personally, I'd feel irresponsible not discussing it. Every time you have sex, even with birth control, you take that risk. I've told each of my casual partners that if I got pregnant, I would have the baby, but wouldn't expect any involvement from him if he didn't want to be involved. I said basically the same thing to my boyfriend when we first started having sex, but he said that to him, "A baby means marriage." Even that early on, I could imagine being happy married to him, so I didn't object. I wouldn't necessarily get married just because I had a baby - but I respected that he had a responsible attitude about it. I dont buy it when women say they wouldnt expect the man to be involved if he didnt want to be. Because dudes always get taken to court once the woman realizes she cant manage the child on her own financially. And definitely cannot have any kind of life outside of working or taking care of the kid if the child never stays with its father. Any girl saying the guy could bail would have her tune change once she realizes how broke shed be and how shed have literally no social life raising a kid by herself. Edited August 1, 2013 by kaylan 2
RogerWallace111 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 NO! Please educate yourself. Average condom failure rate is approximately 15% (figures vary according to different studies, but they're roughly similar). A large part of that is due to human error, but some of it is also down to micro-tears in the condom itself which are undetectable (particularly relevant to viruses because the particles are MUCH smaller than sperm cells). Slippage is another common problem, although again can be largely put down to human error (picking the wrong size, not putting it on properly, not being well enough lubricated, etc.). Also, you wouldn't have to "nut" inside her. Pre-ejaculate can carry sperm, and is one of the main reasons why "pulling out" isn't considered a very effective birth control method. Plus that it's not particularly relevant to STD risk. Get real bud. While what you say is technically true, it doesn't change the fact that wearing a condom is, in the VAST majority of cases, enough to protect you. That's like pointing out to someone who's trying skydiving that parachutes have failed before. I would recommend you never get in an automobile either if you're of this mindset. I was in a 3.5 year relationship during which my ex was on birth control only 1.5. Used condoms the whole rest of the time and nothing happened. Ever. And that's even with a handful of drunken moments of indiscretion where we would f*ck for the first 5-10 minutes unprotected. If the rubber actually breaks, get a plan b pill. Otherwise I'd say relax a little bit.
RogerWallace111 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 15% would mean my ex should have gotten pregnant at least a hundred times... But I apply the condom like a master i suppose...
Ruby Slippers Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I dont buy it when women say they wouldnt expect the man to be involved if he didnt want to be. Because dudes always get taken to court once the woman realizes she cant manage the child on her own financially. And definitely cannot have any kind of life outside of working or taking care of the kid if the child never stays with its father. Any girl saying the guy could bail would have her tune change once she realizes how broke shed be and how shed have literally no social life raising a kid by herself. I've actually thought about this. I run my own business and am doing well, am free to work anywhere and basically any time I want, and could easily hire a babysitter for $15 an hour or so to come to my house and take care of the kid while I'm working, or when I want adult time away from the kid. I already pay a few people to work for me and am about to hire again, so it wouldn't put a strain on me to pay one more. But yeah, if I were a guy, I would be very careful who I had sex with and plan for the worst case scenario - pregnancy and financial liability for the child.
KungFuJoe Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 A lot of this is just luck of the draw. NO method is 100% safe except for abstinence. 1
stillafool Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 This is something thats always scared me about sex. I love sex, I enjoy it very much, and Id love to have a lot of it all the time. But part of the reason I wasnt as crazy in college as I couldve been, and part of why I dont have the biggest desire to date around lately, is that Im afraid of kids. I dont want some girl getting pregnant and then my independence flying out the window. Im not emotionally ready for kids, Im not financially ready for kids, and a recent thread brought this to the forefront of my mind tonight. How do you folks usually bring this up with someone you plan to sleep with? I kind of just find out if the girl is on the pill, and then I just start a "what if?" conversation. It usually makes me feel better about sleeping with them if we are on the same page. However, I am still a little paranoid because a girl can say one thing and do another. And its very possible she feels differently about having children once she actually gets pregnant. In a perfect world Id be settle down and get to decide with a good woman when we both want kids, and then have them together at the right time. Or alternatively, if I dont find the right woman, Id adopt. Either way itd be well thought out and Id be emotionally and financially ready for that situation. If only abstinence were easy. However, I must say, I havent really been as horny as usually over the last 2 weeks. Those who say my other thread about abstaining from masturbation can take this as a little update haha. And hell, I havent had any sexy dreams or morning wood lately either. Hooray for no babies xD The best thing you can do for yourself is to carry your OWN condoms. Even if she says she is on the pill don't trust it wear YOUR condom. I had a friend who wanted a guy so much that she supplied his condoms when he would come over. She poked holes in them to ensure pregnancy. He never wanted to marry her; but is paying her child support to this day. Don't trust anyone when it comes to important life decisions but yourself. 1
Arabella Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I've always brought up the topic with partners shortly after we start having sex. I would just ask what would they want to do if I became pregnant. The last time, it happened because we stopped using condoms, and I was NOT on the pill. We were basically just doing the pull-out thing (yes, fully aware that it's not very effective), and one day after sex I told him something like: "I just want you to know that, if I became pregnant, I would want to have and keep the child." His response? "Fine by me. Then I would just have to do my best to be good a dad. " As it turns out, about half a year after this conversation, we actually started discussing having a child together and decided to stop pulling out altogether, and leave it up to nature to decide when we would be parents. I became pregnant 3 months later, and we were delighted.
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Her: Youre disease free right? Me: Yes, Ive been tested recently as I hope you have been. Her: mhmmmm Me: And are you taking birth control? Her: Oh yeah, of course. Dont worry. Im not having any babies. And then we had sex. Convo took about 30 seconds lol. I wouldnt do it all like that nowadays, but back then the convo did calm my fears and didnt ruin the mood at all. It was very casual and to the point. Ummm, that conversation doesn't address the question of what you/she would do if she became pregnant - at all. That's a contraception question, nothing more. Being on the pill only tells you she's not trying to get pregnant. It doesn't tell you what would happen if the BC failed.
Author kaylan Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) The best thing you can do for yourself is to carry your OWN condoms. Even if she says she is on the pill don't trust it wear YOUR condom. I had a friend who wanted a guy so much that she supplied his condoms when he would come over. She poked holes in them to ensure pregnancy. He never wanted to marry her; but is paying her child support to this day. Don't trust anyone when it comes to important life decisions but yourself. I ALWAYS provide my own condoms. For one, I know what brand I like, and what fits and feels better for me. Secondly, Ive heard too many hole poke stories where a chick tries to get preggers on purpose. Screw that.I've always brought up the topic with partners shortly after we start having sex. I would just ask what would they want to do if I became pregnant. The last time, it happened because we stopped using condoms, and I was NOT on the pill. We were basically just doing the pull-out thing (yes, fully aware that it's not very effective), and one day after sex I told him something like: "I just want you to know that, if I became pregnant, I would want to have and keep the child." His response? "Fine by me. Then I would just have to do my best to be good a dad. " As it turns out, about half a year after this conversation, we actually started discussing having a child together and decided to stop pulling out altogether, and leave it up to nature to decide when we would be parents. I became pregnant 3 months later, and we were delighted. Thats all well and dandy, but I really wish people would stop going raw and using the pull out method as birth control. Granted you did try to have a child later, its just that too many people actually use that method when they do not want to have kids at all and arent prepared for them either. Boggles my mind.Ummm, that conversation doesn't address the question of what you/she would do if she became pregnant - at all. That's a contraception question, nothing more. Being on the pill only tells you she's not trying to get pregnant. It doesn't tell you what would happen if the BC failed. It does. I didnt really quote word for word. But basically she put it across that she was not going to have kids. And if a slip up happened, wed have to take care of it. She was a very liberal, career driven, pro choice girl. She wasnt having my child lol Edited August 1, 2013 by kaylan
Keenly Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Men , let me give you some advice. When you have this conversation with a woman, ignore whatever comes out of her mouth. I've been in this situation before and I was lied to , right to my face. I was told she was on the pill, and that no matter what happened we would not have a kid until we were both ready. Biggest lies ever told. Take the power into your own hands, and do not trust what women say, because they lie. 1
Arabella Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Thats all well and dandy, but I really wish people would stop going raw and using the pull out method as birth control. Granted you did try to have a child later, its just that too many people actually use that method when they do not want to have kids at all and arent prepared for them either. Boggles my mind. Stop judging, please. I'm 29, a professional woman, and capable of sustaining a child by myself if it came to that. It's not like we were two ignorant teenagers. We simply accepted the risk that went along with what we were doing. Why does that bother you? Funny thing is? Many long-term relationships use pull-out as their main contraception method. We actually did it without pregnancy for over 6 months, before we decided to stop pulling out altogether. Nothing wrong so long as you're informed, ready and able to accept the consequences of your actions. 4
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 It does. I didnt really quote word for word. But basically she put it across that she was not going to have kids. And if a slip up happened, wed have to take care of it. She was a very liberal, career driven, pro choice girl. She wasnt having my child lol What you quoted doesn't suggest she'd have an abortion. It says she's not trying to get pregnant, but how women react when they actually find out their pregnant is often very different. Are you honestly saying that you confirm with a girl that she'd have an abortion prior to having sex with her? I just don't believe that. I just don't. And you do realize that whatever a woman tells you, she's free to change her mind...right? 3
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Men , let me give you some advice. When you have this conversation with a woman, ignore whatever comes out of her mouth. I've been in this situation before and I was lied to , right to my face. I was told she was on the pill, and that no matter what happened we would not have a kid until we were both ready. Biggest lies ever told. Take the power into your own hands, and do not trust what women say, because they lie. A woman is always free to change her mind, and many do once they actually find themselves pregnant (aborting when they said they never would, or keeping when they said they didn't want kids yet/ever).
KungFuJoe Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Men , let me give you some advice. When you have this conversation with a woman, ignore whatever comes out of her mouth. I've been in this situation before and I was lied to , right to my face. I was told she was on the pill, and that no matter what happened we would not have a kid until we were both ready. Biggest lies ever told. Take the power into your own hands, and do not trust what women say, because they lie. Yup...because that ONE woman who lied to you means that ALL women lie and can't be trusted. Seems legit. 2
sweetkiwi Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I dont buy it when women say they wouldnt expect the man to be involved if he didnt want to be. Because dudes always get taken to court once the woman realizes she cant manage the child on her own financially. And definitely cannot have any kind of life outside of working or taking care of the kid if the child never stays with its father. Any girl saying the guy could bail would have her tune change once she realizes how broke shed be and how shed have literally no social life raising a kid by herself. I would. Never met my biological father myself, apparently he "opted out". I can't imagine forcing someone to be an actual dad. You create sperm in your testicles, but that doesn't mean you can be a father. If a man doesn't want a child he helped create, that man isn't going to be a good father anyway. Good riddance. 3
KungFuJoe Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Plenty of single parents out there doing great jobs, raising their kids, and still having a social life. And are VERY happy. It's not easy, but unless you've had your own kids and can relate to the joys of being a parent, then you won't understand. 2
sweetkiwi Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 And there are wonderful people out there who are NOT the biological parent but will love the child anyway, and in my case, be the one person I can count on. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I honestly don't understand where all this animosity toward single mothers and oopsie pregnancies is coming from lately on LS. Last I checked, men, these women aren't getting pregnant on their own. 5
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