So lost and hurt

[1onelove1]

I've been with my husband for 13 years, married for 6. We're in our mid/late 20s. We have an almost 2 year old daughter.

 

The first several years of our relationship were long distance = amazing

The next several years were together = mostly amazing, some conflicts

The past few years have been rocky = some good parts, lots of conflict

 

I see now that we should have gone to counseling YEARS ago but I never wanted to "rock the boat" and we would just go back and forth from fighting to happy. We would fight, badly, for hours, and then the next day act like it didn't happen. That's how he was, and I followed his lead. I never wanted to go to bed angry and always wanted to hash it out. I know I made things worse by doing that.

 

Anyway. So basically where we are now is that about 2 weeks ago he said the spark was gone, he didn't know if he loved me anymore, didn't know if he wanted to stay with me, etc. I knew we needed to reconnect and we had some issues but I did not know it was this extreme. This was pretty sudden for me. After 3 days of going back & forth about it, he declared that he wanted to make it work. He let me know what was missing and what he needed (love & intimacy). We started to look up therapists, we established a date night, we bought and started to read relationship books (5 languages of love), I started to work on the issues going on with myself personally, and worked at giving him what he needed. I felt a real improvement. Things were getting better.

 

Monday night we had an argument (I wanted him to work on something in return to me working at myself) and so yesterday he informed me that he had tried to make it work and it was not working out and there is no spark, he's not in love with me, doesn't know if he even wants to be anymore, wants to move out, etc. etc.

 

I am of the position that it was not nearly enough time to try and fix things. 1.5 weeks is NOTHING. However he maintains that he has been feeling this way for "years" and has been "trying to make it work" for years and is now numb. I feel like we haven't even been to one counseling session, how can you throw in the towel? Especially with a daughter? And after 13 years?

 

Just need to vent. And get advice.. Thanks

[Misfortune]

Sorry about your situation. I don't understand why people hold things in until it turns into resentment or something of the sort. They say nothing to their mate and then just hit their limit and leave. They tell you when you have no chance of fixing things. It's quite unfair and selfish.