Bryanp Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 Are you intimate with your husband? If so does it bother you that you put him at risk for STD's? You continue to humiliate and disrespect your husband in the worst possible way but continue to say you still love him. You say you could never allow your husband to be with another woman. You are with an OM who continues to stand you up and has forced himself on you even when you said stop................................WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
Author Findingmyway74 Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 Findingmyway, You are me. 1. First love. 2. 20 years apart. 3. H doesn't want to know/deal. 4. Marriage feels like roommates. 5. Been in counseling for years. 6. Affair lasted for years. 7. Kept going back to him. YES to alllllll of it! Ditto! I will not reveal anything else to my H as he obviously doesn't want to know, I won't tell my AP's W, and my counselor (a former BS herself) supports this. I am working hard to understand my why's and heal this whole situation without inflicting additional hurt, and I don't need anonymous strangers to approve of my actions. I know what's best for me. My thought regarding you is that your H is not working on the M, only you are. If you want him to meet your needs and help you feel this is an M worth valuing, he's going to need to step up his game. How so? You are going to need to figure that out with him in MC. I kept working on me and could not break my affair need. I just felt so resentful of my H that I wanted to think of my exBF. One day I showed my H that I had made a list of debts/assets and I was ready to D. He was shocked. I said, "Well, will you go to MC? And IC if necessary?" He finally agreed to start owning his role in our marriage, and things finally began to improve between us. We're not fixed yet; some of our issues are entrenched, but we are better. Not everyone's M is the cause of an A, but it can be. Mine was. I just didn't want to threaten D because I didn't think I could handle it, but when I finally saw that my M was leaving me empty and leaving so many needs unmet, I knew why I had needed my ex. He became my 'solution' and salvation, even though it really only made things worse. I think changes in your H and your marriage would help you say goodbye to your exBF forever and help you get your pride and dignity back. That's what worked for me. good luck!!! It is nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I know that what I am doing is wrong- if it wasn't I wouldn't be trying to stop and change things. I appreciate you posting in this thread.
Author Findingmyway74 Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 Are you intimate with your husband? If so does it bother you that you put him at risk for STD's? You continue to humiliate and disrespect your husband in the worst possible way but continue to say you still love him. You say you could never allow your husband to be with another woman. You are with an OM who continues to stand you up and has forced himself on you even when you said stop................................WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? Yes I am intimate with my H, rarely but yes. As far as STD's I do have HPV that has caused some issues that I have had several procedures for. Honestly though I don't really think much about STD's as I have been with OM off and on for over 7 years. Besides HPV (which cannot be determined where I got that from) there has never been any issues. I suppose I would deal with it if it came to that.
waterwoman Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Perhaps your H can't tell you what's wrong with the soup because he doesn't know. He just knows it's not the same. Most people don't do much exploration of their motivations and feelings. A lot of people just go with the flow. Perhaps he sees your confessions as another way of saying 'What's wrong with the damned soup? Tell me please!!!' and he can't tell you so he pushes the question away.
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