Hey Euro folk, is it true some countries have dutch as the norm?

[kaylan]

I was talking to a Bulgarian chap, and he told me that in his home country that women always insist on paying for themselves, and that its even considered creepy for a guy to buy a girl he didnt know a drink at the bar. He said women generally only let a guy pay for them after they are in a relationship.

 

Can anyone tell me if this happens in other European nations? Or in other areas of the world? I was quite surprised as I thought much of Europe was more traditional than America when it came to dating and gender roles. I guess that shows us that cultures are just different.

 

Ive even heard stories from my old college classmates who were on exchange, about how in their countries it wasnt out of the ordinary for women to approach and ask out guys. My jaw dropped at the idea of that being a regularity, despite having it happening to me once. (girl from college class added me on facebook and invited me to hangout, so not exactly the same)

[crude]

I just marvel at the idea that in 2013, with single women without children out-earning their male counterparts by 15%, with so many female bosses, the idea of a woman asking a man out or women paying their own way is almost supernaturally rare. What a joke.

[Els]

I think it depends on whether you're talking about West or East European? From what I've heard, Western Europe is generally more egalitarian, secular, and liberal than America (which manifests in many ways - going dutch, legal abortion and gay marriage in most countries, highly equal gender participation in top political/corporate roles, etc). East Europeans I'm not sure, gotta ask Radu about that.

 

I'm currently in a country that isn't exactly in Europe, but most people here are descendants of Western Europeans. Going dutch seems very common amongst the people here (excluding migrants who carry tradition from their own countries).

[therhythm]

I was talking to a Bulgarian chap, and he told me that in his home country that women always insist on paying for themselves, and that its even considered creepy for a guy to buy a girl he didnt know a drink at the bar. He said women generally only let a guy pay for them after they are in a relationship.

 

Can anyone tell me if this happens in other European nations? Or in other areas of the world? I was quite surprised as I thought much of Europe was more traditional than America when it came to dating and gender roles. I guess that shows us that cultures are just different.

 

Ive even heard stories from my old college classmates who were on exchange, about how in their countries it wasnt out of the ordinary for women to approach and ask out guys. My jaw dropped at the idea of that being a regularity, despite having it happening to me once. (girl from college class added me on facebook and invited me to hangout, so not exactly the same)

 

Here in The Netherlands it is quite often like that... (I guess therefore is called going "Dutch" )

[T3h L337 d00d]

Buying girls you don't know drinks at bars is lame here too. Yes going dutch is the norm in many parts of Europe. When do we get our sitcom T3h L337 d00d & Kaylan?

[Emilia]

Can anyone tell me if this happens in other European nations? Or in other areas of the world? I was quite surprised as I thought much of Europe was more traditional than America when it came to dating and gender roles. I guess that shows us that cultures are just different.

 

Ive even heard stories from my old college classmates who were on exchange, about how in their countries it wasnt out of the ordinary for women to approach and ask out guys. My jaw dropped at the idea of that being a regularity, despite having it happening to me once. (girl from college class added me on facebook and invited me to hangout, so not exactly the same)

Southern and Eastern European cultures tend to be more conservative, Western and Northern European much more liberal and definitely secular.

 

I'd say from what I've seen Western and Northern European dating is much more egalitarian than American in terms of opportunities and responsibilities. We don't have strict rules like you do about first dates, it's OLD that brought in multidating, it's not the norm otherwise at all. People share costs, they hang out, don't really treat dating as a sport. This sort of forced dating, discussing every stage, worry about exclusivity, etc is a very American phenomena.

 

I see the American style of dating a bit ... childish. But then I find American culture quite child like and immature sorry

[RedRobin]

Southern and Eastern European cultures tend to be more conservative, Western and Northern European much more liberal and definitely secular.

 

I'd say from what I've seen Western and Northern European dating is much more egalitarian than American in terms of opportunities and responsibilities. We don't have strict rules like you do about first dates, it's OLD that brought in multidating, it's not the norm otherwise at all. People share costs, they hang out, don't really treat dating as a sport. This sort of forced dating, discussing every stage, worry about exclusivity, etc is a very American phenomena.

 

I see the American style of dating a bit ... childish. But then I find American culture quite child like and immature sorry

 

Me too. Before the world economy went belly up a couple of years ago, I was doing my best to move to a Northern European or Scandinavian country. I still am, but it is definitely tougher...

 

I'd consider England too. Although, I'd stay off the motorcycle till I got the hang of that right side/left side thingy. ha ha.

[RedRobin]

Here in The Netherlands it is quite often like that... (I guess therefore is called going "Dutch" )

 

Ok... I confess. I love the Netherlands. It is among a small handful of places I'd consider moving to... Amsterdam and surrounding areas are one of my favorite places in the world.

 

I'd live on a boat there if I could.

[Emilia]

I'd consider England too. Although, I'd stay off the motorcycle till I got the hang of that right side/left side thingy. ha ha.

Honestly it takes half an hour. Still have very similar rules.

[therhythm]

Ok... I confess. I love the Netherlands. It is among a small handful of places I'd consider moving to... Amsterdam and surrounding areas are one of my favorite places in the world.

 

I'd live on a boat there if I could.

 

Yes...I would love to own one of those house-boats:bunny: but they are crazy expensive

[Mint Sauce]

just south of the Netherlands, the Dutch have the reputation of not easily buying drinks, not out of egalitarian convictions, but because they want to keep their money to themselves (sorry therythm ;-))

 

Here, we usually split big bills equally, but girls certainly don't mind a guy buying them a drink or dinner. We can also hold the umbrella, and open the passenger door if we like. It's still considered rather classy.

[therhythm]

just south of the Netherlands, the Dutch have the reputation of not easily buying drinks, not out of egalitarian convictions, but because they want to keep their money to themselves (sorry therythm ;-))

 

Here, we usually split big bills equally, but girls certainly don't mind a guy buying them a drink or dinner. We can also hold the umbrella, and open the passenger door if we like. It's still considered rather classy.

 

Oh you don't have to be sorry... we are very proud of being good controlling our expenditure :lmao:

 

We know very good what are the stereotypes about us outside our country...many of them are so true!! :lmao:

Edited August 1, 2013 by therhythm

[Arabella]

This is definitely the case for Spain. It's pretty much standard to get separate tabs at the end of a meal without even asking the waiter. They will only put it together (or ask you first) if they think you're obviously a married couple, or close family.

[salparadise]

I just marvel at the idea that in 2013, with single women without children out-earning their male counterparts by 15%, with so many female bosses, the idea of a woman asking a man out or women paying their own way is almost supernaturally rare. What a joke.

 

I agree, and it's a bit of a change in my perceptions based on recent experiences. I used to politely decline women's offers to split a check, but I always appreciated the offer. I recently dated a woman for several months who makes more than most people would imagine, and she never offered to contribute! I'm still trying to figure out how she arrived at her notions. But it got really old taking her to restaurants knowing that she had the expectation that it would be free to her and expensive for me. It felt like she had a sense of superiority and entitlement. There were other iterations of money weirdness that I noticed from time to time as well.

 

After we quit dating I've been out with a few women who earn normal incomes, and they always offer to contribute. Not only do they offer, they fully expect it to be balanced. They are obviously more progressive and/or have no sense of entitlement. I think the old expectation that the man pays just because he's the man is on it's way out. I like it balanced and it's not at all about the actual dollars; it's about what feels right in terms of the sense of entitlement or lack thereof.

[Southern Cal Dude]

I was in Rio and felt like a lower tier celebrity. Women approach down there and apparently Western Europe as well. Haven't been to Europe yet. Want to go to Sweden. I hear women there are forward as well.

[sweetkiwi]

Here in Italy if I buy myself a drink it is almost shocking for people. Men pay for everything and are very insistent on paying. Even if I went out with my ex's friends and he wasn't there his friends would pay for my drinks. It's just the norm.

 

I also spent time in Germany where my best girlfriend had been living. She said men don't buy women drinks there or talk to strangers in bars, yet everywhere we went I got free drinks and men chatting with me.

[Emilia]

I also spent time in Germany where my best girlfriend had been living. She said men don't buy women drinks there or talk to strangers in bars, yet everywhere we went I got free drinks and men chatting with me.

I find the Germans quite friendly on that level actually.

[sweetkiwi]

I find the Germans quite friendly on that level actually.

They were certainly NOT friendly to me, at least not until it was night and we were in a bar/club. They were actually quite rude during the day. I had one woman run me over with her stroller and she tried parking it on my foot...

 

The foreigners were much much nicer. Especially Swedish people.

[RedRobin]

Scandinavians are like Germans... but with a sense of humor

 

(so says a Swedish man I know... ).