calm.my.heart Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Long story short, we had a 2 year relationship. Very healthy and loving, always talked about the future and how we were so right for each other. He started getting weird right before he broke it off. Small things at first, distancing himself, until he dropped a bomb that it wasn't working for him and he wanted space. (hindsight and people who know him tell me this is a pattern and he is scared of commitment) I have accepted I will never know. I responded in a classy way, saying that it's not what I want but I respect his decision. Although it hurts like he!! To be dropped so fast with no real reason. No even a fight or argument. Anyway, NC for 5 weeks and then I run into him at a store. So awkward. We say hi and that's it. Then he texts, "don't expect u to respond, but was good to see you." so I say, "you know how to contact me if you want to talk" he replies with some random texts about nothing and I plain out ask 'why can't don't we go on a date to catch up?' Dumb!! I'm not one to play games. He basically says he wants me as a friend but dies not see that happening. I did not reply. That was a week ago. Please learn from me, when someone breaks up with you they are done. I am set back a bit, but not as destroyed as I would have been before NC. He is a ghost now. Nothing to do with the man I loved for 2 years. That man is gone. Stay strong and don't reach out to them! It only hurts you. Xoxox 1
Hoaks Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I'm sorry for you, rejection again hurts like hell. I am glad I read this though. Even though I dont know my ex new mobile number, I was seriously fighting to not call her house number today. I think she would just hang up anyway, but have a strong feeling of reaching out today. Especialy after seeing her car yesterday. I cant even be with her because of what she has done, so I dont know why I am even thinking of doing it. Relationships....ugh
Arianna_xoxo Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Calm my heart, I'm so sorry to hear that, and I'm glad you're in a better place than expected. I on the other hand am a mess. I wasn't looking into getting a relationship as I've had my heart broken once before but he kept insisting and we started dating. Things were going well but we would argue often as we're both very outspoken and opinionated. Except when it came to our relationship, we were both so broken. We dated for a few months and I fell completely in love with him and I could tell he was falling just as bad. Here's when it falls apart. When we met we were both waiting to hear back from schools, him from his masters and me from law schools. We had talked about it and had decided to stay together while in school. Well we both got into our schools in cities 2 hours away from each other. A couple of weeks before he started school he started up act very distant. He eventually broke up with me saying he needs to ignore his feelings and do this for the both of us. Saying if we kept our relationship going and if it was to end a few months or a year down the road it would screw us up emotionally while we're in school and we will both fall apart. We kept going back and forth for the next couple of weeks. I told him I loved him, and I hadn't told him because I didn't think he felt the same. He said it wasn't fair to tell him now. That he won't tell me his real feelings in return because it would make things harder. He said he wanted me to stay in his life but I can't do that. I know it was a short time together but I love this guy more than anything and its killing me. I don't know what to do. I have been trying LC because he still texts me to talk, and says he's emotional sometimes but trying to deal, keeping busy. I fall apart everytime we talk. I have maintained NC for 3 days now and it's killing me. Sorry for the long post guys. Just venting. Hope everyone is staying strong
Author calm.my.heart Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Arianna, trust me, I'm really not ok but I have no choice but to accept that we are no longer a couple. I refuse to accept anything less because it would be too painful to be just a friend after everything we've shared. Did your ex say 'if it was meant to be, it may happen in the future?' mine did and I can't stand thinking he might try again one day when I've completely gotten over him. I'm sorry you are going through this too. Keep NC for you. Its for the best.
Author calm.my.heart Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Hoaks, glad this gave you pause not to contact her. Stay strong and keep your dignity. Hope it gets better for you! 2
Chris715 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) I can completely relate to this. I've broken NC so many times over the past 7 months of my break up it's not even funny. She would ask for space, I would still contact her, she would tell me we're not getting back together, I would still contact her, she would flat out say she doesn't want me in her life anymore... and I would still contact her. To be fair she's contacted me as well over this time, but I realize now that I've dragged this thing out into an ugly mess when it could have been done with a clean break months ago. I'm also in some serious pain and am on... wait for it.... two whole days of not contacting her! :/ Also it's actually pretty cruel when an ex says "maybe some time in the future" calm. Like you said it's that idea of "what if I move on and they want to come back?!?!?" and it keeps you in a rut really. She hasn't even said that to me like your ex did, yet I find myself unable to move on and date anyone else because then it will really signify the end of things for me. Edited August 1, 2013 by Chris715 1
Author calm.my.heart Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Chris, don't be hard on yourself. When they reply it feels like they still might care, and that gives hope. Truthfully it feels good for a moment, but then it's like nicotine and you crave more until they shut you down and it hurts so much. It's better not to contact, or know anything about their lives. 2 days is a great start! Feel good about that!
Author calm.my.heart Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 And yes, it is cruel for him to say that about the future. I think he said it because when we first met we were with other people, and then met years later and were single and started dating. It was about timing I guess. Still a twisted thing to say to someone you are dumping. Lol.
newmoon Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I'm sorry for you, rejection again hurts like hell. I am glad I read this though. Even though I dont know my ex new mobile number, I was seriously fighting to not call her house number today. I think she would just hang up anyway, but have a strong feeling of reaching out today. Especialy after seeing her car yesterday. I cant even be with her because of what she has done, so I dont know why I am even thinking of doing it. Relationships....ugh you're not alone. today was a 'down' day for me too - although I didn't break NC I desperately just wanted to say hello to my ex/text/call, something, just be with him somehow. but I didn't, because it's over and I know that, but you cannot stop that feeling of just wanting to reach out. it's ok to feel that, just don't act on it! I think it's more of the sensation of wanting to make things just get back to normal, the way it used to be. but we have a new normal now and have to adjust 3
aloneinaz Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 CMH, I think you have a good head on your shoulders. You recognize now that he's in your past and you have an open future to find someone new. I totally agree that NC works wonders. I haven't spoken to my ex in almost 9 weeks now, since the day it ended. I think the biggest obstacle to get over is coming to acceptance that its REALLY over, dead, done, stick a fork in it... I think the hardest part of a break up is one day that person is one of the most important people in your life. Your best friend, lover, confidant and go to person. Then the next day they are gone, out of your life. I think it's hard for our brains to comprehend this not to mention what it does to our hearts.
Author calm.my.heart Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Thanks alone, I completely agree. I've read your posts and feel for you, you lost more than your ex you lost her kids too and that is hurtful. I have kids too and he bonded with them and we felt like we were moving forward after being together 2 years. He walked away from them as well so that made it easier to recognize he has some serious issues and most people could not cut off those ties so heartlessly. He will probably keep moving from relationship to relationship without looking back. I can't say for sure........ Sounds like you are in a good place too, keep moving forward.
aloneinaz Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Thanks alone, I completely agree. I've read your posts and feel for you, you lost more than your ex you lost her kids too and that is hurtful. I have kids too and he bonded with them and we felt like we were moving forward after being together 2 years. He walked away from them as well so that made it easier to recognize he has some serious issues and most people could not cut off those ties so heartlessly. He will probably keep moving from relationship to relationship without looking back. I can't say for sure........ Sounds like you are in a good place too, keep moving forward. Thanks- I'm learning as well how to navigate through this as well. NC works for me. I do miss her kids like crazy. I really fell in love w/them. I was great to them both as well. It makes it even harder than a divorce in that you break up and never see them again. I just hope they remember me and that I was a good guy to them and loved them huge. Question for you. How long do you date someone before letting him meet your kids?
Sanctionne Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I know this feeling all too well. I broke contact over the wknd. Only because I thought he was trying to get my attn and missed me. Boy was I wrong and I was set back tremendously.... The only comfort that it brought me is knowing that I can finally let go.... In addition, if they are the one's to break NC then you'll know it's because they choose to and not because they had pity on you. Good lucky to everyone that is currently in NC. It's one of the hardest things you may ever have to do and sometimes it gets harder before it gets easier, but it'll be worth it in the long run even if you can't see it now.
Arianna_xoxo Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 CMH. That's the worst. Mine said exactly the same thing "maybe in the future we can be together" also said how he knows he's gunna regret his decision in the future as well. I'd rather not have heard that. The hardest part is accepting it really is over and treat it as that instead of clinging on to false hope
Author calm.my.heart Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Arianna, yes, that was really hard to hear. Like, I'm not good enough now, but I could be in the future. However, I know I'm good enough now, who would stay in a relationship for 2 years if it wasn't headed somewhere? It could be a way for them to keep the door open. I'm intent on closing and locking it forever.
Author calm.my.heart Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Alone, I knew my ex for years (through mutual friends) so I had an idea of his character when we began dating. It took months (at least 3-4) before I introduced him to my kids. But our circumstances are different. They bonded so quickly because he has a son too and we had eventually arranged weekends at same time. My kids live with me, so he saw them on a daily basis. They still ask about him and talk about him. I NEVER would have let them get so close to him if I thought he was going anywhere. He made me believe he was in this for good. Now I have to protect my kids even more in the future. Don't underestimate the impact you had on them, they will remember you as a good guy. I've never said one bad word about my ex to them, just tried to do damage control after he disappeared from their lives.
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