Lostnlonely42 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I met my husband 4 year ago. We didn't date long before we moved in together (first mistake, I know). I had just bought a new house and he helped me move and started staying there occasionally. Over time more and more of his stuff appeared and he eventually never left. We split up several times in the first three years. And before I forget...he still lived with his mom at 38 and didn't have a job. He was on unemployment (had basically only worked for family his entire life). He did odds and ends at my new house but never offered a dime to contribute to the monthly bills. Finally "I" found him a job and he went to work. He still works there but hates it. He gets his son every weekend so we never have any time alone (I have two girls one of which he doesn't like...never said it but didn't deny it when called out). His son is very disrespectful and in his eyes can never do wrong. My problem is this...he shows me no affection and doesn't even touch me unless he wants to have sex (twice a month maybe). He does nothing around the house but cut the grass. He is a chronic complainer and only gives me a 100.00 a week for bills, groceries, etc. he picks fights with my kids and belittles them. He works, complains, sleeps and watches tv and that's it. When I try to talk to him things get better for a day or two but then goes right back to the way they were. I feel like his mom or a maid not his wife. I'm so tired and lonely and just don't know what to do anymore. Should I stay or ask him to leave.
Yasuandio Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Actually, this guy doesn't seem to have one redeeming quality. From your description, he sounds like a complete, useless, deadbeat. Maybe you should read this post out loud, and ask yourself, "Does my husband sound like the kinda guy I wanna be with 20 years from now?" Here's another real important question to ask yourself when you're a bread-winner, married to a deadbeat: "How would I feel about splitting the assets with this guy five years from now, when I really get fed up?" Food for thought... Yas 1
hayewils Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Yep, send him packing. Save yourself the trouble later on He sounds like he has a lot of the same qualities as my stbxw. Complain about my kids, complain about this and that. Her son was perfect and i recieved no affection.she would rather sit on her butt in front of the tv and watch cupcake wars and iron chef all night. 1
Author Lostnlonely42 Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Well I just tried to talk to him and really got no where. He will pay more attention to me if that's what "I" want. I don't want him to do it out of guilt. He says he is stupid and needs me to tell him what to do but he's not learning to cook and he's not picking up a fu&@ing dust rag. I started to cry and he just kept asking me what was I trying to say. He always wants to run and never listen. I just don't know anymore if I even want him to try. My oldest says divorce him that I can do better. This is my second marriage and I am so bitter towards men in general. I know relationships are always perfect but first a chronic liar and now a lazy bum. Boy do I know how to pick them!!!
Yasuandio Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Hon, men are not made to use dust-rags. You need to check yourself on that one. Men need to be protectors and PROVIDERS (like bring home the dough). You need your man out of the house in the work environment - bringing the check into your hand, period. Set a date. Lay down the law about a job or two. Explain how the finances will work. Don't talkie-talk about chores unless it is about getting your oil changed. You read me? Then, if he cannot be at least be a breadwinner (e.g., provider), then you better listen to your son, cause he sounds pretty smart. Yas 1
Author Lostnlonely42 Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 I know a lot of men who help their wives around the house esp when they both work outside the home but that's really not the point. He has never paid a bill in his life. Someone else handles his finances and its not me(another family member). I have no idea about his finances except I get 100.00 every Friday and sometimes a little more when he works overtime. He fusses about water and lights and claims he pays half to my girls but the reality is that 400.00 a month doesn't cover half of everything including groceries. His mom still pays his car insurance and cell phone bill. He doesn't take car of my car I do. I'm very self sufficient but when he's getting mad cause I fall asleep without making his lunch it bothers me. I'm exhausted after taking care of everything and cleaning up after him and his son.
imbetteroff Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Divorce him. Then just date, DO NOT jump into another relationship, do not settle. It sounds like you're financially stable and do not need to put up with his $hit. 1
Yasuandio Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Divorce him. Then just date, DO NOT jump into another relationship, do not settle. It sounds like you're financially stable and do not need to put up with his $hit. Yeah - like totally agree with "imbetteroff.". You get what you accept. If that is what your willing to accept all this time, you have no one to blame but yourself. You don't need that ball and chain on your foot any longer. Disappear him with divorce papers, like right now, before he files for disability - and you end up with alimony payments to this loser. Good luck with that. Yas
trippi1432 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I know a lot of men who help their wives around the house esp when they both work outside the home but that's really not the point. He has never paid a bill in his life. Someone else handles his finances and its not me(another family member). I have no idea about his finances except I get 100.00 every Friday and sometimes a little more when he works overtime. He fusses about water and lights and claims he pays half to my girls but the reality is that 400.00 a month doesn't cover half of everything including groceries. His mom still pays his car insurance and cell phone bill. He doesn't take car of my car I do. I'm very self sufficient but when he's getting mad cause I fall asleep without making his lunch it bothers me. I'm exhausted after taking care of everything and cleaning up after him and his son. From the sound of this post, he's never had to be responsible for anything his entire life....his mother still takes care of things for him, handles his finances...etc. $400 a month barely even would pay half of the roof over the head's of 5 people (3 being children)....good grief. Time for him to learn to make his own lunch....I'd lose total respect for a man who needed taking care of like that and had nothing to offer in return. 2
Author Lostnlonely42 Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 It really is that bad and was before the marriage. I honestly should have thought longer and harder before I married him. I seriously can not think of any good qualities in him. He is a mammas boy and he's not going to do anything to change it. We have has the discussion several times about his behavior and he does good for a day or two and then it's the same ole stuff. I have never met anyone like him in my life. He literally comes straight home from work and lays in the bed watching tv till he goes to sleep. On the weekends he never gets out of the bed. There is literally a dip in his side of the bed. His son even comments about how lazy he is. He is not a people person and stays in the bedroom if I even invite someone over and then complains about how loud they were. I feel like I walk on eggshells in my own house.
Author Lostnlonely42 Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 No offense taken at all. I've been dealing with this for four years now. Why is it that we think they will eventually change? His mother even claims she warned me. His brother and sister are nothing like him. I just don't understand it. Kicking him out will not make it any better as we have went down that road several times and he doesn't change. I guess I'm just scared to actually do it and feel really bad for his son. He will go back to his moms and probably quit his job since he hates it so much. I know I need to worry about me and my girls. I keep telling myself that this is my life and I deserve better. Girls are leaving this evening so we may be alone. I'm sure he will bring it up again and try to start a fight so we will see what happens. Please say a prayer and fingers crossed for me and thanks so much for the advice.
2.50 a gallon Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 From what I have read, your are not his wife, you are his second mother. He never will change, time for him go back to her old mom or find a new one You only have one trip on the merry-go-round, you might as well be as happy as you can and find yourself a real man you can share your life with 4
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