ShiningMoon Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I met him online back in April and we instantly got along. We met up in real life in May and our first meet up was fine. As I was leaving he asked me out on a date and I agreed. Bare in mind that he has a night job and I have a 9-5 schedule so he told me that he'd only be able to see me on one of his days off. He planned a first date but later texted me to reschedule because he was going on vacation with his friends. I agree, no biggie. Then, he plans another date but the night before that lunch date, I send him a text to ask confirmation as he didn't pick the venue, and of course I don't get a text back. I text him the next day to tell him I made other plans because I didn't hear from him. He apologized three times saying it was a problem with his phone and he didn't notice the text hadn't gone through but asks to reschedule. One last attempt, he asks me out for drinks and then cancels because he has a shift at work. June ends and this date never happened. Anyway, I tell him outright that if he's not interested, he can tell me the truth. He says "No, I wanna see you, I swear! I'm just terrible at messaging and I haven't had a day off in a month but I do hope to see you". I decided to tell him it's best we stop talking because he's got a lot going on and I don't like chasing people (he never responded which is understandable). Do you think I was too harsh on him? Or was I right to cut him off like this? Did I overreact? Thank you for your help!
white Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 You're probably right, but. Sometimes career oriented people prioritise their work over everything else. It doesn't change anything for you, the end result is the same; he isn't there. Just don't be so ready to assume the will isn't there on his part. If he wants to date he kinda needs to work different hours, or else he'll stay single. You probably won't be the first woman to demonstrate that to him.
Skyraider829 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I met him online back in April and we instantly got along. We met up in real life in May and our first meet up was fine. As I was leaving he asked me out on a date and I agreed. Bare in mind that he has a night job and I have a 9-5 schedule so he told me that he'd only be able to see me on one of his days off. He planned a first date but later texted me to reschedule because he was going on vacation with his friends. I agree, no biggie. Then, he plans another date but the night before that lunch date, I send him a text to ask confirmation as he didn't pick the venue, and of course I don't get a text back. I text him the next day to tell him I made other plans because I didn't hear from him. He apologized three times saying it was a problem with his phone and he didn't notice the text hadn't gone through but asks to reschedule. One last attempt, he asks me out for drinks and then cancels because he has a shift at work. June ends and this date never happened. Anyway, I tell him outright that if he's not interested, he can tell me the truth. He says "No, I wanna see you, I swear! I'm just terrible at messaging and I haven't had a day off in a month but I do hope to see you". I decided to tell him it's best we stop talking because he's got a lot going on and I don't like chasing people (he never responded which is understandable). Do you think I was too harsh on him? Or was I right to cut him off like this? Did I overreact? Thank you for your help! Um, coming from a male - you could have. I occassionally have to deal with my smartphone's stupid moments where texts do not come through or go out until hours later (or never). There is a chance of him either making an excuse - or he really may just be swamped with work or having cell issues. But at the same time, if he wants to see you he needs to reprioritize a bit. You should not put work in front of every single thing, particularly special events like dates which are not always concrete, sure-fire things.
Menina Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I would give him one more chane since I've been in his position. My text plan is awful and sometimes I send texts that never gets delivered or I don't receive texts, either way I end up looking like a jerk apologizing and saying that I have problems with my texts (no one wants to believe that). Just this week I posted about how I thought the guy Im seeing blew me off because he never replied to my text (asking if a date was still on), turns out he never received the damn text andfor three days I was thinking this guy is a jerk. Also people do have busy lives and is not easy adjusting work/study for your date life, and lets get real no matter how much you like someone it doesnt mean you're going to stop working for them, so being busy, for me, is a legitimate excuse. Now, chasing can be awfully tiring but I think that if you like this guy the ball is in his court and you can either give him another chance or move on. I say that it never hurts to see if the date finally materiizes, you can have the time of your life or realize that he's not for you. The good thing is that most of the time, once you start dating someone and the attraction between you grows you start making time for each other.
Chief Wiggum Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Speaking as a guy, I don't think you overreacted. Trust me, if we're into you, we won't let our cell phone be the repeated cause of failed dates with you. 3
Author ShiningMoon Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Speaking as a guy, I don't think you overreacted. Trust me, if we're into you, we won't let our cell phone be the repeated cause of failed dates with you. Hum. No, the phone issue happened only once. It was not the repeated cause of our failed dates. Since I already cut the guy off, I don't know how to get in touch with him now without looking like a complete freak. I realize I overreacted because when he asked me out, he warned me in advance that he was busy and could only see me on one of his days off. It's not like he came up with the "busy" excuse all of the sudden. So being busy happens especially as he works nights. When I cut him off, I just told him it's best we stop talking because he has a lot going on and I'd rather leave him alone. Anyway, do you guys have any idea as to how I could try to talk to him again? I'm embarrassed enough as it is, I don't want look like a crazy woman.
ToyStoryThree Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Hum. No, the phone issue happened only once. It was not the repeated cause of our failed dates. Since I already cut the guy off, I don't know how to get in touch with him now without looking like a complete freak. I realize I overreacted because when he asked me out, he warned me in advance that he was busy and could only see me on one of his days off. It's not like he came up with the "busy" excuse all of the sudden. So being busy happens especially as he works nights. When I cut him off, I just told him it's best we stop talking because he has a lot going on and I'd rather leave him alone. Anyway, do you guys have any idea as to how I could try to talk to him again? I'm embarrassed enough as it is, I don't want look like a crazy woman. This is a tough one...if a woman got back in touch with me after cutting me off, I'd be like...ermmmm yeah. But instead of messaging him, call him? A light-hearted call, to say hey, and kind of slip it into conversation that you'd like to meet up? at least then there's no waiting around for replies and stuff.
StarsOnFire Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I think if you're looking for someone who you can spend time with and talk to a lot during the day and whatnot, then you did the right thing. Seems like with his schedule clashing with yours that in the end, it's be hard for you guys to meet up a lot. Personally, if it was this hard to get a first date with someone for me, I wouldn't bother. Just looking to the future, and the frustration of getting together. 1
soccerrprp Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Well, so far this is what you have: 1. 2 rescheduled dates, all three canceled. 2. Allegedly, a malfunctioning or inconsistent smartphone...can't be something new and likely has had time to remedy 3. So close to dates and knows his phone is on the fritz, but made no other effort to confirm, please.... In a nutshell, he is not ready to date, may not be that into you, so move on... 1
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I decided to tell him it's best we stop talking because he's got a lot going on and I don't like chasing people (he never responded which is understandable). He never responded because he doesn't give two s h i t s about you. It's obvious. He's not worth a second thought let alone a whole thread.
Author ShiningMoon Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 In all honesty, if someone were to send me a text saying "It's best we stop talking", I wouldn't respond either. What do you want to respond to this? I don't think there's much to say. It just makes sense especially as we barely know each other.
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 In all honesty, if someone were to send me a text saying "It's best we stop talking", I wouldn't respond either. What do you want to respond to this? You respond:"Really? That's a bummer cos I kinda liked you" Provided you liked the person, if you didn't like them then you are right, you don't respond.
undercover_lover Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I met him online back in April and we instantly got along. We met up in real life in May and our first meet up was fine. As I was leaving he asked me out on a date and I agreed. Bare in mind that he has a night job and I have a 9-5 schedule so he told me that he'd only be able to see me on one of his days off. He planned a first date but later texted me to reschedule because he was going on vacation with his friends. I agree, no biggie. Then, he plans another date but the night before that lunch date, I send him a text to ask confirmation as he didn't pick the venue, and of course I don't get a text back. I text him the next day to tell him I made other plans because I didn't hear from him. He apologized three times saying it was a problem with his phone and he didn't notice the text hadn't gone through but asks to reschedule. One last attempt, he asks me out for drinks and then cancels because he has a shift at work. June ends and this date never happened. Anyway, I tell him outright that if he's not interested, he can tell me the truth. He says "No, I wanna see you, I swear! I'm just terrible at messaging and I haven't had a day off in a month but I do hope to see you". I decided to tell him it's best we stop talking because he's got a lot going on and I don't like chasing people (he never responded which is understandable). Do you think I was too harsh on him? Or was I right to cut him off like this? Did I overreact? Thank you for your help! Don't waste your time on someone who keeps dogging you. Might sound hypocritical of me, but I've done this to people I didn't want to hang out with. And I've also had it happen unintentionally.. But 3x—Sheesh! I think you reacted with dignity.
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