JenBrookes Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) My bf and I have been together for 2 years. Everything has been perfect and going well until one day.... We wanted to do some work around the house, mother gets involved with decision making, I got angry and frustrated, and hit him, he hit me. Next day, we made up, he bought me flowers, and things went back to normal. We spoke about it, decided to not ever do that again, willing to change for the better. He told his mother about it, she pressured him to tell him more, he spilled more information about our relationship including my private embarrassing information about me. She came by our house, yelled at me, yet I didn't argue back and just kept my head low, apologized for starting the fight with her son. She started going into my weakness and all the stuff he told her about me. After that my family came to pick me up, suggested me to leave him because he enables his family to get into his relationship life. After what his family did, he did some reconsideration and told me that he's not sure if I'm not the one for him and that he needs some space, I should move out, but still stay together. I am heart broken, he turned cold shoulder in one day after his family talked to him about what happened. I don't know what I should do I know I need to work on controlling my anger, but my counselor told me that his problem is the heart of all this because he's a pleaser, enabling his mom to walk over his relationship life. She comes over about twice a week to visit him, do things around house. During her yelling, she also told me from now on things are going to change, I am going to be more involved in his life and that's how our family operates, not everything is about you. She's currently staying at his house for the whole week, most likely for the rest of the month to make sure nothing else happens to her son. Edited July 31, 2013 by JenBrookes
AllTooWell Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Don't blame his mother for wanting him to get out of an abusive - yes, ABUSIVE - situation. Yes, she seems overprotective and so forth, but I'm pretty sure if anyone ever put their hands on me, my mother would kill them. No doubt about it. If you really love this man, keep going with your counselling and GET HIM into counselling too.
SoleMate Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 We wanted to do some work around the house, mother gets involved with decision making, I got angry and frustrated, and hit him, he hit me.... I know I need to work on controlling my anger... ...but my counselor told me that his problem is the heart of all this because he's a pleaser, enabling his mom to walk over his relationship life. This is shocking, both because of your easy transition from frustration about household chores to hitting your bf, AND your counselor's facile deflection of the blame for violence from your emotional reaction to the bf's maternal issues. (I am assuming that you reflected your counselor's advice accurately, which may not be the case.) That is some of the worst advice from a counselor I have ever heard! But, as shocked and angry as I am, I should never use that anger as an excuse for hitting the counselor. I strongly recommend you find: * a more competent and ethical counselor who will hold you accountable for your actions (if your counselor really justified your violence and blamed it on the bf), OR * holding yourself accountable to listen to your counselor correctly, write down the learnings, do the homework/exercises, and hold yourself accountable (in the case where you have not reported your counselor's advice fairly) to understand that your violence is your responsibility All of the above applies even if your bf is the most extreme mama's boy who has ever lived. 1
flitzanu Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 i agree with solemate. also, if both of you are resorting to physical violence and hitting each other, then it sounds like neither of you should be involved in relationships until you both can control your anger and violent tendencies. especially moreso if a guy is hitting a woman. doesn't mean it's right for a girl to hit a guy though, either.
Recommended Posts