Thinkalot Posted October 30, 2004 Posted October 30, 2004 Hi all. I haven't been on the site much for a while, and have been taking a break. But I'm here posting because I need some advice, and a shoulder to cry on ... My fiance and I get married in about 6 months. We've had a rocky road to this point...high highs, low lows. I have also been overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which placed enormous strain on us. Anyway...things have been going along OK for a while...not great...but we've been content I guess. Now though, we seem to have spiralled downwards...back to lots of fighting...and when that happens, it feeds off itself, and gets worse and worse. My fiance's anger and frustration builds, and he starts to swear at me a lot when we argue, and name call. I go on, and don't know when to let a subject drop. We sat and talked yesterday and realised we both aren't as happy as we should be. We have not been treating each other with respect, or even feeling much respect for the other. Sometimes not even liking being with that person. We agreed we loved each other a lot, and wanted to turn things back around,and make changes. We discussed ways we could do this. Then this morning...day 1 of the "new start"...another big fight...him calling me names, me going on when he tells me to stop...us reacting to each other over the slightest thing and commenting on it. I'm at work now. In tears. He said he's wondering why we keep perservering...that the relationship seems like a dead end. I said we could turn it around. He said we'd said that before, and told me to go to work and leave him alone and stop being pathetic. So here I am . Posting on here, trying to calm down. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to start afresh when we are both so wound up a lot of the time. We make these agreements, to treat each other nicely , and roll with things...etc...and they get broken quickly. He thinks I am mostly to blame. I say it takes two...but maybe he's right.
johan Posted October 31, 2004 Posted October 31, 2004 Hey, Think. I'm really sorry to hear about all this. I don't have time to write more right now. But I wish you two the best.
meanon Posted October 31, 2004 Posted October 31, 2004 Hugs to you, Thinkalot. I'm sorry things have not been going well for you It does take two. He is quick to anger, you persist when he asks you to stop. Thinkalot, I know you want to be med free but I think it may well be no coincidence that the last two bad spells have occurred when you were reducing dosage. That doesn't make it your fault. If you were at a different stage in your relationship and lives together, he would be the early warning you need that all is not well instead of the trigger for conflict which further exacerbates the situation. It's not his fault either, he does his best and as you say, it's a strain on relationships. People do successfully come off the meds sometimes, but usually when they've been symptom free for a year or two. I don't think you had the dosage right until very recently. Whatever you choose, you two have a very strong love. Those words were spoken in anger. That's happened before and you've both regained your hope and confidence in the future once you've calmed down. As quickly as things spiral downwards, you've been able to rebuild them in the past and I'm sure you will again.
Author Thinkalot Posted October 31, 2004 Author Posted October 31, 2004 Thanks johan, and to you meanon. My faith is just a bit flattened at the moment. I am aware it could be because I am recently off the medication entirely. The impact the meds have had on our sex life was the motivating factor. And when we were discussing our relationship calmly yesterday, he mentioned how our lack of physical intimacy over the past 10 months since I've been on them, has also had a negative impact on our overall relationship. We've still had sex of course, but it's not been anything like what it was. I've even tried to have sex many times when I did not feel like it, just to please him. But he says while that may provide him with some physical release, it often lacks the same emotional connection or intensity as lovemaking has when we are both into it. I couldn't agree more. So while they help obviously, in calming my mind, they impact on other things. I know that many will say the benefits of meds outweight the disadvantages.
meanon Posted October 31, 2004 Posted October 31, 2004 I can see that that would have an impact on the relationship, but it wouldn't be forever. Maybe it would get you both to the point where you could come off them without you feeling the relationship is threatened by the fall out. It doesn't matter what anyone else will say, though advice on the advantages and disadvantages may be useful. You both are best placed to predict the impact on your relationship. Remember the last time we had a conversation like this? You had flowers delivered to you at work. Have faith, Thinkalot. You'll be feeling better soon.
jannie Posted October 31, 2004 Posted October 31, 2004 thinkalot, i do not know what kind of meds you are on but if one kills the libido another might not as much. i have a best friend back home who has been on celexa along wtih her sister, both for OCD stuff and neither has had their sex drive killed and they have been on it many a years. also there is a saying that with some meds, you can stop on a friday and re-start on a sunday so you have a weekend to have some libido back. this has worked well with someone i knew who was on paxil so i am not sure if that helps with other drugs too but it also helps with the celexa. i hope things get better. you post made me feel so sad for all you have gone through. good luck.
emmy lou Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Originally posted by jannie thinkalot, i do not know what kind of meds you are on but if one kills the libido another might not as much. i have a best friend back home who has been on celexa along wtih her sister, both for OCD stuff and neither has had their sex drive killed and they have been on it many a years. also there is a saying that with some meds, you can stop on a friday and re-start on a sunday so you have a weekend to have some libido back. this has worked well with someone i knew who was on paxil so i am not sure if that helps with other drugs too but it also helps with the celexa. i hope things get better. you post made me feel so sad for all you have gone through. good luck. Antidepressants and medications for various mental health issues are not Smarties. You take then exactly as prescribed - you don't skip days of taking them. Please don't give such dangerous information on a public forum. In order for these kinds of medications (and any medication that's to be taken daily) to work, they must be taken daily to maintain a therapeutic level of the medication in the bloodstream. Get informed.
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