MrTurk Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) I met a woman through OLD that is an extremely busy, independent, overachiever(not sure thats the best word to use?) She teaches part time on the side, has a small business she runs locally, and has an online business. Now I have nothing against anyone that wants to do all that stuff....and work long hours, and everything that comes with that situation. But seriously...does she really think she's going to have the time to devote to building a serious relationship? She's basically working from the time she wakes up, till she goes to bed almost every day. We havent met in person yet...but texting and trying to talk on the phone with her is like pulling teeth. I'll text her and usually dont get a response back for 6-8 hours. When she does have time to talk on the phone though, our conversations have been good, and tend to last over an hour. We are in the process of setting up a time to meet soon...but I just have my doubts. I'm trying not to pass judgment until after I meet her, but I just get the feeling that if we do date....it will be a definite part time thing...that I will only be penciled in when she has "spare" time. Is anyone else on here super busy like she is...and you have no time to date...but you want to date...and try to make time for it? Edited July 31, 2013 by MrTurk
MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I met a woman through OLD that is an extremely busy, independent, overachiever(not sure thats the best word to use?) She teaches part time on the side, has a small business she runs locally, and has an online business. Now I have nothing against anyone that wants to do all that stuff....and work long hours, and everything that comes with that situation. But seriously...does she really think she's going to have the time to devote to building a serious relationship? She's basically working from the time she wakes up, till she goes to bed almost every day. We havent met in person yet...but texting and trying to talk on the phone with her is like pulling teeth. I'll text her and usually dont get a response back for 6-8 hours. When she does have time to talk on the phone though, our conversations have been good, and tend to last over an hour. We are in the process of setting up a time to meet soon...but I just have my doubts. I'm trying not to pass judgment until after I meet her, but I just get the feeling that if we do date....it will be a definite part time thing...that I will only be penciled in when she has "spare" time. Is anyone else on here super busy like she is...and you have no time to date...but you want to date...and try to make time for it? In one of your other threads where you talked about dating a man with no friends or social life who doesn't have other activities, I said it cannot work for me, this very scenario is another reason why. I may be considered an "over achiever" and I'm certainly busy and only going to get increasingly so as a doctoral student and then even more so when I am in my career full time...so I need a man who is busy too, who understands that and who isn't just sitting there twiddling thumbs waiting for me, as that will make it seem even worse. However, Beyonce for example is one of the busiest women on the planet, her husband Jay-Z is also, both of them are performers, business moguls, and busier than the average person by about 100 times with crazy schedules to boot...yet they manage to have a marriage and a family. That being said: everyone makes time for what they value, no matter how busy they are, so I don't buy it when someone claims to be sooooooooo busy they can't spend time with someone they supposedly care about. You prioritize accordingly and people who value their families or a SO prioritize them, even when busy. See how it goes...but frankly, if your stance isn't understanding and support but you're already describing her and what she does as overachieving and already peeved that she won't have time for you...I don't think it will work out for you two and you are better off dating someone else.
Author MrTurk Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 However, Beyonce for example is one of the busiest women on the planet, her husband Jay-Z is also, both of them are performers, business moguls, and busier than the average person by about 100 times with crazy schedules to boot...yet they manage to have a marriage and a family. I get your point about making things work. But being "busy" and making it work doesn't necessarily mean that the quality of the relationship or marriage is up to par. Different strokes for different folks When I date someone, I date them because I enjoy spending time with them. Not just seeing them for a rushed visit a few times a month.
yoyomahh Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Here's my exp. When I was searching on-line for contacts to meet, one of my main flags to watch for was this very issue. I went so for as to ask questions during the first meet. I was concerned with how could some one have or make the time to be with anyone if they filled literally all of her spare with work and other activities? In my case, I work allot and travel allot for work. But I know that if I want to be in relationship I needed to actually save time for that, and not have my work life affect it.
MissBee Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I get your point about making things work. But being "busy" and making it work doesn't necessarily mean that the quality of the relationship or marriage is up to par. Different strokes for different folks When I date someone, I date them because I enjoy spending time with them. Not just seeing them for a rushed visit a few times a month. Well as I said...if you're already complaining, you probably should not date this woman.
Author MrTurk Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 Well as I said...if you're already complaining, you probably should not date this woman. I agree. Like I said...I will meet her and wait to see how things go. I'm just going off my gut feeling...but I will wait for evidence to verify.
thefooloftheyear Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Sounds like my type of woman, frankly... TFY
GI_Joy Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I myself am a very busy and driven woman. I work from 0800-1600 in clinical research, take classes 4x a week in the evening, and I also am an officer in the reserves which is 1 weekend a month/2 weeks in the summer, annually. Due to my busy schedule I've resorted to online dating, and that's how I met my current boyfriend. I was upfront with him with my full schedule and he didn't mind it at all. I keep in touch with him on a regular basis through texting and I see him about 2-3x a week. It works. It's just a matter of how much each person in the relationship wants it to work. I make it happen because I want it to happen, and the relationship hasnt made me feel like I'm taking any energy away from any of my other obligations.
hppr Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I met a woman through OLD that is an extremely busy, independent, overachiever(not sure thats the best word to use?) She teaches part time on the side, has a small business she runs locally, and has an online business. Now I have nothing against anyone that wants to do all that stuff....and work long hours, and everything that comes with that situation. But seriously...does she really think she's going to have the time to devote to building a serious relationship? She's basically working from the time she wakes up, till she goes to bed almost every day. We havent met in person yet...but texting and trying to talk on the phone with her is like pulling teeth. I'll text her and usually dont get a response back for 6-8 hours. When she does have time to talk on the phone though, our conversations have been good, and tend to last over an hour. We are in the process of setting up a time to meet soon...but I just have my doubts. I'm trying not to pass judgment until after I meet her, but I just get the feeling that if we do date....it will be a definite part time thing...that I will only be penciled in when she has "spare" time. Is anyone else on here super busy like she is...and you have no time to date...but you want to date...and try to make time for it? Until you meet her you have no idea what she is really like. So don't think about any of that stuff yet.
Author MrTurk Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Until you meet her you have no idea what she is really like. So don't think about any of that stuff yet. She is testing my patience though. I sent her a message at 11am, she replied around 5, I sent another message 15 mins later, referencing if she'd be busy later tonight and its now after 10pm with no reply. Either she is losing interest...or she has a horrible way of showing she is interested. And tonight is the night I wanted to setup plans to meet this weekend. Thats what just f'n irritates me so damn bad. Every damn time, the day that I choose to setup plans to meet a woman.....THATS the day that they disappear on me, or pull sh*t like this.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 If she's interested, she'll make time. The last girl I dated was a workaholic -- would even work during her vacations. But she went out of her way to keep time open for me and initiated more than 50 percent of the time. When she had free time, she was wanting to hang out with or talk to me and made sure I was the first person she scheduled time with. There were times when she'd go several hours without answering a text of mine, but when she could, she would answer. Sometimes it'd take four hours, other times four minutes. As long as the effort is there, I didn't care. Plus some of the perks were nice -- she not only wouldn't expect me to pay for everything, but she'd try to pay for everything. We ended up splitting 50/50, but it was nice for her to be willing to do that. Unfortunately it ultimately didn't work out, but her schedule had nothing to do with it. 1
Author MrTurk Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) If she's interested, she'll make time Agreed...to a point. I still believe there are many women out there that just expect the guy to keep stirring the pot, to keep fueling the fire.....many women gauge a guy on that, and that is what tells them if he's interested. Example.....same situation, with 2 totally different points of view -I text/call a woman.....she never gets back to me. To me, that shows a lack of consideration, or a lack of communication skills. -On her end...she was very busy, and things kept coming up that distracted her and she forgot to reply. Now she is still interested in me....but from her experience..."if a guy is interested he'll contact me again" So she just keeps going on the next day....working and being busy....just expecting me to get a hold of her. I think this is a very popular issue between the two sexes. Women that have been conditioned by previous guys that chase......vs new guys that dont chase and expect communication to be 50/50 Edited August 1, 2013 by MrTurk
thefooloftheyear Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Agreed...to a point. I still believe there are many women out there that just expect the guy to keep stirring the pot, to keep fueling the fire.....many women gauge a guy on that, and that is what tells them if he's interested. Example.....same situation, with 2 totally different points of view -I text/call a woman.....she never gets back to me. To me, that shows a lack of consideration, or a lack of communication skills. -On her end...she was very busy, and things kept coming up that distracted her and she forgot to reply. Now she is still interested in me....but from her experience..."if a guy is interested he'll contact me again" So she just keeps going on the next day....working and being busy....just expecting me to get a hold of her. I think this is a very popular issue between the two sexes. Women that have been conditioned by previous guys that chase......vs new guys that dont chase and expect communication to be 50/50 Simple... Turn the tables...Disappear and see what happens...Thats what I would do.. TFY
Author MrTurk Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Simple... Turn the tables...Disappear and see what happens...Thats what I would do.. TFY Yes, I understand that's an option. But there's a lot of women that will assume my "disappearing" act means I'm not interested, and then they too disappear. So all that does is make us both idiots that refuse to stop playing games with each other. But history shows us, that turning communication into a game will work more times than trying to be cordial and considerate.
TheGuard13 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 What's so great about this woman that it's worth not ever being able to see her?
thefooloftheyear Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 What's so great about this woman that it's worth not ever being able to see her? She probably makes a lot of dough..$$$$$$$.. TFY
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I'm like this girl. I work 40 hours a week for my MA placement, another 25 on evenings and weekends at a part time job, and around 4 hours per week voluntary work. I also supervise extra shifts at my voluntary place, and am taking on additional qualifications on top of the MA... my MA also involves writing tens of thousands of words during and after placement! I met someone recently on POF after putting my profile up there just to see what was out there, we really hit it off and basically, I make time for him. I always text him right back, I could call him at least briefly every night before sleep if I wanted to, and we manage to sleep over around 3 times a week... it's made easier by the fact that his schedule is freer than mine and we live near each other, however. I questioned initially whether I was free enough to start a relationship but ya know, he was just too good a catch to pass up. It has only been a couple months but it's going really well and we're both falling pretty damn hard for each other. When you're into someone you make time for them, it really is that simple. Even though I'm at placement 9-5 Mon-Fr and work 11-7 Sat/Sun and 2/3 weeknights for a few hours after work that still leaves me with a couple of weeknights, and weekend evenings free as my voluntary work tends to happen on a weekend from 7-11am. Somehow I still manage to see lots of my friends and socialise plenty too, though I'm sure that will have to take a bit of a backseat when my placement draws to a close and I'm writing my thesis more intensively. If she's driven and hard working enough to do everything that she's doing, I imagine she'd apply that same work ethic to her relationship life and make sure she made space to see you! Admittedly when we first got talking my now bf was a little slow to actually make a date to go out so I politely and respectfully said (via text) that I could see we weren't going to go anywhere but wished him all the best in finding what he was looking for... he pretty much jumped back at me saying he didn't mean to seem uninterested and asking me to meet him asap. I think my pace of life and drive is just a little faster than his right now, but we both understand that now! Maybe you should just tell her outright that it seems she's too busy to date but if she's ever a little less tied up to give you a call? 1
MissBee Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) If she's interested, she'll make time. The last girl I dated was a workaholic -- would even work during her vacations. But she went out of her way to keep time open for me and initiated more than 50 percent of the time. When she had free time, she was wanting to hang out with or talk to me and made sure I was the first person she scheduled time with. There were times when she'd go several hours without answering a text of mine, but when she could, she would answer. Sometimes it'd take four hours, other times four minutes. As long as the effort is there, I didn't care. Plus some of the perks were nice -- she not only wouldn't expect me to pay for everything, but she'd try to pay for everything. We ended up splitting 50/50, but it was nice for her to be willing to do that. Unfortunately it ultimately didn't work out, but her schedule had nothing to do with it. That's been my experience both on the receiving end as well as in how I treat a man I'm really into vs. one who I'm so-so about. And it is indeed the effort and genuine interest in making time and shifting things around which matters. I have been with a man who had an extremely busy schedule (he was in the music business) and traveled a lot, but once he came home or had free time, I was the first person he would see or would offer for me to come with him to rehearsal, to the studio or to his shows and just found creative ways to spend time with me, and I never felt neglected or unimportant. I knew what his job was but he showed through his actions that I was a priority as well, even though he couldn't control his schedule completely. His investment and effort were very obvious and made me FEEL how much he valued me and didn't take away from our relationship. However, the point is, I was never intimidated by his schedule and it didn't register as an obstacle when we met. I was happy for him that he was doing what he loved and I had my own life, so I was also accommodating and didn't see it as a problem. I think that's also a difference. The OP already seems to dislike this woman's lifestyle even before they've gone out, so I don't imagine him all of a sudden becoming understanding of it, even if she makes genuine effort. Edited August 1, 2013 by MissBee
Author MrTurk Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 What's so great about this woman that it's worth not ever being able to see her? lol I dont know yet...we just started communicating about 2 weeks ago. She has a lot of drive and good work ethic, so that is a plus in my book. Just that her workaholic lifestyle puts a crimp in communication and making plans.
Author MrTurk Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 The OP already seems to dislike this woman's lifestyle even before they've gone out, so I don't imagine him all of a sudden becoming understanding of it, even if she makes genuine effort. I think the thing is, that time is dragging on and we havent met yet. We dont even know if we are compatible. With her time reference....it is taking 2-3 weeks just to make plans to meet With most people...we would have made it through the emails, texts, phone calls and face to face meet in less than 2 weeks. You get what I'm saying? How many weeks does this need to go on and we havent even met yet. Its like when 2 people have a conversation via text....and it takes 15 mins to send messages back and forth....when the whole conversation could of been done over the phone in less than two mins.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 That's been my experience both on the receiving end as well as in how I treat a man I'm really into vs. one who I'm so-so about. And it is indeed the effort and genuine interest in making time and shifting things around which matters. I have been with a man who had an extremely busy schedule (he was in the music business) and traveled a lot, but once he came home or had free time, I was the first person he would see or would offer for me to come with him to rehearsal, to the studio or to his shows and just found creative ways to spend time with me, and I never felt neglected or unimportant. I knew what his job was but he showed through his actions that I was a priority as well, even though he couldn't control his schedule completely. His investment and effort were very obvious and made me FEEL how much he valued me and didn't take away from our relationship. However, the point is, I was never intimidated by his schedule and it didn't register as an obstacle when we met. I was happy for him that he was doing what he loved and I had my own life, so I was also accommodating and didn't see it as a problem. I think that's also a difference. The OP already seems to dislike this woman's lifestyle even before they've gone out, so I don't imagine him all of a sudden becoming understanding of it, even if she makes genuine effort. Yeah, my ex's schedule didn't bother me in the least. I work a profession that has a bit of a weird schedule sometimes, so I was able to relate and it didn't bother me at all.
Author MrTurk Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 (edited) Don't date her. Well I'm taking your advice.... I sent her a text Thursday 1pm....asking her if she'd like to meet up this weekend...she replied today(23 hrs later) a little before noon....said she would like that...and said she was sorry she had to speak at a college and got home late. So I texted her back 5 mins later....asked her "When a good time for me to call later today...to set up plans for this weekend?" Its now Friday night at 9:15pm....over 9 hrs later....still no reply. How are we supposed to make plans to do anything tomorrow? I'm sorry....but she is either not that interested, and flaking on me.....or she is so engrossed in her busy lifestyle, that she has no clue how inconsiderate it is from my side of the situation. Am I supposed to just not make any plans all weekend....just in case she gets back to me and wants to meet....and me not knowing which day...Sat or Sun?? Its rude whether shes doing it on purpose or not. I'm done either way....if she ever contacts me back...I'm telling her to forget it. . Edited August 3, 2013 by MrTurk
Author MrTurk Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 Have you ever considered calling her? Yes, we've talked on the phone 2 times in the past. But I know she is busy all the time....hence texting her, asking whens a good time to call.... I see nothing wrong with sending a text like that after a few phone calls are in the bag.
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