pumpcin Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) Will it ever go away? 2 years now since my husband of 14 years left our family home and it feels like yesterday. My divorce is almost done and I'm back on my feet at last.... yeh yeh! I've done all the things the books; friends and family tell you need to do after a break up. I’m upright and smiling....... but be very careful out there what you wish for…..I got exactly what I asked for with dreams it would be music to my ears and a plaster for my broken heart…….how wrong was I? He came back after 18 months to saythe grass wasn’t greener and he was sorry with the muttered words “please take me back" He broke me all over again! After 18 painful month of recovery suddenly the pain and tears had all been for nothing because he’d got it wrong, he made a mistake and wanted to start over again with me . Sadly by the time he announced that to me …….he’d been living the past 18months with ‘my friend and her 3children’ they’d been having an affair for 12 before he left me and my daughters. By the time he told me……..The damage had been done, He’d been living another life, a life with someone else I couldn’t accept. My recovery needed to start over again but now it was a different a pain…..helpless to change things! I'm completely dead inside......empty now at what could have been had he not have been living with another woman. It feels like a life sentence....... I can’t live with such emptiness…….what do I do now I’m running out of book and friends Edited July 31, 2013 by pumpcin
Author pumpcin Posted July 31, 2013 Author Posted July 31, 2013 He's like April showers most days.......along comes a black colud over your day,rains on you and moves on until later before raining on you again.......I hate it x
darkmoon Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 travel, srs, one day I was a wreck, next day I was milesaway, just travel, and move house too, a new chapter, for company meet-up groups are good, do not expect tomorrow to be like today, make plans, explore the kilamangaro, go, do something new 1
Yasuandio Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) This sounds pretty disorientingly insane, Pumpcin. I haven't yet experienced this yet - but I am afraid of the same thing. One day, a wish comes true, and is comes back to me, filled with remorse - but it is now too late, it really is. I know in my heart this day will come, and it will tear my guts out - because it is the loss of a 28 year marriage - and there is no going back, after what I have been through in the last four years, and him trying to breaking me with the legal system, and Private Investigators and himself keepings tabs on me. I have been out of my mind. I like Darkmoon idea of moving house. If it is at all possible - starting a new life in a new location. This sounds exciting and fun. It really sounds seriously like something I should do also. Another idea is to start meeting some male company, making some new contacts with men, nothing serious right now. I noticed going about with such an attitude, and projecting it "for real" - is alluring. I am getting noticed a lot for an older woman. But, of course, I got it going on too. (You see the attitude? It's real, and it sends of vibrations when it becomes real.). I am a Mimi Tanner fan, her books, columes, and free e-mail newsletters are where I learned a lot of valuable advice about "Getting my Flirt On," and "Living the Charmed Life." You might want to sign up for all the free e-newsletters, you will learn so much. I like Rori Raye, I think that is right. Well that is a start. Thank you for posting about the wish. I'm glad you shared this, it's good to know about how that went, I mean, for future reference. And for your future reference, you are already on your way to recovery. True recovery and healing begins when you TRUELY give up hope, which you you have. I've only recently arrived at that point (that may be due to the length of my marriage, and my fears of being alone with a mental illness this late in life). So for both of us - it is all forward march! Now, we are going to start getting better. I, my friends, and my doctors are already seeing a huge difference in me since "I gave up hope for real.". Or another term for this is "letting go.". Now there are backslides - but developing you new life style and "attitude" become so habit-forming, that you shake right out of any backslide (or boo-hoo moment) quickly. You, particularly HAVE TO, so to set an example for your girls! Yas Edited August 1, 2013 by Yasuandio 2
Yasuandio Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) Guys, long, long ago, I had this sister who used to do hair extensions for me. And of course, in that style of hair salon, it is a day and evening affair - you really get to know the girls. The always told me, during the last bad years of the marriage, "yas, you got swaggar, and ya don't even know it!" Anyway, once separated, one of my sister's came to the house to do my hair. She brought her boyfriend and daughter. She was reat impressed with my home, and how much weight I had taken off. She told me, "it's all about me, now." She also said, when the divorce is finished, and I have my house all cute, nice, comfortable, and warm - that one day, he will be back, and knock on the door. And she told me let him only step into the front hallway, to enjoy the fragrances of the homemade food that is always cooking on my stovetop, and the little potpourri scents that are so inviting. And then, of course, he would have to leave the paradise - and go back to his cold castle he created of his own choice. (in your case, to see your inviting home, your beauty, original and unconditional love of his family, and then to have to walk out - That will be his greatest punishment for his sin to you and the girls). This is what my sister predicted would happen. And indeed, I have seen a recent "drive-by" which indicates I'm in his system. But it is too late. A four year protracted ugly, humiliating, stressful, painful, ungodly expensive divorce - no way. sexless marriage to boot? My former husband must have been having sex and an affair just like your, perhaps still is. I just didn't know about it. All I know is WE have one thing in common - OUR HUSBANDS DECIDED THEY DID NOT WANT US. And, that was after 14 years of good service from you, and at the time I was rejected, 24 years of good service from me. Pumpcin, we could never trust that this might happen again. There is more chance for your husband to do it again, cause he is younger - and would know he got away with it, and got to come back home. Also, to let him back would be an horrific example for your girls. Now, that said, I would not discourage you from giving him some false hope, over the next year or so, and taking his money. I think you would be morally justified in playing him that way. A woman has to do what a woman has to do. And I am nor proposing this as a selfish motive at all. Your girls will need to go to college. That takes a lot of dough. Where's it going to come from? Did your former husband set up a Trust Fund for the girls and contribute to it the 18 months while he was screwing the grass on the other side of the road? I bet not. That's why I would not feel the leaast bit guilty to let him fantasize whatever he wants about a future - and at the same time, set up that Trust Fund, if he hasn't already! I would not sleep with him - you are too vulnerable. Frankly, I know that any sleeping together would screw up my mind. You could keep it as a promise for when you re-marry (not). Many people make promises. But promises are not always fulfilled. This is just an idea. One I may be forced to use given my financial status - that is, if I get the chance. Then again, you may not need the jerk at all. Let him have a look at the nice family he lost - and he will suffer 100 fold what you suffered. Anyway, I'm just talking out loud here, as your case is so very interesting to me. And your response to it absolutely "mortifies" me, but I am glad to be aware of your reaction, just in case, so I might be prepared myself. (one of the things I read, Mimi Tanner again, is that when you have your vibration back again, you will know it, because others will respond to it, people will smile at you, and appoach you - you will attract people, all sorts of people with your vibration. However, what is myteriou about the vibration is that it somehow reaches the person that has rejected us - and the moment you are doing well again, that person pops back into your life - just like what happened to you, pumpcin). I think the worst place to be when the guy finds out the grass is not so green, is in a place of financial need. But, like I said before, if you "got it going on" with your flirt, and your vibrations - and it has become YOU (for real), then, walking around with your "flirt on" is habit forming. But the moment you have sex with that jerk off, it is all over, baby. He will have you, and your female chemical bond. Don't do that sex, cause, he knows that is how to melt you, honey. Just a little warning based on real life experience, and a heck of a lot of reseach to comprehend why the one little inocent sex thing drove me insane for several years (when I was happy as a clam just prior to the one-time quickie "hysterical-bonding" experience). Yes, Beenkilled is talking about a gameface, I like that idea alright. I would play your gameface up real good. You know, it is going to take so much time though, to get past the deep wounds you've endured. Perhaps be friends for now, some date nights perhaps, AS LONG AS THE WEEKLY DEPOSITS R GOING INTO THE GIRL'S TRUST FUND (THAT HE HE HAS NO ACCESS TO). Then, a weekly date night is ok, for the sake of the family unit. And talk of the future, sure, of course, why not? Talk, talk, and talkie talk. Nice nice. That will be nice and pleasant (no talk about the past, that is past). Just remember your agenda, business woman, and then, when you decide to get serious with the right person, (because, of course, you will concurently be doing what Rori Raye refers to as "circular dating"), then you can drop him like a hot potato. Yas Edited August 1, 2013 by Yasuandio 1
2.50 a gallon Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 (edited) D-day was terrible, my whole lovely beautiful world turned to chit, and I plunged deeply into a black hole of nothingness, no joy, no laughter, no happiness. But that was nothing compared to a little more than a month later when she did a 180, and desperately begged to reconcile, with a waterfall of tears. "I'm Sorry's", "I was so wrong", "I learned my lesson, you are what I need" It's not that I was healed, so it would have been so easy to say yes, and I could laugh and love again. It was so tempting, she's back, she still loves me, happiness was right there in the palm of my hand. But deep in my soul I knew it would be hollow and I could never trust her again. From one who has been there, it is far worse than the original breakup. To have to chose to go back to my dark lightless cave was difficult, but in reality I knew that there was no chance. The trust was gone. Like Humpty Dumpty there was no way we could put all the pieces back together again What to do with your time? I took up raising rare and hard to breed tropical fish. For self improvement I taught myself how to be a better cook and leaned how to cook some gourmet dishes Today is the first day of the rest of your life. What do you want out of life? Better education? Learn to play a musical instrument, sky diving, learn to ride a motorcycle, get yourself a tortoise for a pet, or poison dart frogs, (for those who don't know, they are extremely colorful), wood carving, candle making, clown school. The world is yours, what ever you want, take this time to pursue your desires. Edited August 1, 2013 by 2.50 a gallon
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