Emma1234 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I have come to terms with the break up now (after he left me to 'find himself') but the thing that is holding me back from getting over him is letting go of the future we had planned. The type of people that we are meant that our types of hopes, dreams and general plans matched so wonderfully. We made so many plans, he went as far as to have folders of things he wanted for us both! I know we were only young (19) but it's so difficult of letting go of something that I desperately want but feel I can only have with him because of the type of person he is. Plus I could never have these hopes and dreams with another because they were specific to me and him. If anyone has any advice then that would be brilliant, struggling slightly today.
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Emma, make it real. These hopes and dreams were part of an imaginary game-plan. It really doesn't matter that they're not 'going to happen' because they hadn't happened at all. It's like a company making financial forecasts, expansion plans into South America, opening a new plant in India and transferring the production plant to Japan. Then filing for bankruptcy the following month. Instead of missing what never was, be grateful you have more of an opportunity to make plans for your own definite development, and put new strings to your bow. What fine music you could make!! 1
Misfortune Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Accept that there is no our any more and you'll have a good start. 1
Legatus Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 And what if the plans went ahead and then he would decide that he needed to "find himself"? My point is it's good it happened before, because now you have time to find the right person to create even better future!
aloneinaz Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 If he died, would you still have all those dreams with him? Of course not. You need to recognize that he's "dead to you" now and find the next person to make dreams with. 2
dontgiveanef Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I would suggest you think of it like this. Future? There was no future. This was a making of a new future for you. Good thing he's gone now you can make realistic plans.
daftpunk Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Emma this is a blessing in disguise. There is lots of good news and bad news here. Firstly the good. Meeting someone at 19 and then ending up together might sound like bliss on paper, but the reality is far far different. The growth you go through from 20-30 is the growth from adolescent to adult. I thought at 19 that I knew it all. 10 years later I realised I knew little at 19. Just view some of the threads in the seperation and divorce forum. So many stories about meeting young, no longer being 'in-Love'. Life feels like it has been wasted and so on and so on. It is ridiculously hard to not only maintain this type relationship, but to make sure you nuture it and grow from/with it. I would love to see the divorce stats of people meeting early and marrying early. Got be be crazy high.. People are taking longer and longer to settle down and I fully agree with this. Party, travel do the things that you can't do in your 30's (at least not with the same exuberance and gusto). Don't take your youth for granted. You have the world in front of you. Its an opportunity so many don't have. Instead of lamenting a future you might have had, embrace the NOW and the future you could/will have. Thats the good news. The bad news? We usually have to go through 3 or 4 of these (breakups), ups, downs, rollercoasters and mountain climbing before meeting the right person...Just try enjoy the ride that is life :-) There is no "right person". Just someone whom you settle for after years of disappointment. 1
along60years Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 No one has to settle. It is a choice. If you want better, go find better or at least settle for someone who wants to stick around and make things work. You are too young to be so pessimistic about love. Be happy he left now instead of when you are 50, kids in college, and tired. Try finding someone then and realizing what a waste 30 years of marriage to the wrong person was. By all means don't settle for someone who is lazy in love, floaters, it is infuriating to hold a relationship together with a partner who lives on a whim and takes only what falls in their lap.
along60years Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Just a note, I am 27, was with my ex 7 years, lived together for 4, had kids names and a wedding date picked, were looking for houses and planning to build one. There are many things you could have only had with him, but before him you weren't set on them. You just need to fall back into YOUR rhythm. You will have new, better plans with your next love and you may be giving up far less than you currently think you are losing. It just feels that way right now.
daftpunk Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 You are too young to be so pessimistic about love. The younger the better
TaraMaiden Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) The younger the better If it means breeding is off the cards, it's probably for the best. Edited July 31, 2013 by TaraMaiden
reddragon588 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 There is no "right person". Just someone whom you settle for after years of disappointment. I'm still struggling with my breakup and still feel heartbroken but I could not disagree with this more. Even in my heartbreak I know that there is a right person for everyone.
daftpunk Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I'm still struggling with my breakup and still feel heartbroken but I could not disagree with this more. Even in my heartbreak I know that there is a right person for everyone. You know or you hope?
Sugarkane Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I'd take advantage of your new found freedom (doing what YOU want) while you still can. I kind of wish I had of done more at that age myself.
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